Girls Night Out to see Barbie film - friend wants to bring her DH...

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Just that really, and it's annoyed me.

Posted to our 'girls' group chat asking if anyone wanted to get together to go see the Barbie movie and friend (who seems more inseparable from her DH than the rest of us...) posted 'yes, 'Bob' and I can do X/Y/Z nights'.

I don't want 'Bob' there. Thought we could have a girls' night out, wear pink and have a laugh together. 'Bob' is friendly with my DH and if 'Bob' goes then my DH will assume he can come too, then it changes the whole dynamic.

FFS. What do I say?

If DP said he just wanted to catch up with university friends (for example) that'd be fair enough but if he ever said he was going on a "boys' night" which he never has - I'd laugh in his face

I'm sorry your boyfriend has such a controlling partner!

Having a couple there completely changes the dynamic. There are a few I wouldn't mind but some I would, I wouldn't take mine along to a cinema trip with a load of my friends particularly.

It's not being "barred due to your gender" it's giving people a bit of space to have a night without partners.

All the men who would rather [insert awful thing] than see the Barbie film are missing the point. It is actually an excellent film.

Although I quite like the idea that men won't go to it and therefore will miss the start of the revolution to overthrow the patriarchy. Because it was cunningly embedded in a Barbie film. All the Allans will go and therefore be allies. The Kens will rue the day.

Tell Ken to do one!

*SPOILER ALERT**
This type of situation/theme actually comes up in the movie!😂

Every night is girl's night.

Most men that I know would opt for root canal treatment over being the odd male out at a girls night out. Sounds like that there is some unusual dynamic in their relationship for her to want him to join a group of women all dressed up in pink at the Barbie film.

UPDATE

So she basically ruined it for everyone 😂

After she posted the chat went quiet, but two other friends messaged me privately to say they'd like to come if it was a fun girls' night out, but was 'Bob' coming and they didn't want to make it a 'with partners' thing (we already have something else booked next week as a bigger group anyway).

I saw my friend ('Bob's' wife) and she said 'Bob' asked if Barbie was happening or not, because he'd spoken to my DH and he didn't seem to know about it 😫and I said, no, because I had intended it to be a girls thing (I thought the "Girls! Who fancies a night out together to go see Barbie?!" was fairly self-explanatory).
She then seemed offended and said that she supposed she could 'uninvite' 'Bob' and I said well technically he was never invited in the first place! She then got all grumpy and said that she and her husband 'liked doing things together, and besides, he "liked all her friends" ' (no consideration about whether we wanted his presence then?)

I said it probably wasn't going to happen anyway as people seemed busy and I changed the subject. (Two of the other women and I may go to see it next week!)

I think they are just a bit weird different in their attitude to these things. It isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened. When we invited them to a dinner party at our house for DH's birthday they asked 'is XX (their 20 year old daughter) invited too?' which was difficult as we had limited space and didn't really want to add a random 20 year old into the mix!

Poor sod. Like swimming through a vat of Bird's Instant Whip - strawberry flavour.

God that ages me.

I do think your view is a bit weird tbh. I get why you might want a girls night out now and then but to then to find it weird and anti social that they might like their daughter to come to a dinner party is weird and anti social to me! If limited space round the table fine just say that but your attitude to it is what I don't get. l've grown up often going with my parents to their close friend's parties or days out and their children have too to my parents. Those children (now adults) go to our weddings etc and I like to hear what they're up to if I haven't seen them in a while. We all know each other well. My dad will speak to his friend's now 45 year old sons on the phone now and then and they've stayed in our holiday home.
Their daughter is not a random 20 year old! Also I like boyfriends/husbands being part of celebrations/events generally.

If I was her and found out I was dropped like that and everyone went secretly to the cinema I'd be confused and upset. All you had to say was "oh this is a girls night out". Simple?!

It does seem strange.

My boyfriend often says I'm his favourite person to hang out with and he'd rather spend an evening doing nothing with me than anything else with anyone else. That doesn't mean he doesn't see his friends though!

It's an odd dynamic.

Tbh, I'd rather have someone's 20 year old daughter turn up than their partner!

I don't get the subterfuge. I'd just say "Girls night only I'm afraid " on the group chat and leave it at that.

The point is, there is 'family group' time and 'friend group' time.

Being friends with someone doesn't mean you have to commit to social time with their extended relations every time you meet.

Not sure why you let it drag out and become an issue.

You should have immediately responded in the group chat clarifying that it was a 'girls only' thing.

She would have been immediately set straight about the nature of the occasion and never invited Bob.

That is weird. Are your children friends with their children?

Again, you can just immediately write back saying 'not this time' and not let it become a drama.

I agree with you OP. I used to meet up with a group of school friends (all women) every Christmas. One friend always brought her partner along, even though no one else did.

We’d spend part of the time reminiscing, or sharing updates on our old schoolmates, and friend’s partner would sit there looking bored. So we felt we had to cut these conversations short, so he didn’t feel left out.

He was a nice enough guy and I was happy to hang out with him at other times. I don’t think he was controlling - I think my friend insisted on dragging him along.

This friend was always the type of person who hated spending any time alone. Even when three of us used to walk home from school together, this girl would want us to make a small detour so we’d separate very close to her house. I can’t imagine being like this myself. It would drive me nuts.

Really? I think asking about the 20 year old daughter is even weirder than the husband to what is clearly a girls night. I can't think of anything I would have wanted to do less at age 20 then go for a night out with my parents friends.

That doesn't mean that I would never socialise with them - for example it would be fine and normal for the hosts kids to pop down and have a chat, and things like weddings or someone hosting a bbq or a "big" birthday party in a rugby club or whatever, yeah normal to invite the whole family. But something like a dinner party I'd always assume was adults only- not least because, like you say, if everyone bought all their kids there'd be no room.

There's obviously no overall right or wrong, just depends what's the norm in your friendship group and for some reason this one friend doesn't seem to get/agree with what the rest of you consider to be the norm, perhaps she has other friends who do everything together.

I do think it might be a bit mean for the rest of the women to go without her, she seems to understand now after your conversation that the invite doesn't include Bob so she won't ask him again -if she does she's got the hide of a rhino!

It's got nothing to do with the barbie film being for women or men - DH is absolutelylooking forward to seeing it.

But if you can't see that sometimes there are moments where you want to be with just your own sex, and that for your DH it might be the same, then I am surprised. It's not exactly a revelation that the dynamic is different. I mean, I went out with the "girls" a week or two ago and absolutely part of the conversation was how I was feeling having started HRT. That is NOT a conversation I'll be having when Pete, Dave and Mark are there too. This surely is not difficult to understand?

I think you made it a bigger deal by not jsut being clear. ‘No bobs or kens allowed, I’ve told Dh he’s not invited, anyone up for a girls trip to see barbie? If Bob wants to go you and he will have to make a date of it Sandra.’

I know my DH won't be watching it either.

Nope, going along to your parent's dinner parties is weird.

I meet up with just my girl friends. Would be annoying if just one DH wanted to come.

As for the film. My DH has said he doesn't want to watch it but if I was watching it at home he might. He wouldn't go to the cinema as it's not something he really wants to watch.

No, children not friends with their children - different schools, different sexes and ages. Only met a couple of times.

If it had been a drinks/buffet or BBQ I would have said of course, that's fine and not batted an eyelid, but five middle-aged couples and a 20 yr-old seemed an odd potential mix. I found it uncomfortable being asked 'is XX invited?' because my immediate response would be 'no, why would she be?' but I think I probably said we were a bit tight for space and I didn't think she'd find it much fun. They seemed pissed off though!