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Original poster

Not sexually attracted

80 replies

Calypso45 · 30/07/2023 08:08

My husband has said he loves me but he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. He said any time we hold hands or do anything affectionate he just feels guilty. What on earth do I do with that? Feeling lost and confused.

OP posts:
Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:23

I wouldn't rush into things. My best friend found out her husband was cheating when they had a baby and her focus was all on the baby. Fast forward 14 years- she is still single despite being very attractive, witty, owning her own house and being a good cook. She now regrets kicking her husband out very much especially since he was begging her to forgive him. If you husband wants to move on - fine, let him. Even though I won't be surprised he will come back withinayear. I would definitely try marriage counselling before taking drastic action. There is no guarantee you will be better off with another man. As one old woman said when someone commented on how long she had been married "when I got married broken things were mended, not thrown away "

WunWun · 27/08/2023 09:24

Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:23

I wouldn't rush into things. My best friend found out her husband was cheating when they had a baby and her focus was all on the baby. Fast forward 14 years- she is still single despite being very attractive, witty, owning her own house and being a good cook. She now regrets kicking her husband out very much especially since he was begging her to forgive him. If you husband wants to move on - fine, let him. Even though I won't be surprised he will come back withinayear. I would definitely try marriage counselling before taking drastic action. There is no guarantee you will be better off with another man. As one old woman said when someone commented on how long she had been married "when I got married broken things were mended, not thrown away "

This is some of the worst advice I've ever seen on here.

WunWun · 27/08/2023 09:24

Jesus Christ.

sodthesodoff · 27/08/2023 09:25

Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:23

I wouldn't rush into things. My best friend found out her husband was cheating when they had a baby and her focus was all on the baby. Fast forward 14 years- she is still single despite being very attractive, witty, owning her own house and being a good cook. She now regrets kicking her husband out very much especially since he was begging her to forgive him. If you husband wants to move on - fine, let him. Even though I won't be surprised he will come back withinayear. I would definitely try marriage counselling before taking drastic action. There is no guarantee you will be better off with another man. As one old woman said when someone commented on how long she had been married "when I got married broken things were mended, not thrown away "

Are you fucking for real?

You're telling her to stick with her cheating, lying, gaslighting partner who gave her an STI?

Up to you what you do. But some people have standards.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:26

I gave my advice before OP posted her husband was cheating with multiple women and treating her like shit

ElizaWinter · 27/08/2023 09:27

Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:23

I wouldn't rush into things. My best friend found out her husband was cheating when they had a baby and her focus was all on the baby. Fast forward 14 years- she is still single despite being very attractive, witty, owning her own house and being a good cook. She now regrets kicking her husband out very much especially since he was begging her to forgive him. If you husband wants to move on - fine, let him. Even though I won't be surprised he will come back withinayear. I would definitely try marriage counselling before taking drastic action. There is no guarantee you will be better off with another man. As one old woman said when someone commented on how long she had been married "when I got married broken things were mended, not thrown away "

Really??

Do not listen to this advice. Better to be by yourself than with some fucker who doesn't care about you.

sodthesodoff · 27/08/2023 09:27

Tiredbehyondbelief · 27/08/2023 09:26

I gave my advice before OP posted her husband was cheating with multiple women and treating her like shit

It's still shit advice

He cheats on her and you think she should stay as the grass isn't always greener

Honestly it's pathetic.

Raise your bar.

Sassypants82 · 27/08/2023 09:29

Jesus, I'm so sorry. What an utter prick. Ask him to leave and see a solicitor. Start a CM claim and start telling your support network.

I'm sure it feels like your life has ended but this can be a beginning and you'll come out the other side.

GuinnessBird · 27/08/2023 09:33

Wow OP this is a rather dramatic twist, multiple affairs and drugs whilst running a company, how an earth does he have the time?

livinglifetothefull · 27/08/2023 09:45

Sorry this is happening to you but it sounds like it's over.

