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Relationships

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Is this suspicious?

104 replies

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 12:54

I gave birth 3 weeks ago and while I was pregnant my partner started going out(he had never really gone out unless it was a works night out maybe once or twice a year) which isn’t an issue in itself but he stayed out all night a handful of times and never contacted me or he’d say he’d be home soon then never came home also he’d go out and say I’m just going to the shop or I’m just nipping here then just stay out. He was supposedly at his brothers house every time and the next morning he would text me saying sorry I feel asleep and the last time he stayed out he said my brother was feeling low so I stayed and talked to him(every time he’s been out for ages or not came home it’s always his friend or someone was having a hard time and he was consoling them it’s the same story every time.
He went to to get cigarettes one night(there’s a shop less than a minute away in the car) and he took about an hour came back said he went to the garage cos it’s just habit as he stops there on his way to work(garage is a 5/10 minute drive) and texts me on his way home an hour later to say he’d bumped in to his friend from work and he had broke down so had to give him a lift home. He’s said that another time he went somewhere though months later.
Everytime he answers the phone he turns his volume down even if it’s his work mates.
take his phone everywhere with him even in the middle of the night going to the toilet or for a cigarette.
He wakes up randomly in the night and goes in the kitchen for ages and shuts the door. I got up for the toilet one night and opened the kitchen door and heard the noise as if he was sat on the worktop and was coming down off it.
Every night he says he’s going to bed and goes through to the bedroom but never actually goes to sleep he’ll sit on his phone for hours(and I know he masturbates sometimes) I’ve walked in a few times and he’s startled.
I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head but he does all these little things that make me uneasy and suspicious. Am I clutching at straws or would anyone else be suspicious?
He’s away out for lunch with his work mates this afternoon and I just feel like crap he went and got his haircut, got the ironing board out etc and never makes that effort to go anywhere with me my stomach is in knots.

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:17

Flashingtealights · 22/07/2023 14:38

So you know he goes out to pick up drugs,
Maybe it's just me but I have as little tolerance for drug taking fools as I do for cheating fools. With a new baby on the scene now might be a good idea for him to stop that shit and grow up

Looking back I’ve realised that’s where he must’ve been a few times but don’t know for sure and can’t prove anything. If I finished with him he’d say I’ve finishing with him “over nothing” as everything looks and sounds legit when you ask him about anything

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:19

PollyAmour · 22/07/2023 15:15

He takes drugs, he smokes, he is secretive with his phone, he stays out all night - why on earth are you putting up with this? Kick him out. Don't pack his bags, shove it all in bin liners and put it outside, change the locks and don't let him back in.

He’s always had a reason for everything and I can’t prove anything everything that comes out his mouth sounds plausible I want to be able to chick him out with a good reason

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 22/07/2023 15:22

So he lies, takes drugs, goes missing for hours, doesnt contribute financially and you think he has cheated.... and you are looking for a good reason to throw him out...
Okay then....🤔

Flashingtealights · 22/07/2023 15:40

Read back everything you wrote in your first post . The taking his phone to the toilet, not coming home at night on more than one occasion, waking up and taking his phone into the kitchen and shutting the door . None of it sounds legit, nothing he can say makes it sound legit. You obviously have good reason to believe he's going out to buy drugs, yet none of these things are enough for you to leave. You are free to leave simply because you don't trust him and are unhappy, you don't need his permission. I get with a new baby it's hard to think of being alone, but his behaviour won't change so it depends on weather you are willing to accept it or not .

Mabelface · 22/07/2023 15:41

I'd call his bluff and pack his stuff ready for when he gets home. He's acting like a single man, not a new father.

You also have a good excuse for him to leave. I'd call it a reason really, and that is the fact you want him to leave. That's more than enough.

