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Original poster

Would you stay with your husband if he was a sex addict?

86 replies

Newliferequired · 09/07/2023 17:36

Just this. I'm leaving. I feel so guilty and scared but feel I have no choice. Been going on at least 9 years. I've known for 4 and nothing has changed.

OP posts:
pendleflyer · 09/07/2023 17:42

Care to say how this "sex addiction" manifests itself?

TomatoSandwiches · 09/07/2023 17:49

No

2Rebecca · 09/07/2023 17:50

No

Newusernameaug · 09/07/2023 17:51

No, absolutely not.

DoNotUnderstandWhy · 09/07/2023 17:52

No.

Especially not if he had been refusing to get treatment for his addiction for four years.

2Rebecca · 09/07/2023 17:52

I am not a man's sex toy. Sex addiction is made up nonsense for men who won't take responsibility for their actions

MissGroves · 09/07/2023 17:55

As a pp - depends how it manifests. If he is having affairs, engaging with sex workers and becoming obsessive over porn. Then yes.

If he wants sex a lot (like every day) then that wouldn't bother me, if he also used porn that to would be fine with me as long as it didn't affect our sexual relationship that that wouldn't bother me. (I have a very high sex drive myself so my answer is probably influenced by that - I'm female btw).

Original poster
Newliferequired · 09/07/2023 18:01

I don't agree. Seeing how it manifests I can not see that he is getting any long term pleasure from it. And yes it is having nsa sex with other people on a very regular basis. Has anyone had a similar experience?

OP posts:
KohlaParasaurus · 09/07/2023 18:03

No, I wouldn't be able to accommodate that behaviour, even in the context of it being an addiction and therefore "not his fault", and I would leave.

Original poster
Newliferequired · 09/07/2023 18:03

It's the guilt I feel for leaving someone with an addiction. It actually doesn't affect other aspects of his life as far as I can see only his relationship with me and the children

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 09/07/2023 18:03

I wouldn't spend a minute longer with him. TBH I wouldn't want to stay with any addict - they are boring and self-absorbed and selfish. But a sex addict? Absolutely no way.

Redglitter · 09/07/2023 18:04

Newliferequired · 09/07/2023 18:03

It's the guilt I feel for leaving someone with an addiction. It actually doesn't affect other aspects of his life as far as I can see only his relationship with me and the children

Has he done anything about his 'addiction' or is it just an excuse he uses to have sex with other people

Westcoastwoman · 09/07/2023 18:04

Without knowing what you mean by "sex addict" it's difficult to make an informed comment.

TenoringBehind · 09/07/2023 18:08

No

cheezncrackers · 09/07/2023 18:10

I wouldn't want to be married to any kind of addict, regardless of what their addiction was to. If you want to leave OP, leave. This is his problem, not yours and you don't have to put up with unreasonable behaviour just because you married him. That's what separation and divorce is for Flowers

LolaSmiles · 09/07/2023 18:14

I'd leave because I'd not be willing to tolerate any partner of mine having no strings sex with other people. Calling it a sex addiction seems to be a way for men to legitimise crap behaviour and put the onus on their wives/partners to be kind and stay because the poor man has an 'addiction'.

If he has a sex addiction and is serious about his marriage and family, he'd have taken steps years ago to make things right.
He seems to want his cake and eat it

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2023 18:17

Who has determined that he's an "addict?" Him? He sounds like a garden variety cheat to me. Either way, to the bin he goes.

TheoTheopolis23 · 09/07/2023 18:17

Newliferequired · 09/07/2023 18:03

It's the guilt I feel for leaving someone with an addiction. It actually doesn't affect other aspects of his life as far as I can see only his relationship with me and the children

Fuck you've had a real number done on you.

Even if he is a sex addict (!) ..... Addictions are damaging to partners and kids; and for their own protection and safety and mental health and happiness; they must stop the impact of the addiction on themselves. You have equal rights and needs ... His rights and needs do not supercede yours!!!!!!

9 yrs ..... Clear he's not made any real effort to change and won't change.

"Sex addiction" is a particularly potentially damaging one for any partner due to the emotional impact, the risk of STDs and the risk of impregnating another partner (if he's not had a vasectomy).

greyhairnomore · 09/07/2023 18:18

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2023 18:17

Who has determined that he's an "addict?" Him? He sounds like a garden variety cheat to me. Either way, to the bin he goes.

Exactly

TheoTheopolis23 · 09/07/2023 18:19

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2023 18:17

Who has determined that he's an "addict?" Him? He sounds like a garden variety cheat to me. Either way, to the bin he goes.

Yeah, you have to wonder.

Every bloke caught cheating, using prostitutes etc becomes a "sex addict" when they think it'll keep their home comforts, status quo etc. They're also "depressed".

None of this needs to be acknowledged or stopped til they're caught and might be left by wifey though.

PurpleReindeer2 · 09/07/2023 18:21

No. I'd leave. Sounds like an excuse to do as he wants whilst having no respect for you. Time to leave him.

TheoTheopolis23 · 09/07/2023 18:21

OhComeOnFFS · 09/07/2023 18:03

I wouldn't spend a minute longer with him. TBH I wouldn't want to stay with any addict - they are boring and self-absorbed and selfish. But a sex addict? Absolutely no way.

And this.

Stop martyring yourself

Investigate where this matter complex and putting yourself last and feeling guilty comes from ..... Maybe counselling

TheoTheopolis23 · 09/07/2023 18:22

*martyr complex

Bluebells1970 · 09/07/2023 18:24

Out of interest, where is the line between cheating and sex addiction?

Buildingthefuture · 09/07/2023 18:25

I don’t know enough about it to know if “sex addiction” is really a thing. Whether it is or not however, I would absolutely leave a man who was regularly (or even occasionally) shagging other people, whatever label was put on it. It may well be an addiction, but it is not one I suffer from and absolutely not something I would chose to have in my life.