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Original poster

Have been taken for a ride here?

119 replies

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 21:04

Ive been dating a girl since late December. It’s been a very slow burn, she works a lot and has a small child. Basically first three months we saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. Took two months to sleep together (fine by me no rush there) we talked about what she wanted, stable relationship maybe kids in future etc.
she’s always been very distant and guarded she rarely texts me unless I start a convo 1st.
she dodges questions all the time, “ what have been up to today?” Are you off next week anytime!?” Etc by changing the narrative.
In June we discovered she was pregnant, big surprise but we discussed things with me preferring a termination but also telling her if she wanted to continue then I would standby her and try and make things work.
I made it clear that in my view our relationship was rocky and that she should think long and hard that potentially she could be on her own in the future, and if she would be happy with that.
my family are all worried she has baby trapped me but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but she’s not helping herself being so distant from me. I really like her and am keen to make things work but all the effort is very one sided.
I’m a high earner with assets, she’s rents a room in her mates flat.
not really sure what to do? 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:13

Also I have been to the flat a few times and stayed over twice (when the son was at dads). Flatmate seems nice and chatty but don’t really know her.

OP posts:
sentinent · 19/07/2023 22:14

She's hoping for a Sugardaddy set up.

sentinent · 19/07/2023 22:17

Most women are not fertile on day after period finishes. Ovulation usually happens a week after period finishes.

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/07/2023 22:18

I don't understand why with all these red flags, you lend her your £40k car and have unprotected sex with her? You sound like a mark. She's using you for something. She certainly doesn't sound like serious relationship material. But then I guess you've been using her for sex so it makes you as bad as each other.

catsnhats11 · 19/07/2023 22:18

The lie about the doctors could be a good sign actually, that she's lying about the baby (if that's why she was supposedly there). In fact there are so many lies I wouldn't believe a word of it, get your car back and walk away.

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 22:19

we had unprotected sex once the day after her period

Why would you?? What a muppet.

But there's a low chance of conceiving the day after her period has ended...

curtaintwitcher23 · 19/07/2023 22:20

Have you seen evidence she is actually pregnant?

Gettingbysomehow · 19/07/2023 22:21

She hasn't baby trapped you, you have been incredibly careless by not taking responsibility for your own contraception.

StrawberryRainbows · 19/07/2023 22:23

Highly unlikely she would fall pregnant a day after her period, but not impossible.

Did she show you any proof?

Original poster
lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:26

She’s definitely pregnant we went to a scan last week. Dates are weird though. Date we had sex was 27th (she finished on the 26th) scan dates put baby at 14th. Apparently it’s the first day of your last period I did say that’s odd you had like a 13 day period then! She just said they must be wrong etc and reading up a bit it can be out by quite a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:28

We did go for a termination at 9 weeks and 6 days, she left it to the last min, (10 weeks for medical) then she “changes her mind”.

shes 14 weeks now

OP posts:
Ilikejamtarts · 19/07/2023 22:29

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:11

Yes I added her to insurance the day she borrowed it. ( it’s a £40k car). Her’s is smaller and runs fine she left it with me for a week and I drove it twice then left it at hers as it’s a not my cup of tea!

I plan on confronting her this weekend when I’m home from a business trip. She told me she’s working Monday but I know for sure she’s off. I questioned her twice on it and again she changed the subject.

also I can track my car via an app and once asked her where she was and she said at the doctors I knew the car was at her flat so I asked if she was alone and she said yes. I asked if she took my car and she said no so I asked how she got there and she finally said her friend had taken her. (Another lie then? Not on her own at all). She then backtracked saying her friend had dropped her off and gone for a coffee or whatever. So weird.

So her own car works perfectly fine yet she has yours and has kept it longer than intended? Sounds like she may be using your for money/status/image. She likes the idea of being seen driving round in a brand new expensive car. There's no other reason really for her wanting your car. At least you know she is defiently insured, but you really do need to get it back. Bullshit and say you've got to do a long distance drive for work or something and do not give it her again.

