Is there any coming back from partner calling me a fat c***?

[Worrisome54]

Around a month ago partner (9 years together, 1 young DC) repeatedly called me a “fat c*” when he was drunk after I had complained about how loud he was being (putting music on, early hours of morning, DC was at grandmas). I’ve struggled with my weight for a while but especially after having DC who is 1. Partner has apologised many times since but I can’t forgot.

I feel embarrassed that I’ve accepted/taken this and feel I’ve lost my dignity somehow. I’ve not told any friends as again too embarrassed for them to know that the person who is meant to love me would say such a thing to me. I don’t want to break up the family for DCs sake but really struggling to move past this mentally. Wwyd?

Why would you want to come back from it?
He showed disrespectful behaviour followed by disrespectful language.

If you accept it he'll just repeat this trend next time he has too much to drink and then maybe it becomes a habit he does when he hasn't had a drink, then he starts doing it in front of the children. Either way after the first episode I'd end it and you can end a relationship for any reason you like, even if you have a child.

I'd kick him out

I think it’s hard to imagine a reasonable reason someone would do that.

What is your relationship like otherwise?

No not really

Your weight is utterly irrelevant here, if you were slim and he'd called you a fat cunt it would be just as abhorrent. He has shown his true colours, which is that he thinks it's fine to be gratuitously nasty to you. I'd tell him I couldn't get past the despicable way he'd spoken to me and that I wanted him to move out.

It’s interesting that the worst bit to you was ‘fat’ rather than ‘cunt’, and shamefully I’d have to confess I may feel the same. Strange isn’t it how we’re conditioned as women.
Anyway you should kick his sorry arse to the kerb, no one has to put up with abuse like this.
You haven’t told your friend because deep down you know they’d say the same.

I can't advise you.

I can only say this. My husband has annoyed me many many times. I have been drunk many many times. Sometimes those events have coincided.

I have never spoken to him like that. Because even when you're drunk, you know that words matter.

Quite fraught when it comes to alcohol. He always liked a drink but as we’ve aged he’s got more keen on it whereas I have gone the other way and very rarely have it. He gets touchy when I mention anything regarding his drinking.

Something I've come to understand after being in a toxic relationship, is that we often think its acceptable to be called names in the midst of an argument because we believe its 'only natural' as the situation is heated and 'we all say things we don't mean'
It really is not acceptable in any way! It's so far beyond disgusting and disrespectful.
Nothing warrants anyone calling their partner a ct. Ever.
No. I dont think I'd get over it. I adore my dp. We have bickered but my god I'd never call him anything like that and neither would he. If he called me a fat ct it would hit a place I'd find it impossible to recover from.

Well you can give him another chance if you like, but he will do it again. He crossed an important line when he did this and once they’ve done it once and you’ve let it go, it’s easier for him next time. Trouble is it might be in a few years time and you’ve wasted even more time on him. Women seldom leave the first few times and before you know it it’s happening every time you have a disagreement.

I would definitely leave him. No question.

No this is not normal or acceptable, awful man. He is a bad human.

It's a very spiteful thing for a partner to say to you. If you do want to stay with him, he's got a lot of making up to do but it's whether you can get past it. You can't unhear that insult x

You need to leave him. Don’t use the kids as an excuse to stay with this hateful man. It will only get worse and that will be bad for you and the DC.

I’m sorry but just from the thread title alone that’s a big fat no from me. I don’t think you can come back from that

The first reg flag is him calling you a fat cunt. The second is He gets touchy when I mention anything regarding his drinking.. Run and don’t look back.

I suppose on some level I feel the “fat” insult is my fault as I have gained weight. Obviously I know that regardless of my weight what he said was unacceptable.

Using the c word should be enough for you to kick him out

No, it isn't your fault at all. So you've gained weight..it's not an invite for people, especially your partner, to make derogatory reference to it.

Is he genuinely mortified that he got into a bad enough state he behaved like that and promising (and so far showing) that he is going to address his alcohol consumption because he realises it turns him nasty?... or did he apologise because he thought you'd just get over it until next time?

Not sure if I could get over it either way, but I might try if he'd been dealing (badly) with a high level of stress or something and hitting that low point made him make changes. If he didn't see it as a big deal/thought I was being dramatic for being upset, he'd be straight out the door.

He seemed it. However I wouldn’t say the alcohol has reduced drastically.

Nasty bastard- can't handle drink/or alcoholic - he stops or you leave/chuck him out. So bloody disrespectful to the person he should love the most. Don't put up with it. It is so not normal- I've been with DH for 30 yrs- of course we have our ups and downs but name calling-no- has never happened in all that time.

Could you have sex with him without remembering what he's called you? Wont his words pop into your head, and kill your sex drive? How can you be intimate with him now? Sorry he's so horrible to you OP. I hate belligerent drunks. They have a drink then their true character comes out. & its never pleasant

Absolutely disrespectful and when drunk the filter is switched off so people say what they really feel. This is what he thinks of you. You don't have to tolerate this.