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Original poster

Partner moving in - money query

119 replies

cossette · 13/07/2023 11:43

Partner and I are mid/late 50s and thinking about living together. I work full-time and he has his own very successful business. Partner rents with rent at £700 a month but has £100k in savings (is 60 this year so no chance of a mortgage). I own my house (£210k) outright. If he moved into my house he would immediately be £700 better off and we would split bills etc - but I wouldn't be massively better off like he would be. What would be a fair way to do this - I don't really want to ask him for rent!

OP posts:
Imogensmumma · 13/07/2023 11:45

Please see a lawyer and ensure your property is safe before he moves in.

Original poster
cossette · 13/07/2023 11:47

We have discussed seeing a solicitor to have everything sorted before he moves in. He is childless and I have 2 children in their early 20s and I have been very clear that he will have no claim on the house and that will be set in stone legally. He completely agrees with this.

OP posts:
DamaskRosie · 13/07/2023 11:51

Honestly, I'd just split bills. He's saving money on rent but that's just how it goes. If you don't want him to own a share of the house and you don't want to charge him rent, what else is there?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 13/07/2023 11:53

DamaskRosie · 13/07/2023 11:51

Honestly, I'd just split bills. He's saving money on rent but that's just how it goes. If you don't want him to own a share of the house and you don't want to charge him rent, what else is there?

This.

BranchGold · 13/07/2023 11:55

He’d basically be a lodger in your home with very few rights. I think splitting bills is fair. Does he have children? hopefully you’ll both benefit as a couple by having additional funds for things like treats, days out, holidays etc.

I don’t think you need to ‘profit’ from him moving in. Your outgoings will be halved, and you’ll hopefully be happy in a committed, stable relationship.

PinkIcedCream · 13/07/2023 11:59

As with any adult relationship, you both need to feel comfortable discussing money in detail BEFORE he moves in.

Start by working out a budget for all your outgoings and include things like holidays, meals out, entertainment etc.

Work out what each of you can afford to contribute based on percentage of income. I think this is fairer than a 50/50 split and if you suggest it, his reaction will tell you whether he's really in love with you or just wants a cushy home with his washing done and meals cooked but doesn't view you as his equal partner.

If you're unable to discuss money issues or feel he's unwilling to compromise, don't move in together.

I'm in my late 50's and met my DH later in life so we both brought experience and baggage to the relationship. DH had more assets as he lived in a more expensive part of the country and his properties had shot up in value whereas mine had only risen slightly.
We both sold our houses and bought together and own it jointly 100%.

GrumpyPanda · 13/07/2023 11:59

Fair would be splitting the financial advantage. Presumably you'll incur extra costs as well?

keepmovingon · 13/07/2023 12:00

Ask him to split the bills and do the day to day food shopping for you both that seems fair. Any special meals for you or your kids then you pay.

userxx · 13/07/2023 12:01

I'd take some sort of rent off him for when the house needs to be redecorated and when the washing machine needs to be replaced etc. Resentment could kick in knowing he's £700 per month better off. Why does he not own a property?

mindutopia · 13/07/2023 12:05

I think you just split your day to day living expenses and bill proportionately to your income, so you are each paying a fair share.

When dh and I moved in together, he moved from a room in a student flat (where he paid a very small rent)/his childhood home and I moved from living in a £1000 a month flat on my own. In theory, I was better off financially than before as cheaper rent and we were splitting it, plus other shared expenses. But it wasn't my fault I was living in a really expensive area due to work and had to pay out the bum for an expensive flat. We just split our actual expenses.

You have a home that you own outright, which ultimately means you are financially more secure than he is - he could be injured tomorrow and lose his work and be without the security of a home. Just make sure that what you both contribute to your household funds are equitable given your incomes.

Unclecornelius · 13/07/2023 12:10

You could split utility bills but make your dp financially responsible for the weekly shop too.
That way you save on food bills and it will cost him about half his rent depending on what you normally spend.

myNewName21 · 13/07/2023 12:13

BranchGold · 13/07/2023 11:55

He’d basically be a lodger in your home with very few rights. I think splitting bills is fair. Does he have children? hopefully you’ll both benefit as a couple by having additional funds for things like treats, days out, holidays etc.

