Recreational drugs

[Beth812]

My partner and I have been together a year and a half. We don't live together. Things are going great and we get on extremely well. We never stop laugh and share alot of the same values...

One thing that is very different is he will occasionally use cocaine on nights out with his pals. Not when we're out together as he knows I don't and never have done. It's just not for me and I'm happy with my wine on a night out tbh.

He was away with friends in a stag do a few weeks ago and told me he took alot of cocaine and some ecstacy. They all were. He was pretty honest and said it was a heavy weekend.

I think my face said it all when he was telling me. It doesn't change how I feel about him, much but and I'm aware he told me this pretty early on after meeting that he'd use cocaine on the odd night out.

I don't know why it's getting to me a bit. Can things work if we're just very different that way?

Not so much that but what about the drug industry's fatalities along the way? I'm talking about the poor bastards in South American countries whose lives are torn apart by the drug barons/gangs.

There's no nice way you can dress that up to justify 'recreational' drug use. Such a stupid term to minimise what it is. Same with the term 'druggie' that the OP doesn't like. Yep - sorry about that. He uses drugs and can be called that.

I'd say that If it was legal and you could buy it in Sainsbury then knock yourself out.

But knowing the back story to the cocaine but buying it anyway would mean that we don't share the same values at all.

I agree with pps. The moral reasons , plus somebody thinking that they're somehow better or different to those that people call junkies is utterly deluded and exactly why I think any drug use is far from harmless. If you do the same thing that the individual that is labelled scum does then what does that make the recreational drug user? Dress it up however you like but both of you sit down with your straw or rolled up note and snort the same trash. A nice house and well paying job are all that divides you.

I don't think OP is coming back to the thread, I'm not really sure what she wanted from it anyways as she seems to want to defend the drug use and makes things work, so why ask.

Personally I wouldn't even want to try to make it work with someone who does ANY level of recreational drugs. It's a hard no for me. But you do you.

I think it might be starting to bother you now because your view of the seriousness of your relationship will change over time. I think you need to consider if you want to be a long term relationship with someone who does recreational drug use. If the answer is no, you should discuss it with him. Some people who I know did it as a phase when they were ‘younger’ and he might be winding it down or planning to anyway (although caution with plans make sure they are firm so you aren’t waiting for something that won’t happen)
Not sure if you live together, but even recreational drug use can be costly so you need to factor this into whether he can still pay his own way, perhaps he can, but good things to consider for potential future disagreements about financial burden.
Think about kids too, I personally would never have them with someone who was doing any drugs, even recreational.
I guess what I’m trying to say is think about the future and is what is ok for you now, going to be ok for you then.

I’d rather be with neither, but from an ethical point of view I’ve never heard of Prosecco cartels killing people left and right…

Your "good person" boyfriend doesn't give too shits about the human beings used and abused at the other end of his "occassional" drug use.

What's a bit of modern day slavery, assault, rape, murder and child abuse between occasional drug users and their drug providers anyway. All just in a days work!

Illegal drug users are scum, whether its a spliff once a year or a full blown dope head. Neither gives one tiny shit about how those drugs got in their hands in the first place.

I can just about be with someone who smokes weed but I can see that we all have different boundaries

I'd rather be with someone who takes coke a couple of times a year, than a pot head.

Wow. What close minded people.
So because someone occasionally takes drugs they'll be unfaithful and get an STI 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wowsers.

Sorry but the thing I would say is a long as someone is open and honest about it. Drinking would cause you to do more things your out of control with than taking cocaine.

And having a child with someone that might do it 3 times a year wouldn't be bad either. Long as you have ground rules and ensure not in the house or come back under the influence and maybe couple of days after but again. Under the influence of alcohol would be just as bad.

I wouldn't want drugs in my house. But if my partner went on a lads weekend as long as he was sensible and didn't come home in a state after. Then whatever. Doesn't make someone a bad person. Yeah the gangs behind it all etc and criminality isn't great no but I don't think one man from UK is gonna stop that.

There's also a lot of other pressing issues I bet people on their high horse about.

🏆enjoy your cool wife trophy @Emz56

I have quite a few friends who party and take drugs. I knew them and we were super close before they started taking drugs.

what I've noticed is that gradually the drug taking ones formed a little circle of their own and excluded the non takers. they now only regard an event with drugs involved as 'proper fun', and rarely dated non takers for a long term as they weren't able to join the group and share their fun. also all of my friends are recreational users only, they all have good full time jobs. but it's very obvious that their threshold have raisen so much now they can only enjoy a night out/house party with drugs involved, and they sort of live for these moments.

I'm definitely not judging, but I don't think you two are compatible if you can't have the same fun.

Completely agree with everything here

What @Emz56 said

… is a load of old shite.

OP is perfectly entitled to say No Thanks, she doesn’t owe anyone to stay in a relationship, even if you have no problem with giving your money to people traffickers and murderers. If if we’re all being open and honest, I don’t think that’s a high horse, I think that having standards.

I don’t personally use drugs but anyone stating they wouldn’t be friends or acquaintances with a drug user are deluded. It takes all sorts and you’d be astonished who takes recreational drugs.

Yes, but as soon as I found out, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. Simples.

IDK if I've said but, just some occasional pot over a few weeks with a new partner was enough to land me in hospital with my bipolar in my 20s for the first time.

When I got out after 6 weeks, another guy I knew came over to stay and he said 'would you like a line of coke?' He knew I'd just come out of a six week hospital stay due to bipolar. I said no, he said that we have different tastes in drugs, and proceeded to snort it in front of me.

Imagine such a lack of concern for a friend's mental health, to offer them coke virtually immediately after a hospital stay for severe mental health issues.

People who cared about their mental health and that of their friends wouldn't take illegal drugs.

He had Hep C too, and gave it to one of his ex girlfriends somehow (I didn't know that at the time, he kept saying it was impossible to transmit via sex.) I don't think she and he injected drugs, but you can get it just from particles of blood on a coke straw. They had a lot of sex on drugs and that's the easiest way to get an STI/bloodbourne disease short of outright injecting, as you lose your safety consciousness.