Recreational drugs

[Beth812]

My partner and I have been together a year and a half. We don't live together. Things are going great and we get on extremely well. We never stop laugh and share alot of the same values...

One thing that is very different is he will occasionally use cocaine on nights out with his pals. Not when we're out together as he knows I don't and never have done. It's just not for me and I'm happy with my wine on a night out tbh.

He was away with friends in a stag do a few weeks ago and told me he took alot of cocaine and some ecstacy. They all were. He was pretty honest and said it was a heavy weekend.

I think my face said it all when he was telling me. It doesn't change how I feel about him, much but and I'm aware he told me this pretty early on after meeting that he'd use cocaine on the odd night out.

I don't know why it's getting to me a bit. Can things work if we're just very different that way?

Coke is not expensive, that’s why everyone is taking it! Do you actually know how much it costs?

When Juanmartinez said ‘you don’t know which recreational users might find themselves turned into addicts’, you said this was nonsense.
So how do you know which recreational users of cocaine will become addicts ?

I’m Spanish and we pay 60 euros for a gram, cocaine price is more expensive in Northern Europe so
im guessing a gram here must be around 80 pounds. Have never bought coke in the uk nor I mix with people who buy cock so I don’t know exactly the price but it’s defo not cheap.

Because I speak from experience that’s how

No it’s 40/50 a gram so if you were paying £500 a month on come then you’d be buying about 12 grams a month which certainly isn’t recreational

Ok I get that but you haven’t answered the question. If people really can control whether they become an addict to cocaine or not, how is it done?

Sorry but 40 pounds for a gram in the UK no way! This is stuff being smuggled from Colombia, unless of course you’re buying some synthetic stuff they’re selling you as “coke” there’s NO way you’re paying 40 pounds for real coke in this island.

Also: one gram will last you just a few lines, if you’re going to have fun you’ll defo need more than a gram per weekend.

I used to do coke when I was younger and I f-cking hated it.

@JussathoB I'm sure when my friend's daughter started taking hard drugs she never envisioned the mess she would be in now. A prison sentence, homelessness, scars all up her arms where she had gangrene, 5 children all taken into care .
Everyone's experience will be different and I understand this is the extreme end of what happens but I don't think anyone knows for sure if recreational use will turn into an addiction.

Well I'm happy to echo it. Is 15 years experience of watching a partner move from recreational use to addiction to mental breakdown enough? Or do you want to hear about his mate who bankrupted himself and was found tying a rope round the bannister? Or the old friends who wander round my town centre like ghosts, barely aware what day it is? It doesn't seem 5 minutes since it was all a right laugh at the weekend.
Of course not everyone who uses recreational drugs will lose control. The majority are just fine, but PP is entirely correct, you really don't know which it's going to be. By which time you've often invested heavily in that person and they drag your life into the toilet with them.
Its not fair to scoff at people advising caution. You dont know our stories. You get your say too and the OP is entitled to hear both sides.

when did cocaine become a "recreational drug". Its a drug, its addictive, it makes people behave in some appalling ways. It is grown in countries where there is slavery and worse. why do we think its some sort of victimless crime drug? If you find it unacceptable now then unless you change he wont. Drug users even casual ones put drugs before anyone and anything else. if you are happy being second best in this relationship then crack on.

You may get addicted to coke or not (it depends on a variety of factors), in my case I didn't and nowadays I hate it because I know what it does to people, but fact is coke is extremely addictive. Plus you're really putting poison in your body because the stuff is usually cut with is really awful. Coke is a major risk to your health.

@Sandra1984 a gram would last me more than a night out. Lots of people take small quantities to just remain 'up' and not ram line after line into their nose. I know people who do the latter and they're people I wouldn't enjoy a night with.

Having watched a friend who was a “once a year mdma user, respectable professional family man” die, I would say that some of the posters are missing the point about addiction vs. casual use when it comes to illegal recreational drugs. Using just once, can kill you. Very different from an alcoholic and someone having lots of beer.