TotalOverhaul · 27/08/2023 09:48

Calypso45 · 30/07/2023 10:55

I’m not sure why he feels guilty, we have a baby and just bought a house.

doubtful he’s cheating as he is depressed. Not looking after himself at all.

Edited as I hadn;t seen the updates. My post is pointless then.

Original poster
Calypso45 · 27/08/2023 10:54

He’s a sole trader. Says he’s been working long hours & away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calypso45 · 04/09/2023 20:34

We’re on a break. I haven’t told him what I know. I don’t know if I should. I think he’ll react badly to me knowing, try and come to the house etc. I’m scared of him.

I can’t believe for years he’s been doing this. My whole life is a lie.

OP posts:
NotAgainBrian · 05/09/2023 19:30

I'm so sorry to hear this update, how are you doing?

Original poster
Calypso45 · 19/09/2023 22:10

Hello, I’ve told him what I know and he hasn’t responded. I emailed him.
I can see he is booking a lovely get away to Mexico City with this 20 year old but says he doesn’t have the money to pay for our daughter’s nursery fees…
Feeling pretty sad. He has no feelings or emotions. He only cares about what he can take from people.

OP posts:
Shrinkray · 19/09/2023 22:18

My best friend found out her husband was cheating when they had a baby and her focus was all on the baby. Fast forward 14 years- she is still single despite being very attractive, witty, owning her own house and being a good cook

Good for her. What is so terrible about being single, in your opinion? You make it sound like some terrible fate!! And clearly think it is worse than sharing your life with some scumbag who cheats on the mother of their newborn child. Confused

Shrinkray · 19/09/2023 22:20

Calypso45 · 19/09/2023 22:10

Hello, I’ve told him what I know and he hasn’t responded. I emailed him.
I can see he is booking a lovely get away to Mexico City with this 20 year old but says he doesn’t have the money to pay for our daughter’s nursery fees…
Feeling pretty sad. He has no feelings or emotions. He only cares about what he can take from people.

What an absolute prick. I'n so sorry. Honestly, you really are better off without him. Ignore what he's doing. Focus on you and your daughter and hold your head high and watch his world cone crumbling down with a wry smile when his little fantasy implodes on him. Do not waste energy caring what he's doing, he's not worth a moment of your time.

Original poster
Calypso45 · 19/09/2023 22:24

What’s a CM claim?

OP posts:
Original poster
Calypso45 · 19/09/2023 22:25

Yeah he’s soulless. I wish I had known this years ago. I’ve been with him my whole adult life.
I just feel super sad for my daughter. Imagine having that as a father.

OP posts:
Mapleunicorn · 19/09/2023 22:37

I’m so sorry OP. You will get through this. It might not seem like it now but a day will come when you and your daughter are sat in your shiny new life and will look back and think thank god I’m free of that prick. I was with my exh my whole adult life too and I was floored to discover he was capable of such deceit. I hated him for taking my daughters family unit away. But 2 years on and life is good. Honestly, better days are coming, just got to ride through the storm to get there

Takeabreather23 · 26/09/2023 22:48

Cms is a claim for child maintenance for your child from her sperm donar father .
Apply for this ( that’s why you were advised to get any self employment proof you could find )
so he can’t hide his income and pay you nothing or less .
Also apply for universal credit .
where are you and baby, are you ok?

Original poster
Calypso45 · 27/09/2023 10:39

Thank you to this wonderful group of women who have been so supportive to me during this dark time.

Thank you Mapleunicorn for your optimism of the future and showing me that there are bright times ahead.

Thanks to Takeabreather23 for your advice and answering my stupid questions 😂

OP posts:
jolaylasofia · 27/09/2023 11:40

i could not cope with that. i'd have to end it

Takeabreather23 · 27/09/2023 12:36

@Calypso45 don’t be silly you learn a lot through here if you haven’t already been through it yourself.

Hope you and your baby are doing ok.

Original poster
Calypso45 · 27/09/2023 23:34

Jolaysofia I think you’ve missed quite a few posts 😊

OP posts:
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