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Original poster

Have been taken for a ride here?

119 replies

lostsoul88 · 19/07/2023 21:04

Ive been dating a girl since late December. It’s been a very slow burn, she works a lot and has a small child. Basically first three months we saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. Took two months to sleep together (fine by me no rush there) we talked about what she wanted, stable relationship maybe kids in future etc.
she’s always been very distant and guarded she rarely texts me unless I start a convo 1st.
she dodges questions all the time, “ what have been up to today?” Are you off next week anytime!?” Etc by changing the narrative.
In June we discovered she was pregnant, big surprise but we discussed things with me preferring a termination but also telling her if she wanted to continue then I would standby her and try and make things work.
I made it clear that in my view our relationship was rocky and that she should think long and hard that potentially she could be on her own in the future, and if she would be happy with that.
my family are all worried she has baby trapped me but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but she’s not helping herself being so distant from me. I really like her and am keen to make things work but all the effort is very one sided.
I’m a high earner with assets, she’s rents a room in her mates flat.
not really sure what to do? 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 12:52

As In 14 weeks!

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/07/2023 13:11

I think you should get a DNA test.

OooohAhhhh · 20/07/2023 13:49

I'm a bit miffed that she is saying she conceived the day after her period finished. It's not impossible, but I agree with other pp's, it's unlikely.
A woman needs to be ovulating to be fertile, not once have I ever been in my fertile window one day after my period, it's always around 1-2 weeks after.
I'm doubting that this baby is even yours to be honest.

HundredMilesAnHour · 20/07/2023 14:03

OooohAhhhh · 20/07/2023 13:49

I'm a bit miffed that she is saying she conceived the day after her period finished. It's not impossible, but I agree with other pp's, it's unlikely.
A woman needs to be ovulating to be fertile, not once have I ever been in my fertile window one day after my period, it's always around 1-2 weeks after.
I'm doubting that this baby is even yours to be honest.

I'm wondering / suspecting that she already knew she was pregnant (assuming she really is) and that's why she was suddenly fine with unprotected sex with the OP. She gets a wealthy baby daddy who she knows will pay for everything. This whole situation smells bad.

Original poster
lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 14:06

I’m pretty sure she was on her period as we went away on the 24th April. She took her “special bag” into the toilet several times. Then we had sex on the 27th.
I was from the 5-20th may. she texted me on the 13th with a positive test message. She told me the other day she suspected a few days after the 27th and I told her why didn’t she take the morning after pill then. No real answer.
well it’s happened now so I’ll deal with it my main worry is what to do about continuing to see her as I do really like her and now I’m concerned for the baby.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 20/07/2023 14:14

I don't understand how you can have feelings for someone who lies to you, who is evasive and who clearly is not open or trustworthy. Your self-esteem must be on the floor. I really think you should talk to a therapist and get some support with boundaries.

Mamoun · 20/07/2023 14:22

I don't think she would know that she's pregnant on the 13th May if you had unprotected sex on 27 April and her period is around the 24/25th.
You can start taking a test at the earlier a few days before your period is due - like 4 days but that's still very early.

Mamoun · 20/07/2023 14:23

This baby was conceived around 5/8 April, 10 days after her March period.

catsnhats11 · 20/07/2023 14:33

You really like her... despite virtually stealing your car, lying about where she is and her living arrangements, evasive conversations, and ex that wont let go (does he know about the baby?)... what on earth do you see in her or do you have low esteem? Seriously she must have a hidden side of gold because everything you have said screams run for the hills. Not sure what answers you're looking for here tbh, if you really like her crack on...

catsnhats11 · 20/07/2023 14:34

Mamoun · 20/07/2023 14:23

This baby was conceived around 5/8 April, 10 days after her March period.

Or before, and she lied about having her period, taking her "special bag" to the toilet means nothing and she's shown herself to be a liar already. Id bet money the dr's dates are the correct ones, not the date she claims.

OooohAhhhh · 20/07/2023 14:46

Hard to know without exact period dates, which you probably aren't going to know.
It normally takes around 2 weeks after conceiving for a pregnancy test to show as positive, as it takes that long for the HGC (pregnancy hormone) to show up. It's called the two week wait.
So, from having sex on the 27th April, to when she messaged you on the 13th that is enough time for the pregnancy test to show up as positive.
But you said you think she was on her period the day before the 27th. It's that what baffles me, conceiving 1 day after a period has finished. Because to be fertile the body needs to have produced another egg which takes time, and she had just got rid of an unfertilised egg because she had her period. (Sorry, I'm no biologist etc 😆 but I think you need to understand how female anatomy works). But I guess it is possible, as sperm can stay alive for 5 days or something.
Did you ever see any evidence of her being on her period? But then again I'm thinking why would she lie about being on her period, unless she didn't want to have sex or something.
I'd request a DNA test once baby is here.

