Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuck you

103 replies

easyandbreezy · 28/06/2023 18:43

Decree nisi expected any day now. I've been royally screwed over both financially and emotionally.
And now he wants to be friends!!!
I don't particularly want to speak to him but would love a defiant final gesture.
My friend suggested sending him the Lilly Allen 'Fuck you' video. It's almost perfect but on closer inspection realised it's about racism/ homophobia.
Any other ideas anyone??
Tia

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Hibye23289 · 28/06/2023 20:20

Fuck his dad, his mate, his brother and grandad

Yupiknowhowthatfeels · 28/06/2023 20:22

Depends what it is.
The best fuck you gestures take a bit of planning.
A) He sees you happy with a new man.

B) Get a new qualification/promotion and make sure he sees photos on Facebook of you celebrating it with your friends.

user01082312345 · 28/06/2023 20:25

The Avril Lavigne song 'I can do better' is far more fitting

Heybearu · 28/06/2023 20:33

When they go low, we go high.
Messaging him shows you do care not that you dont.

IdealisticCynic · 28/06/2023 20:37

easyandbreezy · 28/06/2023 20:17

Thanks everyone. The thing is I have had him blocked for months. I've totally maintained my dignity.
Turns out the grass wasn't greener for him (fancy that)
When I refused to return home he went into punishment mode and has totally done me over.
We were together over 20 years.
I would just like to pop my head above the parapet one last time and let him know I really don't care. And I really don't.
He's gained money, he has my house ...but he's lost so many people ...not just me.
I know he has major regrets , he's one of those people who act in haste and repent at leisure. And he's in shock that it wasn't all swept under the carpet as it normally was.
Really just one last grand triumphant gesture?
Is it such a bad idea?

But sending him a song or meme or really any fuck off gesture won’t show you don’t care - it will suggest that you do.

Moreover, it’s quite an embarrassing thing to do and he’ll tell people about it, all while being able to say he tried his best to be friends but you were too bitter/childish/upset over losing him etc.

Maintain your dignity. Move on. That’s the biggest fuck you gesture and will piss him right off.

Talia99 · 28/06/2023 20:37

easyandbreezy · 28/06/2023 20:17

Thanks everyone. The thing is I have had him blocked for months. I've totally maintained my dignity.
Turns out the grass wasn't greener for him (fancy that)
When I refused to return home he went into punishment mode and has totally done me over.
We were together over 20 years.
I would just like to pop my head above the parapet one last time and let him know I really don't care. And I really don't.
He's gained money, he has my house ...but he's lost so many people ...not just me.
I know he has major regrets , he's one of those people who act in haste and repent at leisure. And he's in shock that it wasn't all swept under the carpet as it normally was.
Really just one last grand triumphant gesture?
Is it such a bad idea?

If you want to make him happy, let him paint you as the bad guy and let him know he’s ‘won’ in that he’s still causing you upset (which from what you say is what he wanted in the divorce), it’s an excellent idea.

If you want to maintain your dignity, not really.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:43

I would just like to pop my head above the parapet one last time and let him know I really don't care. And I really don't.

You'll know when you really don't care. Because you won't want a final gesture, you'll just not think about him at all.

If he contacts you, a combo of 👍 and/or 'who dis' works better than any grand fuck you.

Just live excellently forever after.

SayHi · 28/06/2023 20:49

I would just like to pop my head above the parapet one last time and let him know I really don't care. And I really don't.

You obviously do though.

And you doing this gesture will show him how much you’re not over him and he will feel pleasure that he’s still got your wrapped around his finger.

The best revenge is getting on with your life.

BCBird · 28/06/2023 20:51

Silence is your biggest weapon.

Original poster
easyandbreezy · 28/06/2023 21:09

I know where everyone is coming from regarding radio silence. But I don't want him to think that I had blocked him because I couldn't face him or I was being weak and letting him 'win'.
I genuinely got sick of the drama and decided to just let it run its course. He had a nasty little solicitor who wound him up. I couldn't afford one so knew I was fighting a losing battle. I was representing myself. She told him not to engage in mediation so emails were going back and forth with no progress being made
Someone asked how I knew he wanted to be friends, well it was the usual flying monkey scenario.
I just want to flip him off. Then I won't look back.
Truly I don't care.

OP posts:
Mbop · 28/06/2023 21:19

Fool him into thinking you're happy to be his friend, see how it pans out and then find a way to royally fuck him over.

INeedAnotherName · 28/06/2023 21:26

So your financial order has been signed off by the court?

If not then spend £200 on a solicitor for an hour and go straight to court. Let a judge decide on what's fair, not his solicitor.

Congratulations on your decree nisi, only 6 weeks left to go before the absolute!

(I agree with others, block and ignore)

CurlewKate · 28/06/2023 21:28

Just ignore. And continue to ignore. Much better for you and worse for him than any gesture. However tempting!!

SayHi · 28/06/2023 21:29

Our opinions don’t matter but I do think you need to be honest with yourself about why you want to open communication with him again.

Someone who truly doesn’t care wouldn’t want to do this and so obviously you are still hurting over what has happened.

Just continue on with your life and soon he’ll look back and realise what a mistake he’s made.
If you’re contacting him then he’ll just be laughing about how you can’t cope without him.

SayHi · 28/06/2023 21:30

Mbop · 28/06/2023 21:19

Fool him into thinking you're happy to be his friend, see how it pans out and then find a way to royally fuck him over.

Don’t do this.

TheoTheopolis23 · 28/06/2023 21:30

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Avatartar · 28/06/2023 21:40

By ignoring him you are treating him as an irrelevance which he will hate

bonzaitree · 28/06/2023 21:48

A judge will only approve a financial order if it’s fair.

So no one can really « screw each other over » in a divorce.

after 20 years it will be about 50/50.

Maybe reframe your thinking on this?

AngelinaFibres · 28/06/2023 22:03

AnneWhittle · 28/06/2023 18:47

the best revenge is living well

This. I can confirm from personal experience that making yourself a fabulous life is the very best fuck you to anyone who put you down. If you have children remain as civil as you need to be. If you don't then block and move on.

NutellaNut · 28/06/2023 22:10

Tempting though it may be to send a ‘fuck you’ message, completely ignoring him is the best way to mess with his head, if that’s your intention.

justrude · 28/06/2023 22:11

Another to say ignore.

Silence/no response is a great big fuck you, especially given the question.

cantgetabus · 28/06/2023 22:11

Hibye23289 · 28/06/2023 20:20

Fuck his dad, his mate, his brother and grandad

Smile
rwalker · 28/06/2023 22:12

Why purposely create drama if your so desperate to move on

robinsnest1967 · 28/06/2023 22:12

Next time he texts, reply with "who dis?"

cantgetabus · 28/06/2023 22:14

theWarOnPeace · 28/06/2023 20:00

If he’s narcissistic and/or toxic he will love an angry gesture from you, they thrive on destroying you and drawing out your emotions. You say he fucked you over emotionally, and who would do that to someone unless they are warped in themselves? Whatever you do, the intention won’t hit the spot. You’ll just feel hollow.

He wants to be friends so that it looks like he wasn’t cruel to you, to show to other people what a great guy he is “yah, I’m still great friends with my ex wife, I’m v mature about things” is what he’ll be trying to project to others. It also gives him a free pass to continue to draw supply from you by manipulating your emotions under the guise of maintaining a friendship. Ughhh

I totally agree with this. Don't feed the little weasel