Girls Night Out to see Barbie film - friend wants to bring her DH...

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Just that really, and it's annoyed me.

Posted to our 'girls' group chat asking if anyone wanted to get together to go see the Barbie movie and friend (who seems more inseparable from her DH than the rest of us...) posted 'yes, 'Bob' and I can do X/Y/Z nights'.

I don't want 'Bob' there. Thought we could have a girls' night out, wear pink and have a laugh together. 'Bob' is friendly with my DH and if 'Bob' goes then my DH will assume he can come too, then it changes the whole dynamic.

FFS. What do I say?

It seems to me that in your efforts to be polite and subtle, you might be allowing these people to get the wrong idea. They clearly think that inviting the entire family, every time, is normal. So they're probably taking it personally that they're not getting these invites.

So I agree with PPs, you need to be very direct. Doesn't have to be rude but at the time of the message, an immediate response saying "oh, this is the girls only chat - I thought it would be fun to do a ladies Barbie trip. But looking forward to seeing all the men next week" would have been fine and possibly avoided her thinking it's personal.

A bit off the topic, but as the subject has come up... my dp is not a huge cinemagoer, so doesn't have much patience for lightweight, fluffy films and tends to fall asleep in anything a bit dull. But he likes sharp-witted comedy and slightly twisted social satire with quotable lines. That is this film, right? I know it's not Barbie in the Nutcracker, but is it properly meaty?

I would say it tried to be meaty but isn’t. I did not enjoy it. I found the depiction of men (as bumbling and stupid) a bit idiotic and mildly offensive. I also found a lot of the feminism to be whiny. (I am female).

my DH would be bored stiff

Lucky you.
😉😁😁😁

Shame, I wouldn't be that keen on that either.

Good for you for standing up to this crap! I used to have a friend who brought her DH everywhere. The problem was as he didn’t really have any friends of his own and wanted to somehow experience friendship by tagging along with hers.

We don’t meet much anymore…

They sound very weird.

Thanks, this is useful. It has such amazing advertising everywhere, they’ve been so sneaky getting the nees to write about it, I keep feeling like I should see it. But I don’t actually wanna! 😂

Yep, that’s a bit weird and certainly presumptuous.

Me neither.

I didn't really play with barbies and dolls when I was younger, I was more into reading and playing outside so I have no desire to watch the film. I probably will at some point when it comes on the TV.

I was in a group of 4 friends who met for lunch/coffee occasionally without our husbands. We did plenty socially as couples but it was nice to have time together just the women. Anyway, one started bringing her husband along. She asked if it was ok the first time and I laughed and said only if we can call him Mary - it's girls only. Well she brought him and we called him Mary. He thought it was great and very funny being called Mary. It just encouraged him, the twat.

We now meet as a group of 3 friends.

This woman would be the ideal partner for a man I dated for 13 months (10 months too long);

• "When I'm in a relationship, I don't go out without my partner".

• "When I'm in relationship, I wouldn't go to a party without my partner"

• "When I'm in a relationship, I wouldn't go to something my partner wasn't invited to".

• "Why is your cousin asking you on a night out on your own, does she not know that's my night, I'm going ..."

Then there were the delightful evenings out for a casual drink with acquaintances (when I had no plans with him); "where are you?" "Just out for a drink in town", "right, I'll not keep you"(angry tone), then the text messages start "you never told me you were going out for a drink! The trust is broken and the relationship is over".
Conversation afterward (why oh why did I even bother discussing it?) "Why would I tell you I was going out for a last minute drink unless we were messaging/talking, which we weren't. I can go out for a drink without having to tell you beforehand, and you can go out for a drink without telling me beforehand. We don't even have to tell each other afterward if it doesn't crop up naturally" ..... He looked at me like I'd said one if the most disturbing & unsettling things he ever heard.
Went on and on and on.and on til I finished it.

His attitude to separate socialising, you see, was healthy, respectful and fair on each partner. People going out without their partner was not "fair".