OooohAhhhh · 20/07/2023 14:52

Or maybe she did lie about being on her period, to make you think that the baby must be yours?
I don't know.

OooohAhhhh · 20/07/2023 15:08

Just seen the scan puts it at 14th April, so the baby can't have been conceived after her period. Yes scan dates are sometimes a little out, but I'd go by the scan date, rather than her saying they must have got it wrong.
Definitely get a DNA test. I think she is having you on yes.

GiddyGladys · 20/07/2023 15:26

I have never ever known a woman to have a special bag.

I think she's a very strange one.

Wherearemymarbles · 20/07/2023 15:45

I honestly dont think either of you a right in head.

but seriously, she didn’t see you coming, she sent you an email!!

tell her your getting a dna test when the baby is born. Lets see what she does then. Lets face it most men a completely fucking clueless about women's bodies and if she said she got pregnant 3 weeks after you last had sex you’d still probably think there ad a good chance it was yours!

doitwithlove · 20/07/2023 15:47

You may really like her but what are you going to do regards the red flags that people are pointing out..... liars do not usually change!

wordler · 20/07/2023 15:53

Get your car back now

Get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born

Don’t give her any significant gifts of cash until you see the results of the DNA test.

SoupDragon · 20/07/2023 16:08

so many lies!

You absolutely need a DNA test as the dates all seem odd.

Get your car back.

There aren't just red flags, it's an entire set of bunting.

momtoboys · 20/07/2023 16:17

She is taking the piss and you are definitely being taken for a ride. DNA test immediately.

StrawberryRainbows · 20/07/2023 16:17

SoupDragon · 20/07/2023 16:08

so many lies!

You absolutely need a DNA test as the dates all seem odd.

Get your car back.

There aren't just red flags, it's an entire set of bunting.

😂😂😂😂 Definitely agree on the Bunting

momtoboys · 20/07/2023 16:19

Or, DNA test ASAP. Can you do a test on a babe in utero?

AcrossthePond55 · 20/07/2023 16:26

@Captain1

my main worry is what to do about continuing to see her as I do really like her and now I’m concerned for the baby.

Your concern for the baby should be based on whether or not the baby is actually yours, and you won't know that until a DNA test is performed. I'm in the US and there are non-invasive pre-natal DNA tests available here, I'd assume the same for the UK. It's up to you whether or not you want to actually pay for one right now, my understanding is they can be pricy but it would settle at least one of your questions. Frankly, if I were you and if I were in the financial position I'd consider it money well spent. And if she refuses to have the DNA test, which is a simple blood draw, you'll have your answer right there.

As far as wanting to continue to see her, exactly why do you want to? You have (valid) doubts about her honesty and trust is the very foundation of ALL successful relationships. Is it because you are lonely? Is it basically sex-driven? Are you a 'rescuer' and she a 'damsel in distress'?

As I suggested above, you need to seek counseling to resolve the things that are making you vulnerable and unwilling to accept that, to say the least, this woman's feelings for you are NOT the same as your feelings for her.

Tannedandfake · 20/07/2023 16:27

SoupDragon · 20/07/2023 16:08

so many lies!

You absolutely need a DNA test as the dates all seem odd.

Get your car back.

There aren't just red flags, it's an entire set of bunting.

This and an STD test!

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 20/07/2023 16:41

Lets hope the baby isnt yours! So many red flags. Why didnt you use a condom?!!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/07/2023 16:42

lostsoul88 · 20/07/2023 14:06

I’m pretty sure she was on her period as we went away on the 24th April. She took her “special bag” into the toilet several times. Then we had sex on the 27th.
I was from the 5-20th may. she texted me on the 13th with a positive test message. She told me the other day she suspected a few days after the 27th and I told her why didn’t she take the morning after pill then. No real answer.
well it’s happened now so I’ll deal with it my main worry is what to do about continuing to see her as I do really like her and now I’m concerned for the baby.

The 13th was at least a week before her next period was due - i.e far too early for a positive response (even with a First Response).

You're not the dad.

Get your car back. Block her. Move on.

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