Boyfriend slept with a mutual friend

[whyisntanelephantblue]

Hi. I'm new to mumsnet, I really need a hand hold right now and for someone to leave nice things they got up to so I can distract myself. Maybe for some crappy ex stories so I know I'm not alone

I just ended things about two hours with my now ex boyfriend when I found out he slept with a mutual friend of ours. He was talking to someone about it on the phone and I overheard, I was mid way through packing his bags when he came to find me - He knows cheating is a dealbreaker to me so he took his bags and his friend is letting him crash in the spare room for the time being. We were together nearly six years, in the process of buying a house and we were thinking of getting engaged, I feel a bit numb to all this to be honest - It hasn't quite set in what he did. When he explained why I was torn between laughing hysterically or pushing him into the nearest river. He said he did it so he could help our mutual friend get revenge on her ex. When I asked why she couldn't have just asked any single male she knew he said it was because she trusts him more than other male friends we have, the idea is laughable to me.

He says he loves me and he's sorry about what he did. That he knows it was wrong and he shouldn't have said yes when she was so vulnerable - I think he's grovelling because he knows his Mum and Step-Dad wont let him move back in the house. As I'm writing this all down I'm now wondering if its been going on or if it was just a one time thing - I'm truly too terrified to ask either of them. She wasn't a close friend to me, but she was still a friend and she knows I'd have never done that to her.

I know I need to bite the bullet and face the music but for now I just want to curl up on my sofa with my ice cream and watch trash reality shows or a bad English sitcom from the nineties.

I hope your day's going better than mine. I really do

He will return with an engagement ring.

Don't fall for it.

Good on you for hunting him. Never heard that as an excuse before. If he dares show his face tell him you, re hooking up with his mate for sex. Good luck, enjoy your ice cream.

Well he's done the best thing possible .

You could have bought a house together. You could have married. You could have kids.

Instead you dodged a bullet.

Don't look back. He's the idiot. Don't be one.

I personally would want to know if it was a one off or going for a long time, just out of curiosity.

It's because of the way the person has emphasized some of the words that make it seem like it.

He said he did it so he could help our mutual friend get revenge on her ex.

This is pathetic Jeremy Kyle guest tit for tat here. You are better off without immature people like this in your life. I know you will be hurt now, but you’ve had a lucky escape.

Don't let him back in, OP. Don't answer the door if he knocks. Block her too. You're doing fantastically!

You're way too mature for their ridiculous antics. You've outgrown him and you deserve so much more.

That is by far the WORST excuse I have ever heard.

Absolutely doing the right thing by leaving him. Best of luck, OP. You deserve so much better.

Better you found out now than once married and pregnant. You'll be hurting now but he's just not good enough for you. Leave him to cheat his way through your so called friends and when you're ready look for someone decent.

Aww I'm so sorry Op. best to find out now then before you are stuck in a mortgage or married to the tw*t. Eat your ice cream, grieve and pick yourself up in a couple of days. X

Bloody eat your ice cream.

turn it around and imagine being the boyfriend of your mutual "friend ", he wanted to "get back at her".

Oh @perfectcolourfound help me out and let me put my penis in you to get back at her, even though we're all mates, but that'll learn her.

what a wanker. I'm so sorry he did this. Was she his friend first or yours? Will you have to see her? I hope if she tries to talk to you, you either give her both barrels once without a screaming match, or just blank her. It's a load of shit, she could have made anything up to make him jealous.

you sound like you don't want any drama or silly TIT for TWAT in your life lol. What a pair of morons. 💐

Bloody hell OP that's just awful. Don't take him back, that's unforgivable

Just to add another perspective, maybe he wanted you to overhear and it's his way out of getting the house together etc.
Not that it makes it right or anything, but I can't imagine anyone being so stupid to discuss cheating with their partner next door? The reason seems being made up too. To me it seems he got cold feet and wanted out of the relationship but didn't want to be the one who ended it, so let that slip on purpose for you to take action.
You dodged a buller one way or another.

I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone. I had a shit day yesterday, went to bed early and I've only just woken up.

OW contacted me at about five-thirty (ish) yesterday afternoon - "apologised" for hurting me through an Instagram I didn't know she had and said she was "sorry" for what she did and that it had been going on for a few months. I asked her why she did that and she said she had no real reasons why, it just happened and kept happening but she'd like for us to talk and hash it all out. I told her that I wasn't an idiot and maybe she should have realised that. Blocked her after that.

Ex is trying to talk to me, for those who said I should tell his parents. I didn't need to, because he must have called them in a panic while I was packing his things. They're disgusted with him for doing this again. Apparently he was only with his ex ten months and had slept with her cousin or sister for seven of those ten months, I'm hoping his parents will give me her information so I can have a new friend.

As for buying the house - Its not happening anymore, I was going to look at a place on my own but I'm staying in my tiny "Bridget Jones" flat with my plants and my very comfy sofa. At least for the time being anyway. But Im thinking a trip to see my Mum and Dad is in the works

Oh and my stomach hurts from eating all that ice cream yesterday 😆😂🤣

On the up side, at least you found out before getting a place with him. Glad you have dumped him, he’s clearly a bastard. It hurts, but will get better.

Well, thank God you had ice cream in the house! Also, that you hadn’t purchased a place and would have to get legally untangled. He sounds like an absolute psychopath expecting you to buy the “I was helping her…” excuse. What a knight in shining fucking armour! I’m so pleased you’ve binned him!

I guess at least you know now that it wasn't a one off. I'm sorry.

You sound so strong op! Well done!
Yes, go see your parents and let them comfort you.

So he has form... I'm so glad you've found out in time. What an idiot he is.

Definitely his loss.

Well, what a hero, a veritable prince amongst men, a saviour of wronged damsels. What a prick. He wasn’t doing her a favour. He was doing his penis a favour - a free secret shag with a dumbass, moral free, woman. Only you found out about it and went and spoiled everything. And now he’s homeless - ah well too bad never mind. Well done on kicking him out and blocking him. He’ll probably be shacked up with her in a week - needs must, you know - and she’s welcome to him. This frees you up to move onto bigger and better things.

He slept with her because he wanted, full stop. He sabotage on purpose your relationship. Don't let him back. None of them has respect for you.

Revenge on her ex? What age are they 12? That is totally bullshit.

You are better on your own.

You’re handling this brilliantly, if you were my dd I’d be so proud of you. It’s going to hurt for a while, but there’s something better for you in your future, just hold onto that. The hardest thing to overcome will be the urge to want the comfort of being with him (or who you thought he was), resist this and you’ll get through. He doesn’t deserve you. Hope it goes ok this morning.

The cheating is horrendous but the excuse really shows what sort of idiot you're dealing with.

You sound strong, decisive, intelligent and you have a sense of humour. Such an escape.

His own patents can't stand him. He'll never learn.

Good luck at the doctor and keep at the ice cream.

That's horrible, I'm sorry OP. Only bright side is you found out before you bought a place together. Did the OW know of your plans ? Double betrayal

Not much more he can say now you have the OW's throw away confession.
How can he even start to imagine you would ever have him after his months of helpfully slipping his dick into OW?
The guy is a complete toad

she said she had no real reasons why, it just happened and kept happening

That's pathetic. Sex with your BF just happened, she had no real agency or responsibility in this because she was in a trance or something but she has the nerve to want to 'hash it out' as if it's some minor tiff you've had?

Sorry OP, you need friends with a higher IQ 😅