You are unlikely to die from having one night on the beers but you can die from just one mdma dose. Like my friend did (who was an experienced but infrequent casual user). No pre-existing conditions but his daughters have had to have some awkward conversations with their private school pals about how their dad died.

Truth is we don't know how much stuff this man is putting up his nose every night and how much he's spending on it so won't comment, but a weekend stag do with his pals which he labeled as "heavy", mixing it with ecstasy and plenty of alcohol sounds pretty reckless (and dangerous).

Depends who you know

Since forever

Well I have & all of the friends my husband & I socialise with have managed not to become addicts, that’s just not how it works with coke for most people, it’s a weekend/party drug

OP, if you’re happy to have a partner who not only supports trafficking, modern slavery, county lines, prostitution, murders and drug cartel turf wars, but is risking his own sudden cardiac death from cocaine induced dysrhythmias, go ahead and fill your boots. But most of us would have higher standards. I hope.

This. No child of mine goes to a house where I know that the parents do drugs, even ‘recreationally’. In my experience that is a load of rubbish - it always ends up impacting normal life.
So if you have children and they make friends with kids whose parents think similarly to me, those parents won’t let them spend time at yours.

That might sound very judgemental to many - but I couldn’t care less. I don’t mind what other parents’ views are on politics, Brexit etc - but I have a major problem with people who do drugs that are sold by a trade that is exploitative and highly dangerous.

There is a massive difference in my view between alcohol and drugs. I like a glass of wine but the person who sells me that wine is not a criminal, involved with some very dangerous people.

Nice lesson in morality, but if you're shopping for clothes in the high street you're also supporting third world and child slavery, if you're getting your pedicure at your local asian you're supporting trafficking, if throwing away your plastic bags you're supporting ocean pollution thus killing the ecosystem and if you drive a car or fly on aeroplanes you're also contributing to global warming and climate change etc.. etc..

@Sandra1984 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 honestly the moral stand point people are taking is commendable but also applies in so many places they won't even consider. Eating meat, buying clothes, driving a car etc it all impacts and I hope they're perfect in every area before slamming those who openly are not.

There is a massive difference between an occasional recreational drug taker to an addict. Some anti drug people want to group everyone together but you can't.

That's not necessarily the point. Some people don't want to be with a drug-taker whether they are an addict or not.

thousands of people enjoy recreational drugs regularly without turning into druggies.

Depends on your definition of a druggie. Your definition might be 'an addict' or 'someone whose drug habit is seriously affecting their ability to function. Other people's definition is almost certainly be 'someone who regularly uses recreational drugs'.

You are fleeting unlikely to die from one MDMA dose, just as you are very unlikely to die from drinking too much water. Both are possible. Both have happened. Both are, most certainly, not going to be the way most people who use those substances meet their end!

Sugar, booze, processed food however....

With the need to ask shows that deep down you do have an issue with it.

I met my husband was I was young and he did drugs, mainly weed but sometimes cocaine. It was the norm for him and his friends and as I was quite young I didn’t see much of an issue. I didn’t like it and he stopped. But it over the years it has already reared its ugly head. We’ve been together 20 years and have 3 children.

I’ve caught him out numerous times over the years. Last month I found that he’d been smoking weed when I’d gone to bed, he made out that I was crazy and it was just the once blah blah, but then found he’d hidden it under the kitchen skirting board. He is 43 and has started hanging out with colleagues in their 20s/30s who have no kids or responsibilities who have messaged joke things about cocaine. But he’s denying he’s doing anything, but I just don’t believe him. The trust has gone and I’m now extremely paranoid and resentful towards him going out and his friends.
He refused to show me messages from his friends to put my mind at rest, so I know he was definitely up to something.

It was something he did before I met him. So deep down it was wrong of him to change for me and wrong for me to expect him to change.
If your partner does it and is happy doing it, if you’re not it’s better you make that decision now before you get further into your relationship. He will either resent you for making him stop or you will resent him for doing it.