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Original poster

Have been taken for a ride here?

119 replies

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 21:04

Ive been dating a girl since late December. It’s been a very slow burn, she works a lot and has a small child. Basically first three months we saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. Took two months to sleep together (fine by me no rush there) we talked about what she wanted, stable relationship maybe kids in future etc.
she’s always been very distant and guarded she rarely texts me unless I start a convo 1st.
she dodges questions all the time, “ what have been up to today?” Are you off next week anytime!?” Etc by changing the narrative.
In June we discovered she was pregnant, big surprise but we discussed things with me preferring a termination but also telling her if she wanted to continue then I would standby her and try and make things work.
I made it clear that in my view our relationship was rocky and that she should think long and hard that potentially she could be on her own in the future, and if she would be happy with that.
my family are all worried she has baby trapped me but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but she’s not helping herself being so distant from me. I really like her and am keen to make things work but all the effort is very one sided.
I’m a high earner with assets, she’s rents a room in her mates flat.
not really sure what to do? 😞

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 19/07/2023 23:40

Mate, you need a DNA test. And also to wake up a bit. Get your car back. Stop being such a walkover. Nothing about this adds up.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/07/2023 23:50

Get your damn car back and then take a big step backwards. If you're giving her money to help out because she's 'short this month', buying her expensive gifts, or paying for things other than normal 'dating' stuff, stop. I don't know whether she's a gold digger, a liar, unlucky, or just dumb. Or all of the above. But you know very well that her 'stories' don't add up. Questioning her and checking up on her isn't going to get you very far, she's managed to dodge your questions so far and you've been far too accepting of her answers.

So again, take a step back if you aren't willing to break off the relationship entirely. Remember that you can be a good father without being 'with' the child's mother. And yes, when the time comes get a DNA test.

NotBotheredAnymore · 19/07/2023 23:58

Yes I added her to insurance the day she borrowed it. ( it’s a £40k car). Her’s is smaller and runs fine she left it with me for a week

Just why??? Nothing you are posting is making sense tbh.

You have zero communication, she lies/changes subject but you continue seeing her. She has a car but you give her yours. If you have an adult daughter you are old enough to know how contraception works.

I would run a mile in your shoes. If the DNA test proves the baby is yours then send the CM and consider it an expensive lesson. You can't have a decent relationship with a liar, you can't co parent with a liar. All you can do is walk away or go to court for full custody and pray she walks away.

She saw you coming a mile away.

TheSilentSister · 20/07/2023 00:04

None of it adds up, including you being a gullible participant of all this. You seem to be just going along with it all, why? Get your car back, take a step back and wait........... Surely you're not that desperate to be strung along with lies.

Original poster
lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 00:08

Thank-you all for your advice. I do feel a bit stupid but last year was difficult for me and my mental health is not the best right now.

I think I’m just hoping for things to get better in my life and am probably a bit blind to what happening in front of me.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 20/07/2023 00:10

The whole set up is odd. Could it be that the flatmate is actually her girlfriend.....and you're the sperm donor?

Babamamananarama · 20/07/2023 00:19

Re the dates, is it possible she lied about having her period (because she didn't want to have sex with you) so when you had sex on the 27th she was actually half way through her cycle and therefore extremely fertile?

bpirockin · 20/07/2023 00:35

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, and clearly fell for the wrong person. You deserve better and only once you believe that will you be able to build the relationship you deserve. As far as this one goes, with so many lies, it's hard to believe she's anything other than a user, or to know if you're the father without a DNA test. In future, respect yourself, protect yourself, and don't have unprotected sex with someone you clearly can't trust. You have a lot to offer, put your time, effort and emotion to someone more deserving.

Hardly123 · 20/07/2023 00:44

Dotcheck · 19/07/2023 23:39

Or she’s living there with a partner and the second room is her child’s

Show quote history

Possibly she doesn't have much money and is just embarrassed she can't afford a bigger place with more bedrooms? Also women's periods and fertility do vary a lot.

I have been with a guy with way more money than me and some of his responses to my tiny flat did make me uncomfortable and I delayed showing him stuff etc and was evasive as I thought I'd be judged.

