Have been taken for a ride here?

[lostsoul88]

Ive been dating a girl since late December. It’s been a very slow burn, she works a lot and has a small child. Basically first three months we saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. Took two months to sleep together (fine by me no rush there) we talked about what she wanted, stable relationship maybe kids in future etc.
she’s always been very distant and guarded she rarely texts me unless I start a convo 1st.
she dodges questions all the time, “ what have been up to today?” Are you off next week anytime!?” Etc by changing the narrative.
In June we discovered she was pregnant, big surprise but we discussed things with me preferring a termination but also telling her if she wanted to continue then I would standby her and try and make things work.
I made it clear that in my view our relationship was rocky and that she should think long and hard that potentially she could be on her own in the future, and if she would be happy with that.
my family are all worried she has baby trapped me but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but she’s not helping herself being so distant from me. I really like her and am keen to make things work but all the effort is very one sided.
I’m a high earner with assets, she’s rents a room in her mates flat.
not really sure what to do? 😞

This woman sounds bizarre and a user. You seem extremely guileless. If you don't mind me asking, what is it that you like about her? Is it just that she is (presumably) good looking?

Scan dates can be wrong but if it was THAT out they would have concerns for the baby's growth and wether it would continue to be viable. Did she explicitly say in front of you when at the scan her last missed period date to the medical staff? Unless you've seen it written down or heard it from her mouth TO medical professionals I wouldn't be believing her at all.

OP, read @AcrossthePond55 excellent advice to you, and especially ask yourself this part:
As far as wanting to continue to see her, exactly why do you want to? You have (valid) doubts about her honesty and trust is the very foundation of ALL successful relationships. Is it because you are lonely? Is it basically sex-driven? Are you a 'rescuer' and she a 'damsel in distress'?

What need does this woman fulfil for you? What do you like about her?

I agree with pp that counselling would be best for you to do right now to get your head straight and work out what to do. You find it difficult to communicate your needs to this woman - feeling 'guilty' for asking for your own car back when she has her own one what's that all about?
Have you ever met her son?

Has she said anything about what she wants to happen once baby is born? What to do you want to happen? Would
You like to live together or not?

It's ok to end the relationship if you do it very very kindly and thoughtfully. I say this from someone who was left suddenly by long term partner at 8months pregnant in a horrible way - that was traumatic but it's more how it happened and the timing. This irelationahip was very much still in the dating stages. You might want to talk with a mediator or couples counsellor yourselves to try and help you both work out what you want now.

Is she from Britain? I'm wondering if there is a
Language or cultural difference getting in the way of communication?

If you want parental responsibility for the child you need to make sure you're on the birth certificate. I'd also want a dna test at some point but most babies look a lot like their dads when born too.

Ps condoms can split everyone it's so boring to hear 'why didn't use protection' on every unplanned pregnancy post on MN

@Captain1 how old is she?

I'd say the 'special bag' was a performance so you'd believe her. It's unlikely this baby is yours and you definitely need a DNA test.

He said he didn't use them already. Surely they don't split half as much as people claim anyway...

I agree with need for dna test especially with the dates, but please don't insist on it until after the baby is born, unless you can do it via a blood test, amniocentesis is dangerous and can cause miscarriage so don't even pressure someone into that

Plenty of private companies offering DNA tests on unborn babies. They just need the mother's blood and the potential father's saliva. Costs around £850.

@HundredMilesAnHour oh really I'd ask to do that immediately then

You would be daft not to get a DNA test done. From a reputable agency. My feeling? She's still with the little boys dad and has targeted you because you are vulnerable, high earning, swallow any old shit she tells you and hand over cars. Get the DNA test.

I agree is all odd. I questioned her about the dates and she got quite upset and angry. (I guess she would if she was lying). I will do the DNA test.

I’m pretty sure she’s not with her ex as we briefly met once so he knows about me.

she’s off this week we last text tues and she hasn’t text me at all since. I’m not texting her to see what happens (big childlike really but I need to know she cares a bit).

if I don’t hear from her I’m going round Saturday afternoon to have it out. Either way I’ll get my car back.

Come on OP, you can't just bumble on hoping for the best. You have agency. Use it. Why are you begging for scraps from this woman? Why don't you value yourself? I bet she can't believe her luck.

Hopefully it's a lie, she realizes you're on to her and she'll let it drop. I know it's not nice to be questioned but can hardly be upset you're suspicious given the string of lies shes already told.

But...OP you are behaving almost as odd as her tbh, you're very passive in all of this. I can't believe you haven't got the car back yet, the fact she hasn't even returned it for a month and you are (presumably) without a vehicle whist she has two is incredibly rude and entitled. I cannot understand why you're letting her treat you like this, and you still want to be with her?! Good luck on Saturday, but if this baby isn't yours I'd consider it a lucky escape and move on and work on your self esteem so you pick a better partner next time.

And why do you "need to know she cares" newsflash [from what you have said] she doesn't, and you don't "need"anything from her. In the nicest possible way, give yourself a shake OP!

@Captain1 Don't wait until Saturday to pick up a 40k car that is pure stupidity she could be getting you speeding tickets and will just blame you because she seems to lie quite easily! For a high flying guy I am baffled how you got so successful with this no life experience. I can’t help but think after reading this post that u have us all hook line and sinker! Surely no one can be this naive! Well played Captain 👨‍✈️

Exactly this...also other people may be driving it! ..Not sure I believe you as the story seem a bit far fetched!

You do sound super lovely OP & a little bit naive. Men usually get a bashing on here but I think I'm on your side.

A child is a massive lifelong commitment and you need to know if the child is yours for peace of mind. Who's idea was it to have unprotected sex ?

I think the relationship has run it's course - you've hooked up for a bit but because of the suspicious behaviour you've described in its infancy, I'd really consider knocking it on the head.

Future FYI don't lend your car. It's not your place to save people. Find an independent one. We do exist.