Wait til her work start time has passed on Monday, message her and get her to drop in convo that she is at work. check the tracker app, once you know she is actually sat on her arse at home I'd go round there unannounced and confront her. I'd also take a preganncy test tbh. Make it clear to her that the car comes with a tracker app so you know about the times she has lied, you'd like your car back and given her now proven track history of lying you would like her to do your pregnancy test for you while you wait. You need confirmation she is defo pregnant. She is fully taking you for a ride though by the sounds of out. I think you've been soft with her and she has realised she can take take take without actually given anything back to you or the relationship

Ilikejamtarts · 19/07/2023 22:30

Just saw your update... ignore the pregnancy test part 😅

CandyLeBonBon · 19/07/2023 22:31

I'm confused op. She has a small child and works a lot, but lives in a house share? You say she didn't invite you back to hers, which is understandable if she's got a young child, but you made the decision to have unprotected sex, and you also didn't remember lending her your car? It all seems a bit odd.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/07/2023 22:32

Oh dude.

How old is your daughter? Have you met her son?

Malarandras · 19/07/2023 22:39

Have you been taken for a ride? Hard to say, though it seems possible. Is it your fault for not using protection? Yes.

Greenfree · 19/07/2023 22:39

I may have misunderstood but by those dates it sounds like she was already pregnant when she had sex with you? I would still get a DNA test.

AnSolas · 19/07/2023 22:40

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 21:04

Ive been dating a girl since late December. It’s been a very slow burn, she works a lot and has a small child. Basically first three months we saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. Took two months to sleep together (fine by me no rush there) we talked about what she wanted, stable relationship maybe kids in future etc.
she’s always been very distant and guarded she rarely texts me unless I start a convo 1st.
she dodges questions all the time, “ what have been up to today?” Are you off next week anytime!?” Etc by changing the narrative.
In June we discovered she was pregnant, big surprise but we discussed things with me preferring a termination but also telling her if she wanted to continue then I would standby her and try and make things work.
I made it clear that in my view our relationship was rocky and that she should think long and hard that potentially she could be on her own in the future, and if she would be happy with that.
my family are all worried she has baby trapped me but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but she’s not helping herself being so distant from me. I really like her and am keen to make things work but all the effort is very one sided.
I’m a high earner with assets, she’s rents a room in her mates flat.
not really sure what to do? 😞

This is reading as you an adult, with a grown daughter, babytrapped her.

clpsmum · 19/07/2023 22:40

ZekeZeke · 19/07/2023 21:08

Don't have unprotected sex!

This

She hasn't trapped you ffs

StrawberryRainbows · 19/07/2023 22:42

Sorry but where does it read that he has baby trapped HER? Seriously? He gave her options. If she didn't want the baby, she had a choice to terminate. Where is he trapping her?

Original poster
lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:43

clpsmum · 19/07/2023 22:40

This

She hasn't trapped you ffs

Show quote history

Yes I’ve got that message loud and clear thanks!

OP posts:
JoanneV · 19/07/2023 22:59

She could have already known she was pregnant by the time you slept with her. Timeline sounds improbable that its yours. I would get your car back, break it off and get a DNA test at the soonest possible time. Could also do some more digging to find out what's really going on and why she's distant/lying.

SnackQueen · 19/07/2023 23:11

You might a "high earner with assets" but you're also a total dumbass who is being taken for a ride straight to the cleaners by a gold digging manipulative con artist.

Liquidate all of your assets and send the money to me immediately because your instincts are all wrong and I'm very busy and important.

FrenchieF · 19/07/2023 23:26

im sure there is two sides to this story.
you had unprotected sex so there is a good chance it’s your baby and she’s not deliberately trapped you.
just support her as much as you can through pregnancy, together or not and be prepared to support a child regardless if you start together.
if you can still civil and friends it’ll be so much easier.

Dotcheck · 19/07/2023 23:39

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 21:24

Was a bit weird really she wouldn’t let me back to her house at all. Then early June (6 months dating) she moved out into this flat with her mate.
whats odd is it is clearly a two bed place. First time I went there she pointed at a door and said that’s her sons room. I asked to see.and she said “oh I’m sure he would want to show you himself”, I was sure it was a cupboard. I even joked about it and she redirected, a month later I opened it and it was!
I said to her what’s this then and she laughed it off saying he sleeps int he other room (which is her flat mates). “Oh no it’s two rooms”, this is clearly a lie.
im guessing she doesn’t want to admit to me he sleeps in her bed (he’s 4).

Show quote history

Or she’s living there with a partner and the second room is her child’s