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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this suspicious?

104 replies

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 12:54

I gave birth 3 weeks ago and while I was pregnant my partner started going out(he had never really gone out unless it was a works night out maybe once or twice a year) which isn’t an issue in itself but he stayed out all night a handful of times and never contacted me or he’d say he’d be home soon then never came home also he’d go out and say I’m just going to the shop or I’m just nipping here then just stay out. He was supposedly at his brothers house every time and the next morning he would text me saying sorry I feel asleep and the last time he stayed out he said my brother was feeling low so I stayed and talked to him(every time he’s been out for ages or not came home it’s always his friend or someone was having a hard time and he was consoling them it’s the same story every time.
He went to to get cigarettes one night(there’s a shop less than a minute away in the car) and he took about an hour came back said he went to the garage cos it’s just habit as he stops there on his way to work(garage is a 5/10 minute drive) and texts me on his way home an hour later to say he’d bumped in to his friend from work and he had broke down so had to give him a lift home. He’s said that another time he went somewhere though months later.
Everytime he answers the phone he turns his volume down even if it’s his work mates.
take his phone everywhere with him even in the middle of the night going to the toilet or for a cigarette.
He wakes up randomly in the night and goes in the kitchen for ages and shuts the door. I got up for the toilet one night and opened the kitchen door and heard the noise as if he was sat on the worktop and was coming down off it.
Every night he says he’s going to bed and goes through to the bedroom but never actually goes to sleep he’ll sit on his phone for hours(and I know he masturbates sometimes) I’ve walked in a few times and he’s startled.
I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head but he does all these little things that make me uneasy and suspicious. Am I clutching at straws or would anyone else be suspicious?
He’s away out for lunch with his work mates this afternoon and I just feel like crap he went and got his haircut, got the ironing board out etc and never makes that effort to go anywhere with me my stomach is in knots.

OP posts:
GallaBru · 23/07/2023 20:32

Jesus crap OP get this utter excuse of a man out your home. He doesn’t offer you anything. Have your home back, get your room back, and never have to have sleepless nights wondering where he is, or what drugs he’s done.
In a click of a finger it can all be yours.

CornishTiger · 23/07/2023 20:48

Acornsoup · 23/07/2023 19:26

Moonchild5

"CornishTiger
You aren’t ready to end this relationship yet but I hope you soon will be.

Have you heard of the freedom programme? You can do it online.

Also what is the housing situation?"

The freedom programme is not about separating leaving or from someone. It is about recognising the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Recognising red flags. Addressing why abusers behave the way they do. It's also about being safe and keeping children safe. There is so much more to FP, they don't advise anyone to LTB.

Which is exactly why I suggested she looks at it. She’s not ready yet to leave. She needs to recognise what’s healthy and not.

Acornsoup · 23/07/2023 21:19

Completely agree @CornishTiger. Sorry cut and paste mistake. My comment was directed at OP who seems to be writing off the FO as an escape programme, when it is so much more. No offence intended :)

Balancedcitizen101 · 28/12/2024 16:22

I don't want you to be upset but this is suspicious behaviour. Maybe try corroborating the story with some of these friends or relatives if possible. If it's lies then you need answers, if genuine then sort of weird and he needs to rethink time priorities, but not too bad. Might not be my place to say it but he ought to try and give up smoking/drugs.

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