Boyfriend slept with a mutual friend

[whyisntanelephantblue]

Hi. I'm new to mumsnet, I really need a hand hold right now and for someone to leave nice things they got up to so I can distract myself. Maybe for some crappy ex stories so I know I'm not alone

I just ended things about two hours with my now ex boyfriend when I found out he slept with a mutual friend of ours. He was talking to someone about it on the phone and I overheard, I was mid way through packing his bags when he came to find me - He knows cheating is a dealbreaker to me so he took his bags and his friend is letting him crash in the spare room for the time being. We were together nearly six years, in the process of buying a house and we were thinking of getting engaged, I feel a bit numb to all this to be honest - It hasn't quite set in what he did. When he explained why I was torn between laughing hysterically or pushing him into the nearest river. He said he did it so he could help our mutual friend get revenge on her ex. When I asked why she couldn't have just asked any single male she knew he said it was because she trusts him more than other male friends we have, the idea is laughable to me.

He says he loves me and he's sorry about what he did. That he knows it was wrong and he shouldn't have said yes when she was so vulnerable - I think he's grovelling because he knows his Mum and Step-Dad wont let him move back in the house. As I'm writing this all down I'm now wondering if its been going on or if it was just a one time thing - I'm truly too terrified to ask either of them. She wasn't a close friend to me, but she was still a friend and she knows I'd have never done that to her.

I know I need to bite the bullet and face the music but for now I just want to curl up on my sofa with my ice cream and watch trash reality shows or a bad English sitcom from the nineties.

I hope your day's going better than mine. I really do

Already did. I kicked him out too, I'm changing the locks on my flat with my landlord's permission of course and I've blocked him everywhere he could reach me

So sorry you’re going through this, but honestly, it sounds like you’ve dodged a massive bullet there. He’s a skank and she’s no friend. Same thing has just happened to a friend of mine too. There used to be a saying “don’t shit on your own doorstep” - it doesn’t seem to apply any more.

Fantastic that YOU got to kick him out of YOUR home.

How sweet.

@whyisntanelephantblue

Goodness, what a champ he is offering this service to unhappy wayward females. All in his free time and so very selflessly. I really hope his penis doesn't drop off with all this good work.

OP, as others have said, thank goodness you DID hear it before you committed to buying property, or marriage and children were in the mix. Really admire you for having such self respect and taking such prompt, decisive action. Enjoy your icecream - I'm mentally enjoying one with you! 🌹

Because he's the one who cheated and it's my flat?

Ignore the goady posts OP. You did the right thing. It will feel raw and numb, but you deserve someone who treats you with respect.

@billy1966 was not being (and is never) goady. She was applauding you, like the rest of us!

Could have said it in a less goady way. I'm not up for anyone else being an arsehole right now, its been five hours and Im now in a horrible state

Thanks @Alcemeg.

Of course I mean sweet for YOU to be able to kick the cheating twat out of YOUR home.

If it was a shared home you can hardly kick him out.

If it was his home, you would have to leave.

At least you know that he is homeless and sofa surfing.

How is that not clear?

As gently as possible OP noone is being goady xx I think you're reading those replies badly because you're in a shitty headspace. Well done for kicking him out, very satisfying that he will be having a massively shit time sofa surfing.

And as others have said he's done you a favour, easy clean break with no divorce or shared assets like a house. You will bounce back brilliantly and he will be a shell, you deserve so much better. Take care x

I think his pathetic excuse would piss me off more than the actual cheating.

Have you spoken to your ‘friend’ and got her side?
Perhaps you could phrase it like you know everything already and want to know what she was thinking - then you can see if it was just a one off or if it’s been going on for ages.

Just a heads up though he may have already been in touch with her to get their story straight.

Obviously you can’t trust either of them.

Why on earth would OP want the friend's side? whether it's ongoing or one off, OP has decided she won't tolerate it and good for her.

Did he want you to overhear that call / was it his idiotic way of breaking it off because he’s seeing her ?
I mean OW could just tell Kyle she slept with other people. She doesn’t actually have to do it. Unless they provided Kyle with evidence. This is all weird.
Sorry OP. Stay strong, enjoy the ice cream then rebuild a fabulous life without that bell end.

I dont know if he wanted me to hear the call, I was trying to find my contact lenses box when I overheard. OW has a tendency to do this, probably why she never has friends for long. I agree this is all weird, its been five hours and I still cant work out what's going through their thick skulls

I think I'm gaining like thirty to forty pounds with this ice cream, Carte D'Or Strawberry flavour. 900 mls from Tesco - Well worth it if you ask me

you deserve better than that. let them have each other

go away

Sorry to hear it you must feel terrible right now, what an utter pig. Be strong OP, dont let him back, hope you feel better soon.

Sounds like they deserve each other. If this is the best story they could come up with prob not too much between either sets of ears.

Prefer a toffee ice cream for break-ups myself, but each to their own! you can work off the 40lbs in the gym next week 🤣

🌸x

What a horrible excuse for a man I'm so sorry he did this but he has shown you who he is!! You've got this OP 💪 look after yourself 💐

@whyisntanelephantblue I'm guessing it's been a long term affair and he was bragging

@billy1966 I've no idea why but some people are reading your post as being sarcastic / goady. Those of us on here a lot know you and know you're always kind and supportive, never goady.

You genuinely meant it was sweet that she got to kick him out and the op and a couple of others have followed her lead. Most of us know you meant it literally!

Of course I did. Thank you.

"Sweet" as in satisfying.🤷🏻‍♀️

Not to worry.

The OP is understandably very upset.

I've also seen @billy1966 on MN a lot and she's a good egg

WTF gosh I’m so sorry op. I’d be calling his parents and letting them know too! Let Homs suffer the consequences of his own actions.

If it’s any consolation, at least you hadn’t completed on a house with him. This would be ten times worse trying to untangle yourself from.