LadyLolaRuben · 20/07/2023 00:48

You sound a nice guy.

If she wanted to trap you she'd have slept with you sooner and got pregnant earlier.

Bramblehedge · 20/07/2023 01:05

How old are you both? Is she a lot younger?

LadyJ2023 · 20/07/2023 01:11

Wow can't look more likely she's pregnant by someone else nothing adds up at all but hey your allowing all this to happen so she's enjoying life

Hawkins0001 · 20/07/2023 01:17

She's playing you like a fool,

AcrossthePond55 · 20/07/2023 01:32

lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 00:08

Thank-you all for your advice. I do feel a bit stupid but last year was difficult for me and my mental health is not the best right now.

I think I’m just hoping for things to get better in my life and am probably a bit blind to what happening in front of me.

I'm sorry you had a rough year. I know bad times can leave their mark.

I suggest you find a good counselor and work through whatever happened last year. Also to work on your confidence and your ability to keep boundaries and detect red flags. You deserve a happy life and a partner in whom you have 100% confidence.

Good luck to you.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 20/07/2023 01:46

Get your car back and end the “relationship”. Ask for a DNA test so she knows you are not going to take her at her word.

Poppyblush · 20/07/2023 05:50

make it clear she’s not moving in with you. Get the car back and say you’ll want a dna test. You could be taken for a ride.

BluNomad · 20/07/2023 05:57

Aside from the pregnancy she’s a user; you should have used protection as now you are saddled with this leach for the next 2 decades.

chocobaby · 20/07/2023 06:37

This has been a red flag 🚩 circus from the off and you stuck with it. There are other people to date OP. She is clearly hiding something from you. Also 18 months apart from her son’s dad isn’t enough time for her to enter into another relationship- at the scale you’re wanting.
I would let her get on with the termination and put a stop to things! She lies, is avoidant and there are lots of smokes and daggers. Do not have a child with this woman.

GiddyGladys · 20/07/2023 07:10

I couldn't be with a liar in any circumstance. She sounds pretty nuts.

RachelTopliss · 20/07/2023 07:16

🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻
You're being played like a fiddle

RantyAnty · 20/07/2023 07:37

Good grief. Go get your car and schedule yourself a vasectomy.

You're too old to be this thick.

Aprilx · 20/07/2023 08:19

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 22:11

Yes I added her to insurance the day she borrowed it. ( it’s a £40k car). Her’s is smaller and runs fine she left it with me for a week and I drove it twice then left it at hers as it’s a not my cup of tea!

I plan on confronting her this weekend when I’m home from a business trip. She told me she’s working Monday but I know for sure she’s off. I questioned her twice on it and again she changed the subject.

also I can track my car via an app and once asked her where she was and she said at the doctors I knew the car was at her flat so I asked if she was alone and she said yes. I asked if she took my car and she said no so I asked how she got there and she finally said her friend had taken her. (Another lie then? Not on her own at all). She then backtracked saying her friend had dropped her off and gone for a coffee or whatever. So weird.

She sounds odd and you need to get your car back. But why are you quizzing her like this?

chocobaby · 20/07/2023 10:14

RantyAnty · 20/07/2023 07:37

Good grief. Go get your car and schedule yourself a vasectomy.

You're too old to be this thick.

How old is the OP? Tbh I also wondered how anyone can let themselves be used to this extent!

Original poster
lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 12:01

im 45 so a bit older, not sure if that’s relevant but a few have asked.

I feel bad leaving her now due to the pregnancy. Im not the sort to cut and run. Obviously I would support any child moving forward and as I’ve been told by people here and family I don’t have to be with her to do that.

i doubt she will terminate now as it’s so late. It’s also against my views.

OP posts:
AnSolas · 20/07/2023 12:47

lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 12:01

im 45 so a bit older, not sure if that’s relevant but a few have asked.

I feel bad leaving her now due to the pregnancy. Im not the sort to cut and run. Obviously I would support any child moving forward and as I’ve been told by people here and family I don’t have to be with her to do that.

i doubt she will terminate now as it’s so late. It’s also against my views.

we discussed things with me preferring a termination

Hummmm... from pro-abortion to anti-abortion?

What's the weather like in Damascus today?