This woman and the other women posters have mentioned would be his wet dream. I feel like trying to get their numbers for him so he doesn't have to waste the time of and cause massive stress to gf after gf.

As much as you might like someone's partner or kids, their presence does change the dynamic. And it's not unreasonable to want to see your friends, who you have chosen, rather than some bloke you only know because he's married to your friend!
It's like women who think their children are adored by their friends and want to bring them to adult occasions - even when you like your friends' kids, there's a time snd a place but some parents just can't see it. Same with partners!

I'm not talking about every time my parent/s socialise! 😵‍💫🙄 Far from it. I'm saying in 40 years of knowing their friends as I've known them all my life there's been several big family orientated parties and evenings out with them and their children (or their children in attendance and not me etc) and it's always been a blessing we all feel like family as far as I'm concerned. The nights remind me of big Irish or Italian get togethers with lots of laughter, wine, food and warmth/love as cheesy as that sounds. I feel defensive for myself and the poster's friend for some Mumsnetters always turning things into something negative and depressing. I already said I get wanting a girls night out and I get wanting one on one time with close friends but saying the friend is very odd by just asking if her husband can go to the cinema as he prob wanted to see the film (which makes him a weird, clingy possessive man to some people on here) and for ONCE asking if her daughter could hang out at dinner with her and her "good" friends...to me is cold and anti social and I don't get this age and gender divide nonsense to the extent Mumsnet makes it. People are people and you might enjoy their company. Be grateful they want to go. To then plan to go without the friend at all just seems harsh - what if she then finds out...count me out of Mumsnet discussions from here..it's exhausting and some people are so narrow minded it's like being in discussions with people who have only ever lived in a box.

Well you just contradicted yourself. You you said you "get" wanting a girls' night out and one on one time with close friends, but then argued "people are people" and you don't get the age/gender divide and you should be grateful they want to socialise with you. This is just ridiculous, and I socialise with my friends and their adult DCs often.

The only comment I have on this is that social rules continue to evade me.
I'd assume that if I was Bob’s wife, i’d be asking because he wanted to see the movie. If you said no, i’d make my decision on whether to go with Bob or you girls on that answer.
I don't see the issue here. Why is it annoying to ask? If you say no, it's girls night, as organiser, i’d defer to that 🤷🏻‍♀️

She didn't ask though, she said 'Bob and I are free', assuming he would be coming.

Expecting it to be Eraserhead or Citizen Kane is silly. It is trying to give girls a bit of entry-level feminism while making their parents laugh. It is clever, funny and interesting. Not pure candy floss but also not a grey, worthy dirge.

How many mainstream films mention the patriarchy not once but several times? How many films our girls (or husbands) are watching even pass the Bechdel test? It's not Aguirre, Wrath of God but I bet Herzog and Kinski would watch it and have a chuckle.

@MrsTerryPratchett I'm not hoping it will be Citizen Kane - just concerned that it might be "Ted" and my dp will be pissed off with me for making him sit through it!

I have a friend like your friend. I have come to realise that her husband is controlling and abusive and everytime we have gone out alone, he sulks and is constantly messaging her. She can never relax, so therefore I don't ask her out anymore.

Considering that it was the cinema and there would be little/no conversation anyway, I think you made a bigger deal out of it than necessary. Dinner/drink etc, sure – but not the cinema.

Oh if she's in an abusive relationship and you've stopped inviting her out- mission accomplished for the abuser.

The point of the behaviour is to make it harder for her to have her own life, and to ultimately isolate her and make her even more vulnerable to his control and abuse.

It sounds difficult, but please keep making an effort to stay in touch with her.

@SunRainStorm Oh I absolutely do it's just I've stopped asking her out alone. It has to be with her husband or nothing. The worst part is she is completely unaware regarding her husband's behaviour but it's not my place to tell her.

Good on you. It's so hard isn't it!