By the time I go to bed tonight I'll know whether my marriage is over...

[FAQ]

and am dreading it. DH and I are going to "chat" tonight about what is going to happen.

I want to go back to Relate and reach a compromise on the things which are causing the issues - before I went away he told me point blank he wouldn't go back.

I need to explain to him that me doing things "his way" - wouldn't actually stop the arguments/stop me getting frustrated but actually make it worse

If he still refuses to even consider compromises then we'll be finished .

Really dreading it (the chat) and wish I was still back up in Edinburgh.

Wall - we've always kept our separate accounts (has worked well for us......and will work even better for me after we've split as virtually ALL the debts are in his name alone). The only debt in my name is my credit card (which I managed to get after our finances went tits up a few years ago - whereas he's been unable to get anything - not even a temporary emergency overdraft on his account......).

FAQ, I hope that when you've gone, he sorts himself out. It sounds like he needs some sort of counselling - he needs to work out why he thinks it's OK to treat you like this. But I think you need to have left before he'll do it. What a shame he'll miss out on his beautiful boys - but that's NOT your fault, it's NOT their fault, it's down to him. And if he won't change, you need to protect yourself and the boys by moving somewhere healthier for you all.

Thinking of you - and you know where I am if you need an ear.

Ah, I see what you mean re: finances.

Well, I wish you luck in deciding when to leave. In the mean time are you still going to live together as a family?

yes and re the finances - I jacked in my job at new year (I was on Mat leave) and haven't has yet found another one - so he's also giving me money from his account to pay for most of the bills and the grocery shopping this month. (thankfully he had a good bonus last month so has "spare" - usually there wouldn't be anything close to that - perhaps £3.50 if we were lucky).

Yes we're still going to live together as a family - although he's "moved out" of our bedroom (yippee bed all to myself and this morning DS3 was babbling away in his cot at 6.45 and I left him until 7.30 without worrying that it was disturbing him ) - he's going to take over the spare room until I move out.

Hunker - I hope he sorts himself out too - he's not the man I married and lived with for several years and I do still want him to be happy - which obvously he's not right now.

I'm sorry to hear about tihs FAQ - I've only just relaised "who" you are! (althoough I did get a sense on the Edinburgh meet-up thread that you were an "old" mumsnetter who I was sure I should kow!). I'm even more sorry now that I missed the meet-up on Friday.

I hope that you and your dh manage to sort out something that means you can both move forward and be happier. From what I remember, your dh is a proud man. It'll be difficult for him to admit to someone else that the marriage has broken down - and even more difficult to acknowledge that someone else might be able to help to fix it.

Maybe once the reality of a separation sinks in, he will be more open to suggestions that outsiders might help.