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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Card sent to husband by admirer

136 replies

Naz110 · 24/06/2023 23:58

Hey guys, so it was my husbands birthday and he got a birthday card in the post. In the card this person has stated they love him and he is their life, sunshine and he means the world to them. Me and husband got into a massive fight as the card has no name... he is saying he doesnt know who it is.. and his conscious is clear. He believes someone is stirring our relationship. Any advice would be great! I think he is being honest but why would someone send a birthday to a married man!

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/06/2023 15:52

It seems to lack authenticity. The words seem generic and lack the personalisation or sentiment that you would expect if there was a real connection.

Why is he not working, is there someone that thinks you would be better off without him and is trying to cause issues?

LadyLardy · 25/06/2023 15:57

I wouldn't give it another thought. It's either someone who thinks it's funny to stir up trouble, or he has a genuinely weird admirer that the pair of you are entirely unaware of.

Either way, I would simply bin it and not give it any headspace. It makes no difference to either of you.

FloofCloud · 25/06/2023 15:58

I'd say they've got what they wanted, ie to make a row between you and your DH.
Personally I'd be reallynpissed off but don't take it out on him if you genuinely believe him - sone people are crazy

Nomorenonbinary · 25/06/2023 16:06

We would just laugh about it then throw it away.

Sarahtm35 · 25/06/2023 16:11

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 13:58

@TongueTwistr so the card is from card factory however this sad person didn't use the envelope with the card. They went and brought another envelope so it looks like a genuine letter. Posted it 1st class and it didn't come from the area I'm from. Came from a town 30miles away from me, i know this because of the stamp. When he opened it, he passed it over to me and was like how strange..

If he’s on Facebook can you see who he might be following who lives in that area or has visited that area?
im not saying your husband has anything to do with this, but for your own piece of mind I think you need to get to the bottom of it and do some detective work.

isthismylifenow · 25/06/2023 16:15

Someone left a note on my car windshield when I was parked up. Similar type of thing, calling me my love etc.

I found out months later that it was my neighbour who thought it a funny prank.

Some people are just strange.

SparkyBlue · 25/06/2023 16:19

Could it be some one he knew from an old workplace? This happened someone I know and it was genuinely a total shock to them and certainly they weren't encouraging any romantic feelings. My DH has also been at home for the past several months so similar to you OP we've spent an awful lot of time together (possibly too much lol) so I'd also believe him if something like this came as I'd know he wasn't out and about up to something.

Mstxxx · 25/06/2023 16:20

Hmmm I'm not sure really. Around 2 years ago I got a card like that wrongly put in our letterbox. It was intended for the house 2 doors down where I know a husband and wife live - the card was the same, lovey-dovey card with 'Love, you know who ;) xxx' or something like that at the end. I never delivered the card to the right address because I just felt awkward that I had opened it so they would know that I knew what it said, but it also seemed like a wind up or something! The man who lives there is a doctor and has a Companies House profile with his address on so that's something to think about if it is someone just trying to cause trouble

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 25/06/2023 16:20

That family member you're suspicious of..... it's likely to be them. Our gut instinct has a way of knowing these things. Unconsciously you do know who it is. Explore this a little bit more.

TongueTwistr · 25/06/2023 16:32

@Naz110 An envelope disguised to look like regular mail is intended to be opened separately to obvious birthday cards.
'My love/your love' is the sort of thing that an infatuated teenager or an elderly maiden-aunt would write - in 2023. I'm sure you didn't address him like that when you decided he was the one!
I would suggest that it's; someone with a crush, someone with a grudge, a female friend/acquaintance of yours playing amateur sleuth to see if he would tell you that he received such a card (maybe with a straying partner herself?) or finally, someone whose Christmas card list you are on - showing my age there - that he is connected with on LinkedIn/Facebook who has been reminded of his birthday there and thinks it a funny prank.

I don't think you have anything to worry about whatsoever.

Daisiesandprimroses · 25/06/2023 16:51

Welll it’s from someone who knows both his address and his birthday…

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 17:09

@Daisiesandprimroses he said to me, its someone who knows me and you and is trying to cause trouble. So this family member does not get on with him. They just don't see eye to eye. However I've always been good to this particular person, invited him for dinners, teas etc..sometimes you just think am I being too nice.. there is some really horrible people out there.

OP posts:
Daisiesandprimroses · 25/06/2023 17:15

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 17:09

@Daisiesandprimroses he said to me, its someone who knows me and you and is trying to cause trouble. So this family member does not get on with him. They just don't see eye to eye. However I've always been good to this particular person, invited him for dinners, teas etc..sometimes you just think am I being too nice.. there is some really horrible people out there.

Don’t you feel it’s odd he jumped to that? I mean if either me or my husband got that card that’s the last thing we would jump to. In fact we’d take the piss someone had a crush.

could he have had an affair, in the past? And that’s who has done it?

BSTAMEX · 25/06/2023 17:22

Does it look like a woman's handwriting OP?

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 17:24

The scary thing is it doesn't look like a womans handwriting! More like a man's, big letters and poor punctuality @BSTAMEX

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 25/06/2023 17:26

Isn’t this the kind of thing immature kids do for TikTok challenges and similar. You can find people’s names and addresses easily online these days.

SirVixofVixHall · 25/06/2023 17:28

Could be a stalker type person, a fantasist.
I had the similar but opposite thing, hate letters from someone I had met through my job, she was a schizophrenic. It was quite upsetting, and alarming, even though I knew it wasn’t her fault.

Nomorenonbinary · 25/06/2023 17:29

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 17:24

The scary thing is it doesn't look like a womans handwriting! More like a man's, big letters and poor punctuality @BSTAMEX

Why is that scary?

GoodChat · 25/06/2023 17:53

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 17:24

The scary thing is it doesn't look like a womans handwriting! More like a man's, big letters and poor punctuality @BSTAMEX

So it's likely to be the relative or an old work friend taking the piss, surely?

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 18:00

I dont literally mean its 'scary' maybe weird would have been a better word to use @Nomorenonbinary

OP posts:
SmellyNelliey · 25/06/2023 18:02

Op currently going through the same thing but I know who She is! She even went through the efforts of making a fake what's app chat! 😒 but it's completely ruined my relationship! The next day she messaged me asking if I allowed him in my bed! I hadn't I'd left my home with my 4 children for breathing space and we was over 100miles away! Then she told me I hadn't left! Some people are crazy!

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 18:16

Heres the card

Card sent to husband by admirer
OP posts:
Naz110 · 25/06/2023 18:19

@SmellyNelliey sorry your going through a horrible time. Try not to let this woman wind you up, that is her aim.! Maybe meet with your other half and clear things up
What does your gut say? Don't let this woman have the satisfaction of you leaving.

OP posts:
petuniasandpetals · 25/06/2023 18:19

That's definitely a woman's writing. Someone aged 40-60 by the smushy sentiment -

SeaSaltAir · 25/06/2023 18:21

Naz110 · 25/06/2023 18:16

Heres the card

If he is having an affair and the OW sent that card I’d watch your back. She is about to go full Glenn Close.

I’d sit your husband down and ask him if there is anyone unhinged in his life that would want to harm you.

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