Ex turning up at school handover

[TitaniumTess]

Hi, emotionally and psychologically abusive ex.....years of abuse.

Court proceedings. Domestic abuse charity supporting me....general gist is a change in contact to use school to pass through, so that we don't see each other.

But....my ex....is onto his other school Mum girlfriend....(keeps picking vulnerable Mums with children in the same class....), so he turns up to pick ups with her....when she gets her child.

He then messes our child around the playground. I have to keep passing my ex and end up running after them out of the playground some days.

I tried to get someone to sort this. Court didn't. CAFCASS are chocolate teapot territory...and the school isn't doing anything....so I am in a position where I am seeing my ex more than ever. I would havr thought reasonable behaviour is to let his girlfriend pick her son up on her own....?

Any advice please....I've just seen him 1.5 hours ago and my adrenaline is just pumping.

WHO needs to make it safe?
again, how can school stop him hanging about on the street?
What exactly do you think social services can do?
what can police do, if they don't view he has committed a crime?
School have facilitated a different pick up and drop off entrance. What more do you think they can do?

Get a barring order.

Arrange to collect from the school office. This is what a family member does to avoid their abusive ex. They wait in the office and the teacher brings the child once the other children have been collected so they don’t have to go near the playground or classroom.

Right. And who issues prohibitive orders? Not the school, nor social services, nor even the police.

No school, ss and police really won't be interested.
Is he harassing you in other ways? A non Molestation order would be your best bet. It would make behaviour like this potentially criminal, as his behaviour causes you alarm and stress.
The difficulty is getting to the point where you can get one. Unfortunately him turning up at school even when it's not his day is not a crime.
Is there a local child minder attached to the school? You could possibly use them to drop your child off at school. If you receive universal credit you can claim back most of the costs.

Thanks, I've contacted the NCDV.

My ex has harrassed me continuously in various ways since I was pregnant. He made all sorts of false allegations during court proceedings. He spent 18 mths trying to get back together after I asked him to leave. He's shouted, been a nightmare on handovers and had a go at both of my parents.

I do worry about the new girlfriend's children. She was vulnerable and a recent widow when my ex got his claws into them. He's got the son very into him as a replacement Dad.

My ex was horrible to both me and my son when we all lived together. He showdads often now though.

Hi, are you thinking ref the risk to them? Xxx

Yes exactly.

But he sees his own child, so ss won't be interested in the risk to his girlfriends child.
Do you have a record of the abuse towards you? Is it resent? If so get a non molestation order. You can self represent (I did), it's only a short term solution as they're normally granted for 6 months - 12. But they can be extended etc.
It may just be enough to stop him or he will continue and it will have serious consequences.
Feel free to PM me.

If he's domestically abusive the risk is greater to the girlfriend's child than his own at this point.

No you don't know that! Risk is risk. If he was domestically abusive to the mother of his child in front of his own child that's still domestic abuse.
My ex has a no contact order regarding his children (a civil one). Social services wouldn't care if he started a new relationship with a lady with children.

I'm really not sure social services will be interested. Let's hope there's a police record of his domestic abuse and she does a Clare's Law.

Hi, there's a 999 and loads of 101s. She knows what he is like. A few people have warned her. She's seen him in action too but doesn't seem to mind.

Switch your child schools?

@anareen I did think about this briefly as then my ex would have no reason to be on a playground, but my son's school is probably the best one in town and he is very settled there.

What a difficult situation. I am so sorry.

I was thinking this 1) to "nip it in the bum" and hopefully prevent any further distress. 2) start creating a paper trail forbid anything further were to happen.

I do understand wanting to prioritize your child's education.

What?
the point I'm making is he's a domestic abuser. He is likely abusing his current partner therefore abusing the child too. He doesn't get the chance to abuse his own child as the OP protects him from that. Therefore social services should absolutely know about this relationship and may, depending on the level of risk, carry out an assessment.

He sees his own child.

He's brilliant at the showdad bit when he wants to be. None of my friends spotted how bad he was.

He's a lot more obvious now though. There's a Mum between me and the current one (also at the school gate) who said he was abusive to her too. She would just never formally report it. Mum 2 and Mum 3 used to be good friends. Crazy story.

SS would be very interested in a child being abused by a parent or step parent don’t kid yourself they wouldn’t but the hard part is proving it. Children won’t come out and say but there will be signs of it and the school can report it then an investigation will be conducted all behind the scenes.

show dad eh and his mask is slipping I see and folks are seeing him for real now.

how’s it going @TitaniumTess has he backed off or still being a twat to you.

@TitaniumTess - NCDV should be able to help - if you get a non-mol, the police can arrest him for breaching it.

@Dullardmullard he went quite a little.....

He's shockingly bad in the parenting app....he's always on about us meeting up instead...

He's been into the Head to try to get us all back on the same playground. Usual contradictions.....he's saying I stand with a group of Mums and we sneer at him and pick at him....I'm not there and there is no group..!

I'm normally on the other side of school..but he wants us all back on the same playground. Doesn't make any sense
..

I feel he's using school now as a way to torment me and my family.

@Dullardmullard quiet not quite! X

How's the head handling it?

Yeah how’s the head handling that as I’d be having him banned to be honest if I was the head if he isn’t actually picking up his own child that is.

I’ve known parents to be banned because of causing upset to other parents and the kids

Everytime he mentions meeting up refer him back to the app. Anything out with parenting ignore it.

I know that he's shouted at the head, other members of staff, other parents....

So, it's not great overall....