I don’t think you need to ‘profit’ from him moving in. Your outgoings will be halved, and you’ll hopefully be happy in a committed, stable relationship.

This ^^

Digimoor · 13/07/2023 12:14

"he has his own very successful business" yet hasn't managed to buy a place to live?

catsnhats11 · 13/07/2023 12:16

userxx · 13/07/2023 12:01

I'd take some sort of rent off him for when the house needs to be redecorated and when the washing machine needs to be replaced etc. Resentment could kick in knowing he's £700 per month better off. Why does he not own a property?

Don't do this, it could mean he will be entitled to a share in the house if you split. Bills and groceries only - don't take "rent" or any money towards home improvements.

escapingthecity · 13/07/2023 12:18

Won't you benefit from having someone to share bills with? I suggest you set up a joint bank account to cover those and he puts in some to contribute to maintenance as well

Pkhsvd · 13/07/2023 12:19

I’d just split bills as you’ll still be better off. I wouldn’t ask him to pay towards maintenance etc as I think that then becomes complicated if you split up. If he’s decent he can offer to pay for more meals out or trips away.

BoohooWoohoo · 13/07/2023 12:22

Asking him for rent or a contribution towards home maintenance and improvements is not a good idea as he will start to accumulate an interest in the house.

Obviously split bills like utilities and food but have you considered him paying for holidays or contributing more to joint savings ?

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:24

I'm always flabbergasted at these threads, with all the posters who think the guy should live there rent-free, saving himself a fortune.

What about splitting his rent into three: one part he gets to keep. One part you get to keep. One part you have saved for maintenance and replacements?

Or maybe you could go to live with him, rent-free, and rent your place out and keep the money to yourself? It's the same thing.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/07/2023 12:26

You don’t have to split bills 50-50. Why not do it with him paying a larger proportion?

Acornsoup · 13/07/2023 12:28

Do you really want him to move in? Do you think he is seeing the opportunity? What do you get out of this? You will loose your privacy. Your DC will loose there's. Then the is the 'interest' he will build in the house if he contributes to any work on it, decorating or anything else. Of course he's being 'reasonable' now but please get it legalised before you even consider this. You could be throwing away your DC inheritance.

userxx · 13/07/2023 12:31

BoohooWoohoo · 13/07/2023 12:22

Asking him for rent or a contribution towards home maintenance and improvements is not a good idea as he will start to accumulate an interest in the house.

Obviously split bills like utilities and food but have you considered him paying for holidays or contributing more to joint savings ?

Surely that doesn’t include everyday maintenance, I can understand if the OP’s boyfriend put x amount in for an extension.

I charge my boyfriend rent, there’s a small mortgage on the property and once its paid off I’ll still charge him rent! Not my fault money burns a hole in his pocket and he’s spent it on shite over the years instead of a property. He's still much better off than renting elsewhere.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 13/07/2023 12:32

When my brother’s (then) girlfriend moved in with him she paid rent of half of what she was paying before for her shared house. So they were each the same amount better off. It was called “rent” in the direct debit and they got a solicitor to draw up an agreement that she didn’t own any part of the flat. It was also confirmed that all flat maintenance was my brother’s responsibility.

RandomMess · 13/07/2023 12:37

After living together a while he could buy a share of your property say 60:40 to you. You bank the money and then split house costs 60:40.

Keep the money in case you need to it him out.

honeylulu · 13/07/2023 12:45

I think it would be fair for him to make a contribution of 350 (plus a split of bills except those solely related to house itself ie buildings insurance). The logic for the 350 is that he is saving 700 by moving in so he's splitting that "gain" with you. So he's 350 better off and you are 350 better off. I can't see how he could say that was unfair. But yes get a cohab drawn up to protect your house!

Silvered · 13/07/2023 12:49

You need a cohabitation agreement drawn up by a solicitor. He should be paying rent - even if it's just a nominal amount. Otherwise what happens when the washing machine breaks or the boiler goes on the blink - are you going to be solely responsible for paying for all of those repairs?