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Original poster

Partner moving in - money query

119 replies

cossette · 13/07/2023 11:43

Partner and I are mid/late 50s and thinking about living together. I work full-time and he has his own very successful business. Partner rents with rent at £700 a month but has £100k in savings (is 60 this year so no chance of a mortgage). I own my house (£210k) outright. If he moved into my house he would immediately be £700 better off and we would split bills etc - but I wouldn't be massively better off like he would be. What would be a fair way to do this - I don't really want to ask him for rent!

OP posts:
MrLbz · 13/07/2023 12:50

He has a "very successful" business but doesn't own a house? Seems odd.

Livinghappy · 13/07/2023 12:51

How do you feel about him beng better off? If there is some resentment then I think it needs to feel balanced.

You will be better off from bills being halved but could you consider he puts £200 a month into a holiday/frivolous joint fund for you both...that way you both benefit. If he is a decent man he will recognise that he has a better deal. His motivation for moving shouldn't be financial gain.

Dinoswearunderpants · 13/07/2023 12:51

You will also benefit greatly as your bills will now be (presumably) half price.

My husband lives in my house. I do not charge him rent. He pays 50% of bills (despite me earning more) and he does a lot of DIY in the house.

Just ensure the paperwork is drawn up that he has no claim on your house. I assume you're not looking to get married?

I'm curious why a successful businessman rents...?

AuntieJoyce · 13/07/2023 12:54

MrLbz · 13/07/2023 12:50

He has a "very successful" business but doesn't own a house? Seems odd.

He might be divorced and his half was taking the business rather than the house, for example

OP I am in a similar position to you and I would just ask my partner to pay half the bills. He is very generous though with buying food and drink whilst he’s here, so I would expect him to probably cover more of the food and fun stuff if he actually moved in.

catsnhats11 · 13/07/2023 12:57

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:24

I'm always flabbergasted at these threads, with all the posters who think the guy should live there rent-free, saving himself a fortune.

What about splitting his rent into three: one part he gets to keep. One part you get to keep. One part you have saved for maintenance and replacements?

Or maybe you could go to live with him, rent-free, and rent your place out and keep the money to yourself? It's the same thing.

Partly because of the legal implications of him having a future "interest" in the property if he contributes rent or home improvements, it's not just about being nice but about the OP protecting her home!

Like everyone else, very successful business but not a home owner seems odd, he could actually have still got a mortgage and bought a smaller/ cheaper property at 60 or in his 50s. Is there more to it?..

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:57

RandomMess · 13/07/2023 12:37

After living together a while he could buy a share of your property say 60:40 to you. You bank the money and then split house costs 60:40.

Keep the money in case you need to it him out.

Oh no, that's terrible advice! The very best thing any woman can do is to own her own house. It gives her such security. Banking the money doesn't mean she could afford the same house in the future.

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:58

@catsnhats11 No, I'd give him a rent book! A lodger doesn't have any rights over the ownership of your house.

I'm just not in favour of grown men living rent-free in their girlfriends' houses.

tescocreditcard · 13/07/2023 13:02

Honestly, it sounds like you're his retirement plan.

Why not just continue dating? No need to live together and it'll help to keep the spark alive and stop both of you taking each other for granted.

LadyJ2023 · 13/07/2023 13:13

Well your not really going to be worse off.If he is happy splitting bills then your only going to be paying half also.Plus he is happy for you to keep your house so to me it's kindof fair you keep paying for something your going to keep. Sounds like your both doing good at talking and sorting this tho that's nice to see tbh.

CornishGem1975 · 13/07/2023 13:15

Rainbowqueeen · 13/07/2023 12:26

You don’t have to split bills 50-50. Why not do it with him paying a larger proportion?

Why should he pay the larger proportion on a house he doesn't own? Bonkers.

I don't get why OP thinks she should benefit financially. She won't be worse off.

NBLarsen · 13/07/2023 13:16

If your relationship is good enough to move in together then I don't see how he can move in without the house becoming his home. You've said you will be splitting bills which is fair, and that he will have no future claim on keeping the house, in which case he shouldn't pay towards maintenance of it.

He'a not moving into the house as a lodger or a tenant because that puts an odd spin on your relationship, he's moving in as your life partner. So either let him move into the house as his home (therefore no rent taken) or stay living separately.

JustAnotherUsey · 13/07/2023 13:17

I would say split household bills and any extra he wants like netflix etc he pays for himself.

