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Original poster

Proposal - opinions

103 replies

recentlyengaged · 05/07/2023 22:23

Hi,

My partner recently proposed - unexpected but happy, we have been together a while and are expecting our first child!

I can't help feeling a bit sad that my partner didn't mention to my Dad beforehand, this feeling is probably enhanced due to my Dad having lung c (but doing ok at the moment).

I can't shake the feeling and feel a bit flat, but I know that I'm probably being totally unreasonable - do people still do that even these days or is it an old fashioned tradition?

We've not told anyone yet.

Thanks! x

OP posts:
BigCheeseSandwich · 08/07/2023 07:21

“Not sure where PP got the 95% from, in my circle it's fairly split between "got proposed to" and "mutually decided to get married" but I know of no-one where the dad got a "heads up" before”

same. Literally don’t know a single couple. But (to answer another post) I know couples who walked down the aisle together so maybe my friends aren’t too conventional.

My dad would have been horrified to have been asked. But he didn’t get the opportunity because DH and I decided together to get married in lieu of a proposal.

applesandmares · 08/07/2023 08:01

@guineacup I would have thought most couples have at least one conversation about the prospect of getting married/spending their lives together at some point before a proposal. I don't think most men would go out & buy a ring without knowing that they were on the same page as their prospective bride.

Why is it weird for him to let my dad know? He also let my sister know, and his own mum and brothers. I was one of the last to know 😂 and that didn't change the fact that it was still my decision whether or not I said yes. My agency wasn't removed at all!

guineacup · 08/07/2023 08:19

applesandmares · 08/07/2023 08:01

@guineacup I would have thought most couples have at least one conversation about the prospect of getting married/spending their lives together at some point before a proposal. I don't think most men would go out & buy a ring without knowing that they were on the same page as their prospective bride.

Why is it weird for him to let my dad know? He also let my sister know, and his own mum and brothers. I was one of the last to know 😂 and that didn't change the fact that it was still my decision whether or not I said yes. My agency wasn't removed at all!

Ok, in your case your proposal appears to have been more theatre than actual, as in you had decided you both wanted to get married and effectively agreed informally to marry each other beforehand.... the proposal being a "romantic" act formalising what you already had tacitly agreed, where you knew it was coming but just not the how and the when. It seems to have the feel of a surprise birthday party to me.

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