Partner moving in - money query

[cossette]

Partner and I are mid/late 50s and thinking about living together. I work full-time and he has his own very successful business. Partner rents with rent at £700 a month but has £100k in savings (is 60 this year so no chance of a mortgage). I own my house (£210k) outright. If he moved into my house he would immediately be £700 better off and we would split bills etc - but I wouldn't be massively better off like he would be. What would be a fair way to do this - I don't really want to ask him for rent!

That's why I put "lodger" in "" 🙄

I think it is totally reasonable to expect him to contribute towards the accommodation side as well as the bills & food side.

£350pm sounds more than reasonable for this.

Does he really have 100k or is it in his business? If he lost his company 14 years ago he has had plenty of time to re-establish himself (from experience). When you buy with him everything you own will become his in the event of your death unless you write a will that states otherwise (but this would also leave your kids part owners of a house they may not want to live in - especially if he gets another partner). Just look after your kids op. I have servers friends that have received nothing from a parents and partners (through living wills and blood line trusts). FWIW why not just wait until you get the joint place? Why the rush?

I wouldn't do it personally, it's too high risk.
Once a man moves in it can be very difficult to get them out.
Nothing more important than your own home and keeping it your own.
What's his history, has he owned a house before, or just moved in with women who have houses?

Check out rentals in your area and charge him half. And half of the bills obviously.. If this is a man you are happy to see you naked you can talk £££ with.

This

Red flags OP

If he were to be made bankrupt again - woukd your house be at risk if it is seen as his home ?

So many wise posts.

Is his home clean and tidy?
He will bring his standards with him.

Half of bills and the total food bill would be fair.

I bet your food bill wouldn't be high for only yourself.

I would proceed with huge care maybe a six month trial.

I also think there is an excellent suggestion that you rent somewhere new together and you let out yours short term and see how that goes down.

Too many women make huge mistakes moving an older man in who would love to be looked after.

Do you really want that?

No not if OP remains as sole owner

If your partner moves in with you and only contributes to half the bills, his amount of disposable income will increase much more than yours as a result of living rent free in YOUR property (whereas, as you say, you won't benefit anywhere near as much as him).

Everyone should expect to pay for their accommodation as well as the bills.

If you split up in a few years' time, how would you feel about how the finances had been split (and how much he'd benefitted compared to you)?

I'm in a similar position to you. If my partner moved in with me and we just 'split the bills', he'd be gaining massively financially from my 25 years of working hard to pay off a mortgage (in a time that we weren't even together).

You should split the 'benefit' so maybe charge him rent (£350) until you're both contributing to a joint property.

Carefully check the laws around your future living arrangements and the circumstances in which he could make some sort of claim on your property.

Protecting your assets isn't a very romantic topic but if your relationship doesn't work out it WILL all boil down to money and practicalities.

When you say you have discussed him moving in, whose idea was it initially? Can you both not continue to maintain separate households?

If you really want to live with him but don't want him to have a claim on your house then you either charge him rent or ask him to pay a bigger share of the bills. Do your children still live at home? If you are splitting the bills 50/50 including groceries then arguably he is paying for your AC as well as you and your advantage is splitting the bills. He may not have to pay rent but he will be paying more presumably bills wise for a family house rather than flat.

Sounds a good deal for him with secure home for retirement and reduced outgoings but not so much for you.

Well given its solely in the OPs name the only way it could possibly be put at risk is if she starts signing loans and getting into debt on his behalf. No need to scaremonger.

Honestly, You would be absolutely crazy to even consider this.

You are in a great position in your life. Your own home, 2 Grown DC, yet you want to complicate your life by moving in your partner or worse selling your own home and purchasing a new one with him.

Have you never read all the experiences from other woman on this board, losing it all, once the partner moves in and everything changes. Next he'll be pushing for marriage and you throw away your DC inheritance.

What happens if he moves in and 5-10 years he gets ill. He'll be well and truly fixed in your home and you'll be looking after him.
Or in the awful event you pass away first. Where will he live? he won't have any home to go to.

Your problem is - you are fixed in the now - Lovely guy, great times together, great income. Why the need to live together?

