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Original poster

Partner moving in - money query

119 replies

cossette · 13/07/2023 11:43

Partner and I are mid/late 50s and thinking about living together. I work full-time and he has his own very successful business. Partner rents with rent at £700 a month but has £100k in savings (is 60 this year so no chance of a mortgage). I own my house (£210k) outright. If he moved into my house he would immediately be £700 better off and we would split bills etc - but I wouldn't be massively better off like he would be. What would be a fair way to do this - I don't really want to ask him for rent!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/07/2023 13:59

TBH I can't imagine living with anyone else again!!

Rather keep my own place and just alternate stay overs...

Peony654 · 13/07/2023 14:03

DamaskRosie · 13/07/2023 11:51

Honestly, I'd just split bills. He's saving money on rent but that's just how it goes. If you don't want him to own a share of the house and you don't want to charge him rent, what else is there?

I agree with this. Get legal advice to protect your house and split bills.

Peony654 · 13/07/2023 14:04

Oh, and make sure you have a will so it's clear if he will inherit anything from you, and what goes to your children. Especially important if you do get married as he'd then automatically inherit everything

Probablysane · 13/07/2023 14:05

What is the law on this? I'm in a similar position and want to be financially better off when my partner moves in and he wants me to be too (as well wanting to be financially better off himself). Is it automatic that they acquire a right in the house if they contribute?

I don't want to give up my independence and space (albeit by gaining companionship etc) for nothing! OP I think £350 sounds reasonable plus buying food.

myNewName21 · 13/07/2023 14:06

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:58

@catsnhats11 No, I'd give him a rent book! A lodger doesn't have any rights over the ownership of your house.

I'm just not in favour of grown men living rent-free in their girlfriends' houses.

he is a partner not a lodger FFS.

skyeisthelimit · 13/07/2023 14:12

You own your house outright so there is no cost there for you, so you are already better off than him as you are not paying a mortgage or rent. If he saves £700 by moving in, then that is his good luck. you will benefit by saving on half the utilities etc.

You do not want him to pay towards maintenance or anything connected to your house as you do not want him to be able to make a claim on anything.

saffronsoup · 13/07/2023 14:13

He is giving up his residential stability. There is a lot more risk in leaving your home to live with someone else. He may not be able to get a similar place to live at the same price should the relationship break down and he has to move back out. He also has to adapt to being in someone else’s home and in a different location. If the relationship ends, he loses his housing and home again. So while he saves the rent amount, he gives up a lot too.

I would split expenses. Wanting to profit from a partner moving in doesn’t really set a good foundation. Protect your assets and he should protect his.

Workawayxx · 13/07/2023 14:13

I’d just split bills 50/50 and agree he treats you a bit more in terms of holidays/meals out etc. Just seems the safest option in terms of safeguarding your home.

saffronsoup · 13/07/2023 14:16

Probablysane · 13/07/2023 14:05

What is the law on this? I'm in a similar position and want to be financially better off when my partner moves in and he wants me to be too (as well wanting to be financially better off himself). Is it automatic that they acquire a right in the house if they contribute?

I don't want to give up my independence and space (albeit by gaining companionship etc) for nothing! OP I think £350 sounds reasonable plus buying food.

You will be better off by splitting all expenses (utilities, food). You can both also contribute an equal set amount towards an emergency savings fund and that could be used for home repairs amongst other things that impact you both. You are keeping your home and residential stability and he is giving that up and that is already a major benefit.

myNewName21 · 13/07/2023 14:17

Probablysane · 13/07/2023 14:05

What is the law on this? I'm in a similar position and want to be financially better off when my partner moves in and he wants me to be too (as well wanting to be financially better off himself). Is it automatic that they acquire a right in the house if they contribute?

I don't want to give up my independence and space (albeit by gaining companionship etc) for nothing! OP I think £350 sounds reasonable plus buying food.

it depends really, if you are just splitting household bills then no, if he is ultimately contributing towards mortgage or rent, them potentially yes, even more so if he spends a lot on refurbishing something like a kitchen or bathroom.

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2019/nov/04/my-boyfriend-is-moving-in-to-my-flat-should-i-pay-the-bills

My boyfriend is moving in to my flat – should I pay the bills?

I won’t be charging him rent but I’m not sure if I’ll have to pay tax on his share of costs

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2019/nov/04/my-boyfriend-is-moving-in-to-my-flat-should-i-pay-the-bills

Doggymummar · 13/07/2023 14:18

My parents got a mortgage at 73 and with a 100k deposit he wouldn't need to borrow a lot. Fairer to buy a place together

PTSDBarbiegirl · 13/07/2023 14:18

RandomMess · 13/07/2023 12:37

After living together a while he could buy a share of your property say 60:40 to you. You bank the money and then split house costs 60:40.