Would also agree on a food budget that he pays towards Do your children still live at home? If he's a big eaten then get him to add more to the food budget. You don't want to be stuck paying for his food/ toiletries too.

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 13:19

Can anyone explain why he should live rent-free, saving £700 pm when the OP will be giving up half of her house (and in an argument it will really seem like that) with no financial benefit?

myNewName21 · 13/07/2023 13:23

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 12:24

I'm always flabbergasted at these threads, with all the posters who think the guy should live there rent-free, saving himself a fortune.

What about splitting his rent into three: one part he gets to keep. One part you get to keep. One part you have saved for maintenance and replacements?

Or maybe you could go to live with him, rent-free, and rent your place out and keep the money to yourself? It's the same thing.

Why should he pay for maintenance on a property that he no interest in ?

also if he can prove he has paid for a certain renovation, say replacement bathroom or kitchen he could claim a share of the property

JustAnotherUsey · 13/07/2023 13:23

RandomMess · 13/07/2023 12:37

After living together a while he could buy a share of your property say 60:40 to you. You bank the money and then split house costs 60:40.

Keep the money in case you need to it him out.

That would be a really bad idea. If they break up he's entitled to that share of the house so she would need to sell! So no way she should do this. She probably wants the house to go to her kids one day too.

Urgsleepmoresleep · 13/07/2023 13:25

DP and I have just moved in together. Albeit I am buying an off plan house as I want security. When it’s built he will probably move in with me.

at the moment I pay nothing to rent expect food, do most of the cooking and cleaning and a very small portion of bills.

he has older kids and his house is their inheritance. I don’t have kids. It was important for both to have security in property. We both agree we don’t have a claim on each others house

myNewName21 · 13/07/2023 13:25

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 13:19

Can anyone explain why he should live rent-free, saving £700 pm when the OP will be giving up half of her house (and in an argument it will really seem like that) with no financial benefit?

most people would split their household bills, or even get the other person to pay some, so you easily argue that her household bills might be subsided by 50%

Arrivederla · 13/07/2023 13:35

May be a bit beside the point, but he almost certainly would be able to get a mortgage at the age of 60. Did he tell you that he wouldn't be able to get one?

Acornsoup · 13/07/2023 13:45

Why does he need to move from where he is now? Is this something you want or something he is pushing for? He could def get a mortgage at 60 especially if he is successful. I would be keen to keep my independence.

RandomMess · 13/07/2023 13:49

@JustAnotherUsey erm no because she would have the money he paid her for his share invested.

It's an option to consider that's all.

LaylaLjungberg · 13/07/2023 13:51

I think charging some rent is a good idea, put in a pot for any repairs, new white goods etc. I think I’d feel weird to just share bills it’s not reality to live rent free and I’d feel a bit weird.

LaylaLjungberg · 13/07/2023 13:52

Ooops too many weirds

OhComeOnFFS · 13/07/2023 13:52

most people would split their household bills, or even get the other person to pay some, so you easily argue that her household bills might be subsided by 50%

Just as his household bills are subsidised by 50%. He gets £700 cash in the bank every month, too.

Keykat · 13/07/2023 13:57

I would not live together in YOUR house for starters. Sorry if that comes across as blunt.

If you desperately desire for you and partner to live together, I think it should be on the terms of the person who OWNS a property. So honestly if I were you I would live together in his flat (or a different/bigger place), and rent out my own, or allow the children to stay and pay you a nominal rent or enough to cover the mortgage or half the rent on the rented joint property (with lodgers maybe if they can't afford it themselves?).

I have a partner of many years, we don't live together and all is great. I own my house, he owns his. It is less complicated that way, but I understand that people's circumstances differ.

PowerBMI · 13/07/2023 13:59

Why do you need to financially benefit just as much as him?

I find that a really weird thing to consider. Have you considered that if you split you will better off (if you don’t marry that is) because you will get to stay in your him and he will move out?

His outgoings are currently higher than yours. So of course he will save more money. One will always benefit slightly more.

Getting him to pay rent and the. Using that for home improvements and upkeep could get complicated if you do split.

and as for ‘op giving up half her house’ Op isn’t giving up anything. She is choosing to move in with him and having someone to split the bills with. He has no interest in the house and will have to move out if she says so.

Why, whenever a woman does something on MN people frame it as though it’s some sort of sacrifice rather than something she actively wants to do.