LadyEloise1 · 22/07/2023 15:42

Bonbon21 · 22/07/2023 15:22

So he lies, takes drugs, goes missing for hours, doesnt contribute financially and you think he has cheated.... and you are looking for a good reason to throw him out...
Okay then....🤔

Love it 😂

Jongleterre · 22/07/2023 15:45

Even if there is no other woman or women invoked, he's very immature.

Something is up as that's odd and selfish behaviour but it doesn't necessarily mean it's a woman/women.

Sadly, he is no role model for your child and you are going to be raising a child that is frequently disappointed in their father.

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:47

Bonbon21 · 22/07/2023 15:22

So he lies, takes drugs, goes missing for hours, doesnt contribute financially and you think he has cheated.... and you are looking for a good reason to throw him out...
Okay then....🤔

I mean I’ve no proof of anything to anyone else it would look like I’ve chucked him out over nothing as he has a plausible answer for everything & I never said he doesn’t contribute financially we half all the bills etc

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:53

Mabelface · 22/07/2023 15:41

I'd call his bluff and pack his stuff ready for when he gets home. He's acting like a single man, not a new father.

You also have a good excuse for him to leave. I'd call it a reason really, and that is the fact you want him to leave. That's more than enough.

I get what everyone is saying I just want evidence of something as I’ll be the bad for splitting a family up over “nothing” & he’ll plead to everyone how much he loves me etc I can’t be bothered with all his flying monkeys thinking I’m a horrible bitch I don’t have the energy to justify myself. Right now/today I’ve no reason to pack his bags we haven’t argued or anything he’s just went out for lunch with his work mates everything was fine I just felt like crap when he was getting ready just assuming he’ll stay out all night & the fact he put a shirt on and ironed it etc when he never goes to lunch with me or dresses like that for me I started getting upset and made this post

OP posts:
warmmfeet · 22/07/2023 15:57

You can't have your baby around drugs. It could go wrong in so many ways. I'm sorry I know it's going to be really hard but you need to get away from him. It'll be worth it.

AndyMcFlurry · 22/07/2023 15:59

You will NEVER find enough proof that he and his flying monkeys will accept.

Even if you find a video of his shagging your sister it will still be your fault because you didn’t give him enough attention and all your family are psychos and your sister forced him to do it.

So don’t waste your time looking for proof. Spend your time planning how to get him out and still pay the bills .

Is the lease in your name ? When does your maternity pay stop? what benefits are you entitled to? what are your childcare options ? Do you have any joint bank acounts etc ?

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:05

AndyMcFlurry · 22/07/2023 15:59

You will NEVER find enough proof that he and his flying monkeys will accept.

Even if you find a video of his shagging your sister it will still be your fault because you didn’t give him enough attention and all your family are psychos and your sister forced him to do it.

So don’t waste your time looking for proof. Spend your time planning how to get him out and still pay the bills .

Is the lease in your name ? When does your maternity pay stop? what benefits are you entitled to? what are your childcare options ? Do you have any joint bank acounts etc ?

It’s my house he moved in here everything is in my name and I have my own stuff I’d never have a joint bank account, mortgage etc with anyone. Money, house, car etc isn't an issue I’m not out of pocket or missing out on anything if he leaves. If anything I’ll have more money if he leaves as I wouldn’t need to buy as much food or electricity

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 16:06

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:47

I mean I’ve no proof of anything to anyone else it would look like I’ve chucked him out over nothing as he has a plausible answer for everything & I never said he doesn’t contribute financially we half all the bills etc

Why are you bothered what anyone else would think or what it would look like to them?? Yeah of course he will play the victim and say you kicked him out for nothing but why are you entertaining this man when you have a small baby? He obviously isn’t putting you or baby first.

Anyone who has a habit of risky behaviour such as drug taking would not be in my life! I do not entertain men who take drugs. There’s a whole load of psychology behind why they do it and I wouldn’t even want to go there. Plus his recent behaviour of disappearing all night and not coming home or not even having the decency to let you know why he’s not coming home would be the end for me! Raise your standards. He is showing you who he is!

