Long distance relationship - who pays ?!

[Londdi]

Long story short I’m in relationship long distance about 2 years. We met on holidays 2 years ago and been in touch daily since then, we FaceTime weekly. We are now finally planning a visit. To save money we decided it would be better for me to come, because due to unfortunate circumstances I still live with my parents (I’m 30). He lives in New York and makes 160 000$ a year as an engineer. I, on the other hand, make minimum wage around 1200£ a month and still pay my parents rent (quite a lot due my dads illness and drop in salary ) and I also care for my dad. He basically offered to pay half of my ticket . The ticket is around 700£. I’m kind of taken back as I don’t think I can afford it 😭. I really like him and want future with him but I’m little taken back by having to pay half for my ticket. I’m worried I won’t be eating for a month if I do that. I am not a person who wants to get stuff free, but looking at his salary I kind of thought he would. He always offers to pay for spa day for me or buy me clothes, jewellery , offered to pay cleaner once a week, but I always say no. So somehow I thought if he can be offering all that for two years and me declining he would pay for ticket. Am I totally out of line? I’m even thinking if this relationship makes sense . I have potential to be high earner im future too so I don’t expect him to pay for things forever (I have masters degree, but because of my dad now I can’t work as much and in such a demanding field I studied) .

FFS he met her on holiday and hasn't seen her since. He's not her partner. 😂

I know you don't have a valid argument so it's hard to come up with replies, but let's avoid strawmen, okay?

why is your ticket so expensive?
where are you flying from?

I would be too. It’s not fair to split costs 50/50 when one half makes 10x what the other half makes. It doesn’t bode well for the future if you partner is expecting champagne level holidays and you to fund half of it on your free prawn crackers budget.

@ChopperC110P they aren't even in a real relationship, they haven't seen each other since they first met.

My argument is valid, that’s why you can’t come up with replies.

I disagree. Not all relationships are face to face.

Why hasn't he come to visit you in the last two years if he earns so much and is single etc.
Where has he spent his holidays,Christmas etc if not with you?
This seems very bizarre op - sorry but are you sure he is who you think he is?

You don't have an argument 😂

Sigh, I didn’t say he was her partner. He is her boyfriend. My example is in regards to you and your partner- would you allow such a scenario? And if not why are you pushing the OP to set up her relationship that way? A relationship that may become a partnership as he is doing a job transfer to London…

She's trying her best, bless her.

I think if he offers fine but definitely wouldn't expect it. Do you have enough money to pay for yourself while you're out there (also backup money for hotel, flight home) in case it all goes wrong.
I wouldn't want to be so far away from everyone I knew and reliant on a man who apart from online I didn't know that well.
Hope it goes well for you but be careful.

I have more of one than you do, with your “but it’s so unattractive” wah!

Same. I would not expect a bloke to pay anything to be honest!

🫣😂🫣😂🫣😂🫣😂🫣😂

I have a sneaky suspicion that @Londdi and @ChopperC110P might be the same person.

Or @ChopperC110P is just in a relationship herself where she pays for fuck and thinks her DP should be grateful that she lets him

You had a thing two years ago; you haven't seen each other since... that's less of a relationship and more just the potential for a relationship. I'm not entirely sure I'd want to split the costs with you, let alone pay for your airfare. In fact, I think the request would set off alarm bells for me.

I think you're unreasonable to expect him to pay.

Could he come visit you and stay in a nearby airBnB? That way, if you have a massive fight, you can go back to your dad's, and he can stay in the rental. It's more reasonable for him to bear the costs if he's the one travelling.

I think you're putting too much pressure on what is effectively a first meet - if you last saw each other and only saw each other two years ago, you're clinging to a fantasy. You need to explore the reality and decide if you both want to try to make it work. You're nowhere near the splitting finances/paying for each other stage.

PS How sure are you he really earns £130k odd? People exaggerate all the time and it would be a very easy lie for him to make.

We don't know his expenses. He might be earning $160k and spending $120k on living in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
We have no idea of his life/lifestyle.
Personally I think paying half is reasonable.

Agree. Something doesn't add up in this situation.
If he knows your circumstances and has experience that you aren't just it for free stuff I find it baking he wouldn't offer to just take token contribution or something (that's what I would do in his position).
I'd be very wary how genuine this while thing was personally. I'm not convinced it has a long term future.

apologies for the above I tried to post it on a now deleted thread and it has somehow pulled me back to the last thread I looked at and posted 😂 now I’m the 🫣😳😂

I would not go to NY personally. I know you need a nice break, but what is wrong with him coming to UK and both of you staying somewhere other than your home place? UK is fab for natives and visitors alike!

He could also scope out the situation for when he eventually comes to London to work.

He pays for his airfare, you both share the hotel and entertainment costs and you can escape easily if for any reason things don't feel right between you.

We aren’t. Go ahead and report to MNHQ and allege a sock puppet if you want to. I guarantee we are not the same person.

I just love how some people have so many assumptions from one post . I see the the valid point in saying I should pay my half. No issues there. But to assume we are not serious or don’t have a real relationship is extremely judgemental ! You know nothing about my or his life and things that have been happening last two years that were preventing us from seeing each other. You know nothing about our goal / conversations/personalities . You realise there are people in the world in arrange marriages or married 20 years after knowing each other for a week before getting married etc.

Good point. Even if he was willing to treat her, she would need to be able to afford to get out of there at short notice if things went south. It's basic female safety. You never go on a date where you can't afford to run away.

I think half and half is fair to be honest, and if you can't afford that then you need to tell him and he can come to the UK.

I am more concerned that you have checked him out online (his professional profile, family, friends etc). Because he is making a lot of promises for a wealthy man who hasn't hopped on a flight to see you for two years. A well paid single man in New York has a lot of options and I would have some questions about the whole situation.