Keep the money in case you need to it him out.

And hand him over a big lump sum when he didn't pay any of the loan or home maintenance. Why?

Aprilx · 13/07/2023 14:24

I honestly cannot imagine charging a husband or partner rent, they are not a revenue stream! You will benefit because your bills, whilst they might increase some, they won’t double and you are now only paying half. If you think you need to profit from him, then maybe just don’t live with him at all.

userxx · 13/07/2023 14:25

I don't want to give up my independence and space (albeit by gaining companionship etc) for nothing!

Which is why I charge rent 😏

DogInATent · 13/07/2023 14:26

You need a cohabitation agreement if you see this is a long-term committed relationship. It's for both your benefits. Every day bills and running costs are relatively easy to split. An agreed rent that covers the benefit of a roof over his head would be reasonable. It also establishes a seperation between his status as your bidey-in and your status as the home owner responsible for the maintenance of the property and entitled to all the capital benefit. If you'd expect him to contribute to repairs, say if the boiler breaks, you need to decide now how that would work.

Stillcountingbeans · 13/07/2023 14:28

I would suggest to him that you might like to move in with him into his flat (for some spurious but plausible reason) and pay half the rent there, and then let out your home.

Watch his reaction very carefully when you suggest this option.

You need to know if he really want to live with YOU, in any accommodation as long as you are together, or whether he just wants to live in your house in comfort and save himself some money.

Also consider how tidy and clean his flat is. Does he have a cleaner or does he it himself? Does he cook himself proper meals or just eat out / get takeaways?
Will he be expecting you to clean, cook, and do his laundry?

Aprilx · 13/07/2023 14:30

Stillcountingbeans · 13/07/2023 14:28

I would suggest to him that you might like to move in with him into his flat (for some spurious but plausible reason) and pay half the rent there, and then let out your home.

Watch his reaction very carefully when you suggest this option.

You need to know if he really want to live with YOU, in any accommodation as long as you are together, or whether he just wants to live in your house in comfort and save himself some money.

Also consider how tidy and clean his flat is. Does he have a cleaner or does he it himself? Does he cook himself proper meals or just eat out / get takeaways?
Will he be expecting you to clean, cook, and do his laundry?

Seriously, if OP were that suspicious that she needs to lay traps, then surely the answer is to just not even consider it.

Keykat · 13/07/2023 14:32

@Stillcountingbeans Agree with every word of this. It is "the test!" He may pass it and agree, but what if he puts you off?

I mentioned similar earlier, and I would at least put the proposition forward before making any long term decisions.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/07/2023 14:38

With 100k to put down he could definitely get a mortgage and if his business is very successful I would wonder why he hasn't
Think very carefully and protect your asset

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 14:40

Can you get a mortgage at 60?

Probablysane · 13/07/2023 14:53

userxx · 13/07/2023 14:25

I don't want to give up my independence and space (albeit by gaining companionship etc) for nothing!

Which is why I charge rent 😏

How do you do this without giving him rights over your property?) Sorry to hijack thread OP)

Original poster
cossette · 13/07/2023 15:18

Without being too outing he lost his house 14 years ago when his previous business went under. He started again and has built up a very successful business once more.
We have discussed me selling my house and buying together - again ensuring that legally my money is safe as he has a large amount of money to contribute. We will probably do this in the future but him moving in with me is an interim measure

OP posts:
userxx · 13/07/2023 15:40

Probablysane · 13/07/2023 14:53

How do you do this without giving him rights over your property?) Sorry to hijack thread OP)

Show quote history

By calling it bills, it's not a huge amount and sometimes I feel like I need to be compensated.

BMW6 · 13/07/2023 15:45

I think he should pay half all bills PLUS a nominal £200pm as a "lodger".

Then if it goes well and you think you have a future together sell yours and buy a property jointly, making sure you secure your interests.

saffronsoup · 13/07/2023 16:19

BMW6 · 13/07/2023 15:45

I think he should pay half all bills PLUS a nominal £200pm as a "lodger".

Then if it goes well and you think you have a future together sell yours and buy a property jointly, making sure you secure your interests.

Being in a landlord - tenant arrangement is very different from a romantic relationship. I would not move in with a boyfriend who saw me as an income income stream as his tenant / lodger.