BF sulking over my online earnings

[Cassie242]

Will try to keep this brief! Have been with bf just under 12 months, I work from home (kink related work), was honest from beginning what I do and he's absolutely fine with that side of things, the issue that's arisen now is regarding income as we've been talking about moving in together and having more serious discussions about our future, but since disclosing what i earn he's become sulky and just off, and will make little digs about how he has to work x amount of hours to make what i make 'doing nothing' and just sort of childish? Moody?

Partly i think its because he can't stand his job and is passive aggressively taking it out on me, but its starting to make me question our relationship really and whether this is going to be a permanent axe for him to grind, and I've explained to him its taken me years to get to the point where i have a regular income, it didnt just happen over night, but he doesn't seem to get it. Ive told him how it makes me feel when he's acting like that and he will apologise, but then it'll start again a few days or weeks later as if we haven't had that conversation 😣

I just feel angry that he's making such a big deal out of this, its not like his income could take care of us both anyway, but its the sulking and being dismissive that im finding it tough to deal with. And if we move in together will it just get worse?

Definitely hold off the move especially if you work from home he could actually impact your income and not care

If anyone asks and you don't want to tell them in the future I would just say 'I could afford to budget £x towards rent and bills'

But tbh you should only live with someone you can be totally open with

It really doesn't matter what you are disagreeing about, sulking is just never OK. If you can't have an adult conversation and agree the way forward together, there really isn't any point in continuing the relationship.

Certainly, do not move in with a sulker.

Take it from one who knows. And be glad he has shown you who he is.

As Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Don't even contemplate moving in with him!

this. Dump Him. He doesnt like that you earn your own money. It means you have freedom. He is a knob.

This. I suspect he has never really been happy with it. I wouldn’t be either and wouldn’t stay in the relationship if I was him.

You've dented his male pride because you earn more than him doing what you do. I suspect, though, that he would be like this however you earned your money.

I appreciate the feedback, it really has been so helpful! The more i think about it the more i suspect its just not going to work, not just moving in together but the relationship really 😣

I know what i do isn't everyones cup of tea and thats fine, however i was honest with him from the get go, in a bid to avoid this drama. And a few people have said maybe underneath hes not happy with my work or never has been, without going into details this isn't the case, if anything he was trying to interfere and wittering on about alpha couples and that's not what the men i speak to want, couple content, but as soon as we were discussing earnings its like he flipped a switch and became narky and sulky and just little digs all thr time, so its clearly an ego thing and bitterness at his own career which he hates but does bugger all about it.

I also realise I'm lucky and have found a niche and i don't want to throw that away simply to shut him up or placate him.

Maybe he assumed in time you'd move on to a more mainstream career, possibly when you needed a better income. Now he's seen how much you earn he realises that's not going to happen any time soon.

Why on earth would you be "disdainful" of someone who earns more than you doing something they enjoy, they are good at and needs less effort? The other person would have much more of a reason to be disdainful of someone who is doing a job they hate, working really hard at it for 40 hours a week, and still making fuck all!

I’d say that assuming that he knows better than you what your clients would like, even though it’s quite niche and not something he’s been involved in before shouts misogyny to me.

Am I the only one really wanting to know what OP earns?

Lol you’re nosey. I think we can assume thousands, likely to be millions. Depending on how long OP does it for, I’m sure it could much more than most of us could earn in a lifetime.

I would not give up that level of financial security for a man that I’d met a year ago and who is showing his arse like this (insecurities, misogyny, etc). Thank fuck they aren’t living together.

This is why women should not rush to progress relationships and why they should continue building their financial independence whilst in relationships, including when married with or without children.

And a few people have said maybe underneath hes not happy with my work or never has been, without going into details this isn't the case, if anything he was trying to interfere and wittering on about alpha couples and that's not what the men i speak to want

Ah, he had to know better than you, even though it’s your area of expertise. It’s yet another way of him taking control of the situation and of you.

Because getting your bits out for people to wank over isn’t something many of us want our partners to do for a living.

*Out online

Did any of his suggestions require him getting involved at all? Where a) he has some say in what you are doing and b) getting a cut of the money?

It might explain why he's started sulking now he knows how much you earn

I also think that he may want to get in on your gig to receive a cut of the money.

It would explain his mansplaining suggestions telling you you’re not doing it right and then his subsequent sulking and resentment.

Totally nosey lol, I have no idea what kind of money this draws in, obviously it's decent but HOW decent? 😁

Interesting thread.

@Cassie242 not TMI, please keep it coming.

@BelieveThemtheFirstTime yup, I agree. He wants a cut hence he has been trying to join in. If you let his awful ideas take hold, you will lose clients and that's also what he secretly wants so you lose your biz.

@Humidititties Thank you for posting before me whilst I was reading teh whole thread. I was going to copy in OP and ask straight up how much she earns lol Your framing of your intrigue sounded better.

@Cassie242 Do you make £5k or £6K a month? That is serious money- yes, yes to get to that level or thereabouts in whatever you do, you certainly put in serious work first.

Not pushing my luck- do you pay tax? You say it is temporary, why? What do you plan to do next?

*it takes years to get to that level whatever you do

😄
I believe usually enough to purchase property outright within 1-2 years. And depending how and where you live, how well you invest and spend it, enough to not have to work again in many cases.

Agree with a couple of earlier posters...the fact that he's been interfering is another red flag. Before you know it he'll decide to quit his job and be your "manager".

He needs to fuck the fuck off tbh

House outright even if it is worth 200K in 1 or 2 years is an achievement.

I do know men can spend stupid money on anything they desire.

But OP must be prepared for this betrayal (with any partner) even after a couple of years into the relationship.OP why do you want a relationship? I wouldn't be in one (never mind seeking it) while I did this work.

You use the right word: 'manager'.

He probably knows he cannot pull this off even as a support act lol, so will angle for the role of manager and even control how you spend your money.