To think my fiancé is just a nasty twat?

[HotMessMama97]

Hi all,

I don't know if its me being overly sensitive that's making me feel this way, but the last few weeks I just cannot stick my fiancé. He's done shitty things before, such as telling his Ex he still loved her when I was 6 weeks pregnant. (He said this was a big mistake, cut all contact with said ex, so I forgave it). We have a 15mo dd, a brilliant little girl. He's always huffing, whether it's me asking him to get DD her lunch, asking him to take the bins out. To preface, I do all other household chores, and he works from home, 5 days a week.

Last night he was popping to Tesco, and said he was getting a shower as soon as he was back. I reminded him that I'd asked earlier if I could get a shower - (PMS at the moment and my main symptoms are nausea and headaches so Id been looking forward to a bit of me time😩). He then proceeds to tell me that it was HIM that said this. I just reply "Fine then", and he starts shouting and swearing, telling me to get to fuck and that I've pissed him off by having a "pout on my face". This was all in front of dd. And he speaks to me like this more often than not too - and I'm always the one who ends up apologising, because when I get upset he says I make everything about myself.

Has also ridiculed me in the past for not having a job (I'm a SAHM), which is what we both wanted before dd was born, so I constantly have no money in my bank to even go a day out with dd, whilst he does driving lessons and casually goes to the chippy to get himself food.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just feeling emotional, crampy and needed to get that off my chest

Get a job. Ditch him pronto. It won't get any better.

And you're with him? Why?

What do you want anyone to say? Yes he is, why are you with him? You should really get a job, you are very vulnerable without one

OP, you are in an abusive relationship

Get a job and leave him. This is no way to bring up a child, especially a girl.

You do not just need to get this off your chest.

Do not marry this man under any circumstances; marriage is not going to change him for the better and he will likely behave even worse because he will see you as being trapped.

Your relationship with him really and truly is over. How can you be helped here into leaving this man?. He is verbally abusing you in front of your child and that is a very serious matter indeed. He manufactures argument and gets you to apologise for your own behaviour; he is truly a master manipulator.

@HotMessMama97

time to leave!!

but why can't you both have a shower??

Well him telling his ex he still loved her would have neen the end for me.

The rest of his behaviour is awful.

Please get a job and leave him.

I would urge you to contact Womens Aid when it is safe for you to do so (they also have a chat facility) and plan your exit from this with due care and attention.
Your safety here is of paramount concern.

What is the situation re the finances and property you are in?.

This isn't going to get better.
Get a job, be less financially dependent. Don't get married.

Get a job and ditch him.

You mean your ex-fiance?

He goes to get food from the chippy for himself and not for you?
He shouts and swears at you in front of your daughter?
He is financial abusive
He's lazy
He's selfish
He tells his ex he loves her (lucky, lucky woman)?

Honestly, you would feel so great if you dumped him. What's your living situation like? Whose name is on the mortgage or rental agreement?

As above, get a job and pick him out. Being financially reliant on such an arsehole is a massive mistake!

how long have you been together?

He needs to be your ex fiance.

I wonder if you have parents who would help you, but because your self-esteem is so low I wouldn't be surprised if they treat you badly, too.

he doesn’t sound like much of a catch Op..doesn’t drive, ‘works’ from home, doesn’t allow you access to the money, says things like ‘get to fuck’

for the love of god do not have anymore children with this man!

When’s the wedding..?

Golly - he sounds delightful…
I’d be thinking of an escape route, not marrying the misery!

@LanaDelReyGigChauffer LOL we both could get a shower but he'd already previously said it was OK for me to get mine first as I was feeling under the weather.

See I've told him that the way he speaks to me is abuse and he should not be doing it especially in front of DD, and then he'll change for two days and go back to the way he is. Nursery fees are extreme high and I have no family nearby who could even watch her for a few hours.

Don't get me wrong there's been times I've cracked up at him in retaliation to him verbally abusing me, to which he's threatened to phone a psychiatric ward because I'm "off my nut".

What made you get engaged?

This saddens me, and is really where our education system fucks up, why are we not educating in empowering girls to not take this shit from men.

Don’t stay to be a sahm, yes it works for partnerships but you aren’t in one.

you are better than how he treats you
you are worth more
your child is worth more
you are more than some man

get out, run as fast as you can, get yourself some form of employment and concentrate on you and your dd.

YOU ARE BOTH MORE

and you know this.

So move nearer your family. Your dd will be be better off too.

Surprisingly enough, you're right @OhComeOnFFS, my mother was a nasty woman.

There's no date for a wedding, I don't even wear the ring.

I just cry all the time. I feel so hideous and not myself - Im sure you all know what I mean after having a baby, you just don't feel right for a while. I don't feel like a good mum at all, I feel like such a whale all the time. I suffer with acne too and I've seen photos of his ex - clear skin, long luscious hair. Compared to me, she's a fucking beautiful woman

@HotMessMama97 you have forgiven him for doing relationship ending things so he thinks he can get away with anything now. He knows you will put up with whatever he throws at you and has now crossed into abuse.

Dump him. Seriously. This is not a loving, partnership that is just having some ups and downs. It is an unhealthy, loveless cling on where you do everything you can to make him happy and it is never enough.

You could be so much more without him.

This is not love. This is him keeping you tethered to him because life is easier when you have someone taking care of you and he isn't even trying to be nice to you in appreciation for keeping him housed, fed, watered and sexed up.

What an utter tosspot. Get rid and raise your standards.

@FartSock5000 I'm crying reading your reply. How could I have been so fucking stupid to agree to all of this. I feel like I've failed myself and my daughter.

I said yes to marrying him before any of the Ex stuff happened. I know if I left I'd never find anyone else - it may be the low self esteem talking but I'm not a pretty sight. And I'd have no support from anyone either, aside from a friend who has two young kids herself so she's up to her neck in children!