My mum bought me flowers when I’m life threateningly allergic to pollen

[AllergicToPollenBadly]

As the title says. I have a life threatening pollen allergy, I carry an epipen because of it and have had to use it more than once this year and then ended up being admitted to hospital because of it. My 9yo has also been taught to use the epipen on me my allergy is that bad and I’m a single parent.

It’s not a new allergy, I’ve had it since I was a toddler.

I’m pretty sure my mum resents me for it because she loves the summer and the heat and I just can’t. I spend most of the summer months dosed up on antihistamines and hiding away – I even try and go to work and leave work when pollen is at it’s lowest and I’m still often triggered and using my inhaler.

So mum bought me flowers. When I pointed out my allergy she just said “Oh you still have that, I have enough of working round that when you were a kid, oh well” and handed me the flowers.

If I weren’t a single parent and so desperately in need of the childcare help as ASC closes at 5.30pm everyday and I finish work at 5.30pm so have a half hour short fall – no CMs with space that open later, many close earlier and I just can’t afford a nanny – then I’d have cut her off for it.

How do I recover from this mentally? Because I have got to have a civil relationship with my mum for DDs sake due to childcare options being limited.

5.30 sounds early to close for nursery? It's 6pm round here.

Sympathies, my DH has a serious dairy allergy and his own mother spent his childhood feeding him foods she knew would hospitalise him. She went on to convince the rest of his family the allergy was fake. He barely speaks to any of them now.

Ultimately it's up to you. You don't have to continue allowing her in your life. You could go into debt to pay for the wrap around care / nanny. After all it won't be forever, eventually DC will be a teen who won't need it. You could re mortgage, or do a credit card etc. Or increase income. Get a higher paying job. You could reach out to other parents and try to build out a swap arrangement for some of the nights.

@MrsElsa I have wraparound until 5.30pm but it closes then. They all do round here, they won't open later for just one child and DD is usually the last child there and leaves about 15-20 minutes after the others, I think wraparound would shut earlier if it could.

I've investigated Childminders and they all shut at either 4.45 or 5pm, and the ones that close later either don't pick up from our school or have no spaces.

I literally have no-one else to ask, so I have no choice.

Why on earth is everyone on this forum so dramatic!!!!!!

Well if you have no choice I suggest you just take them and bin them and work on accepting she is not very attentive towards your allergy and slowly back off when you don't need yo rely on her so much although that would come across as using her.

How do you survive a life threatening pollen allergy when it's literally everywhere?

Just throw them in the bin
(Or get your kid to)

@OwlRightThen I don't I've been admitted to hospital after using my epipen more than once since pollen season started in March

Well presumably she genuinely didn’t think the flowers were a problem? I mean you don’t seem to be suggesting she is trying to kill you.

Just chuck them out, and tell her not to be a pillock.

Is she teaching your dc not to give a fuck about you also op?

So you would cut her off for buying you some flowers but you can't because you rely on her for childcare ?

Lots of people do grow hot of allergies- is it possible she thought that might be the case ?

It's a bit dramatic to cut her off for it and a bit entitled to think this way and still happily use her for childcare.

"5.30 sounds early to close for nursery? It's 6pm round here."

Fuck me 😅 some people just have to question the OP don't they? Over half an hour?!

I think the people who are minimising this have no experience of abusive parents. You know her best OP, you can tell whether it's a one-off mistake or part of a pattern of neglect or manipulative nastiness.

Can you take a shorter lunch break or just ask work to finish at 5pm and collect your daughter so you don't need to rely on your mum?

Some of these replies are so rude. You’d not turn up at someone who has a peanut allergy’s house with a snickers bar, or dairy allergy with a bottle of milkshake. And your parents should know that better than anyone! Literally all you have to do is not give the person the thing they’re deathly allergic to, it’s not difficult if you care about a person (being alive) is it?

Could you speak to work about leaving earlier or is cover required until 5:30? If not could you find a more accommodating job? Obviously easier said than done but it could be a better long term solution.

Not sure what’s going on with some folk on this thread and oh the irony mumofboys 🙄

She sounds like an absolute idiot OP. She doesn’t think you’ve grown out of the allergy but clearly has some issues. No way do you turn up to someone’s house with a potentially life threatening gift. I also agree with PP about not relying on her for childcare and I think her minimising your allergy says a lot about her

I'm presuming your mother knows you've been on hospital this year with your allergy?

I think some people genuinely just don’t get how bad allergies can be. It’s very frustrating (and not to mention dangerous!)

I have a life threatening nut allergy and carry epipens yet family will still buy me chocolate covered peanuts every Christmas 🙄

That must be a nightmare @AllergicToPollenBadly

You'll have to go no contact. She knowingly tried to kill you

If she is dense enough to do this then you clearly need to be very factual. E.g yes mum. I have a v serious allergy still that has hospitalised me several times. Perhaps you would like to keep the flowers.

What kind of pollen are you allergic to? If it isn’t that specific flower then you’re being a bit of an idiot.

She sounds mean.

Straight in the bin they go. Fwiw, I had a mother like that. Gave my 2 year old penicillin that she had "lying" around". My daughter was highly allergic, had to have emergency treatment. When questioned, she said all airily, I don't believe in allergies. Wtf??.

There's some real arseholery on this thread, just compounding the mother's behaviour.

OP, my sympathies. I can imagine how hard it must be to resolve your feelings about your mother's actions. I wonder if talking it through with a counsellor might help?

Plus, obviously, look for ways to limit the opportunities your mother has for hurting you.