Think long and hard before you make this change to your life. The only person benefiting from all of this is him.

If he moves in, your council tax will automatically go up by 25% (assuming you're receiving single person discount at the moment).

Your electric, gas and water bills (if you're on a meter) will also increase.

Say you're currently paying £200 per month on bills and he plans to pay half of that £100. But actually, by moving in, your bills increase to £300 per month and he's paying £100, and you end up still paying £200 per month; what's the point?

There's £700 per month rent, plus bills that he's currently paying; say £900 total. He should be paying you a minimum of £450 per month plus food and other costs, otherwise he's taking you for a ride.

Essentially if your relationship isn't good enough to speak openly and honestly about this, it's not a good enough relationship to live together.

I'd pay half each on Council tax, if you lived alone before that will go up for you if he moves in, gas, electricity, water, and TV licence. But you keep paying house insurance and any services on house so maintenance and repairs eg. having drive cleaned, window cleaner and replacement of appliances. He should pay for all the food and for eating out in restaurants. Split cost of holidays.

These threads annoy me so much. A woman, with hard earned financial stability is told that she must not dream of expecting a man who moves in with her to pay ANYTHING.

In a healthy, loving relationship the financial benefits of living together are shared. So of course you don't have to charge him market rent. But you should also be benefiting financially.

Go see a solicitor to check on the rules re rent/cohabiting to ensure that he IS paying rent and is NOT gaining some interest in your house.

Honestly, I'd be pretty worried about a guy at nearly 60 who hasn't invested into property.

He could be very fair with lots of integrity. People are not ALL bad. However there are some men who think ahead, and plan to shack up in a set up that is advantageous to them.

Watch out for the man who sees a "nurse with a purse", particularly when they have reached a certain age.

Could he pay £350 a month towards household expenses on top of bills so you're both £350 a month better off rather than him £700 and you nothing? It could go into a savings account to cover unexpected costs, or one off costs longer home insurance, tv licence or be used towards a cleaner you'll both benefit from

My discussion with my partner about moving in is along the lines of what @GerbilsForever24 says. We both want to benefit financially from him moving in - him by paying less than he currently does and me by getting more help wtih the costs of living (which isn't immediately swallowed up by a hike in my bills as a result of him moving in). We have had this discussion and the principles are agreed. We just need work out what the figure is now.

For me we are doing it on a trial basis as he is renting his flat out - this is for both of our benefits. He is moving in to a house with children and which is substantially more messy and chaotic than his living arrangements. He may really hate it!

I'd also be looking for a contribution to the running of the house. I don't want a lodger, I want someone who is going to share my load (well cook for me really). I don't want to have to look after anyone else.

I can absolutely see why he would want this, but I see zero in it for you.

You are blessed with a lovely home that remains the exact way you left it.

Not to be sniffed at.

I have several friends that enjoy "together but apart" livibg arrangements and wouldn't dream of taking in on the living habits of a man in their 50's.

They love the autonomy of their own home.

I would be enormously suspicious of a man with no property moving into to a fully paid up home.

All the joys, none of the responsibility for wear and tear, repairs, maintenance.

Astounding that any woman would be so naive to consider a rent free arrangement.

Truly extraordinary in fact🤷🏻‍♀️.

I have thought about this more since posting yesterday and while I do agree that it makes sense that he shouldn't live rent free, my main concern as OP would be protecting my house against any claims from him.

In OP's case, if she is not paying a mortgage then he cannot claim that he is paying towards a mortgage, so potentially it could be easier to fight off a claim. OP should take legal advice on this really.

I know of somebody who bought a house in her name as her DP couldn't get a mortgage, and she was advised to charge him rent and keep a rent book and everything so that he could not claim he was paying the mortgage!

A friend who was married to a second spouse, had to fight off claims when they divorced, as it was friend's house, but the spouse claimed that they had paid for new kitchen and other items that had improved the value of the house and they wanted recompense for that.

You can easily get a mortgage at 60 these days.

Yet on a current thread the other way round the op is being advised to leave her partner as he wants to protect his house…

Ohhh can you link?