Ex turning up at school handover

[TitaniumTess]

Hi, emotionally and psychologically abusive ex.....years of abuse.

Court proceedings. Domestic abuse charity supporting me....general gist is a change in contact to use school to pass through, so that we don't see each other.

But....my ex....is onto his other school Mum girlfriend....(keeps picking vulnerable Mums with children in the same class....), so he turns up to pick ups with her....when she gets her child.

He then messes our child around the playground. I have to keep passing my ex and end up running after them out of the playground some days.

I tried to get someone to sort this. Court didn't. CAFCASS are chocolate teapot territory...and the school isn't doing anything....so I am in a position where I am seeing my ex more than ever. I would havr thought reasonable behaviour is to let his girlfriend pick her son up on her own....?

Any advice please....I've just seen him 1.5 hours ago and my adrenaline is just pumping.

That surely would get him a ban outright as that’s bullying and schools policy is zero for it as the children will hear and see that.

that should be escalated higher up the chain then.

I wonder if things are happening behind the scene I bloody hope they are for Harmony of the school

@Dullardmullard I don't know. It's been going on a while!

My weekend to have our son.....I was on a park with a friend. Our children playing...

I spotted my ex, his girlfriend, her children from a distance. Me and my friend tried to keep our children behind a climbing frame, by showing them something. My ex appeared on the park, and shouted over our son. I said to our son..'please say hello and then come back,' which he did. My ex kept on shouting our son over. I told my friend that we were leaving for an ice cream...even still, my ex kept shouting our son over. It just makes it all hard and trickier than it needs to be. I had a ball in my throat after that and my legs started to go, not as badly as.they used to. I don't know why he didn't just peacefully pass or just say hi once and be done with it. He just seems to be going through a phase again.

The thing is he's talking to his son, not you and I think you're going to struggle to find an agreement where he isn't allowed to say hello to his son in your presence.

Not necessarily, my ex is court ordered to not approach me or the children in my contact time. This is due to his severe abuse of me in front of the kids throughout our relationship, op could ask for this but she’d have to go through the court process and fact finding etc. Which of course isn’t easy.

Have you looked into some kind of non molestation order OP? That would make it so he couldn’t approach you at all and would maybe help the school situation. Give IDAS or women’s aid a call to speak about it. You don’t need a solicitor or anything.

I definitely agree, as the school to let him out a different exit? The school should be onside with this!

Hi, the NCDV said he's not threatening me enough to get a non-mol.

What should school be doing rather than asking everyone to be friends as their approach?

Take a male, and he might threaten you enough to get some proper protection.
Have your phone video all set to go on your phone. If not those around you.
This is disgusting and the girlfriend.
Sickening Op.

Hi all, well, he is still turning up on our side of school and deliberately driving his car past our side. I've got a chat with school again this week, with Family Children and Wellbeing services.

He is also being accusatory all the time in the app......I try to drop comms right down but he is replying often and saying that I don't reply quickly enough and am giving him anxiety. He never ends.

Is there anything to respond too or is it just accusations?

Honestly at this point I know you shouldnt have to but can you move school? None of this is doing you or your son any good and he isnt likely to stop or be made to stop anytime soon :(

Changing schools won't help if anything it will make it worse.
Its just playing into his game, he knows it's scares you. If you change school he will just do it in the new school. Also you will need to have had consent to change schools.
School can also do very little. Honestly coming from someone who has been in a very similar situation i would find a child minder who can take your child to school and play them up. So you are in effect removing yourself from the situation. You 💯 shouldn't have to, but what more can you do.

Every time he messages you only reply if child related

if saying not quick enough reply noted and go about your day

in fact do they require a reply? If not ignore.

I’d be escalating with the LEA with regard the school as this is harassment from him and he should be banned for this as it’ll be making the other kids and parents uncomfortable.

His accusations are things like me not cutting our son's nails properly. Sometimes our son doesn't want them cutting.

My ex has already shouted at other parents at the school gate @Dullardmullard. You're right. It's probably time to escalate thanks.

I do sometimes write, 'noted thanks' in the app and I do sometimes ignore him. Most of what he writes, we don't need conversation-wise. Xx

Your post actually turned my stomach, no wonder you are still shook hours later. I am so sorry this is happening to you and your son! Three women with kids in the same class 🤢
That is so wrong and just can’t be a coincidence.
If my son went on like that I would be raging. Would there any of his female relatives that could speak to him. Wishing you the best of luck sorting this out. Stay strong💪💪💪

Escalated and do so soon if he’s being abusive towards other parents. That’s shocking behaviour

good that you do the ignore or noted as they can be bat shit at times with the goady behaviour just to see if they can get a rise out of you.

Most schools have good links to the local police and pcsos. They come into school and discuss issues with parting etc etc etc. Ask the school, or ask yourself if they can show a presents in the school playground.

Does he have contact with your son? If he isn’t allowed contact or it is supervised I would raise it with social services. I don’t think I could cope with living in the same area and would move. But if he has contact he will still find out the school, area etc. I would definitely pick up from the school reception instead of the playground. His behaviour sounds manipulative by using other mums to get to you.

CAFCASS did a very shit job. He gets contact.He just keeps going.

Thanks everyone for the support. Xx

My ex is back again....

Twice this week. Parking on our side of school very deliberately when it's easier to park on his side, and wandering through the playground. My Dad and stepmom let it go one day. My Mum went into school and stayed there. School let her and my son out through a new exit. My ex has threatened my Mum in the past.

More police logs for us again this week...

He just never stops misbehaving and causing trouble.

I know this is truly dreadful for you (honestly I've been there myself). But your poor child is witnessing all the adults being fearful, (of course only the fathers fault) but I would be worried about the long term emotional issues this could bring him.
Please consider using a child minder to collect from school, of course you shouldn't have to. But this won't stop and your poor child is witnessing this. If you receive universal credits, you can claim 70% back.
You could put your child into after school club, so unless his girlfriends child is also at after school club. There really is no reason for him to be there.

Because ATM your in a situation where you carn't actually prove he is doing anything wrong. He's allowed to go with his girlfriend to collect her child. He's allowed to park where he wants and use what ever entrance/exit he likes. Your going to have years and years of this if your not careful.

Hi, the good news is that with lots of support from friends and family, and minimised contact with my ex, I am feeling stronger than I used to.

However, he is still him obviously. Him and his girlfriend land in separate cars for both of them to pick up just her son and then they both drive off separately. Odd.

We're still on the other playground... Trying to stay out of his way. He drove past on Tuesday though when he didn't need to go that way, and saw me and our son.

Without 2 hours, he was in the parenting app talking about taking our son to sports lessons that are on days where our contact is alternate. I've said no so far as I suspect on the day where I would take our son, he would turn up or be there anyway, with his girlfriend's son.

He's forever having a go about silly little things in the parenting app anyway. So currently I have said no. I feel guilty ref my son but he has other hobbies currently and a full life.