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 16:07

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:05

It’s my house he moved in here everything is in my name and I have my own stuff I’d never have a joint bank account, mortgage etc with anyone. Money, house, car etc isn't an issue I’m not out of pocket or missing out on anything if he leaves. If anything I’ll have more money if he leaves as I wouldn’t need to buy as much food or electricity

So you are paying for his food and electricity and this his how he treats you? Wow!

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:36

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 16:07

So you are paying for his food and electricity and this his how he treats you? Wow!

I’m not? We pay half of everything but what I pay half for now is more than I paid on my own for myself and son as he eats a lot and bought a tv for the bedroom which I wouldn’t use if he wasn’t here.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2023 16:39

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 22/07/2023 13:33

don’t know if he wants me to pack his bags so he can tell everyone I chucked him out

TELLS YOU TO PACK HIS STUFF?? wtf are windows for?? out of the window with it followed by a suitcase or two. If it's raining and the stuff gets wet all the better.

Yes

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2023 16:40

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 13:33

This is the first time he’s been out since I’ve given birth so will see if he returns home he said he’ll only be a few hours

I'm
So sorry this is happening PLEASE tell your best friend or family and have someone come stay with you or go to them you do not t need his drama and stress

Ladyj84 · 22/07/2023 16:40

You chose to be with a person that takes drugs that enough says you have a problem yourself making right choices

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2023 16:41

Ladyj84 · 22/07/2023 16:40

You chose to be with a person that takes drugs that enough says you have a problem yourself making right choices

Stop bullying this new mum.

Please phone friend or family member to come and help you xx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2023 16:42

I had a useless Man too who
Did this when I was pregnant, I'm so much better off being supported by family than him

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 16:46

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:36

I’m not? We pay half of everything but what I pay half for now is more than I paid on my own for myself and son as he eats a lot and bought a tv for the bedroom which I wouldn’t use if he wasn’t here.

But it’s still costing YOU more and he is treating you like a mug. It’s your home yet he feels he can live in your house, take drugs, disappear all night without even contacting you to tell you where he is and then come home and behave like he is entitled to do all this even with a new baby! And now he’s on his phone all the time doing god knows what! Yes his behaviour is extremely suspicious. Even if he isn’t cheating, he doesn’t seem to care about you or the baby! I wouldn’t want a man who disappeared on me for strange reasons and left me to look after the baby! Even worse if he is cheating!

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:50

Ladyj84 · 22/07/2023 16:40

You chose to be with a person that takes drugs that enough says you have a problem yourself making right choices

I didn’t know he took drugs?

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 16:55

littlebopeepp234 · 22/07/2023 16:46

But it’s still costing YOU more and he is treating you like a mug. It’s your home yet he feels he can live in your house, take drugs, disappear all night without even contacting you to tell you where he is and then come home and behave like he is entitled to do all this even with a new baby! And now he’s on his phone all the time doing god knows what! Yes his behaviour is extremely suspicious. Even if he isn’t cheating, he doesn’t seem to care about you or the baby! I wouldn’t want a man who disappeared on me for strange reasons and left me to look after the baby! Even worse if he is cheating!

I’m not justifying his actions but just to make it clear again my baby is 3 weeks old and he hasn’t been anywhere since I gave birth today was the first day he went out & he’s went out with work mates to lunch as far as I’m aware so this hasn’t been an issue in a few months now. Today I got upset as he was getting ready because he never wears a shirt etc for me and never goes to lunch with me so started adding up all his behaviour over the last few years and made this post

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 22/07/2023 16:58

Moonchild5 · 22/07/2023 15:10

Not the going out but everything else yes. He only started going when I fell pregnant for some weird reason

In that case it’s likely to be other women. It’s very common for men to start cheating when their partner is pregnant.
You know this is a terrible relationship. Stop worrying what the flying monkeys will think if you end it. Ignore them.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/07/2023 17:08

Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? Get rid of this utter loser.

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