My mum bought me flowers when I’m life threateningly allergic to pollen

[AllergicToPollenBadly]

As the title says. I have a life threatening pollen allergy, I carry an epipen because of it and have had to use it more than once this year and then ended up being admitted to hospital because of it. My 9yo has also been taught to use the epipen on me my allergy is that bad and I’m a single parent.

It’s not a new allergy, I’ve had it since I was a toddler.

I’m pretty sure my mum resents me for it because she loves the summer and the heat and I just can’t. I spend most of the summer months dosed up on antihistamines and hiding away – I even try and go to work and leave work when pollen is at it’s lowest and I’m still often triggered and using my inhaler.

So mum bought me flowers. When I pointed out my allergy she just said “Oh you still have that, I have enough of working round that when you were a kid, oh well” and handed me the flowers.

If I weren’t a single parent and so desperately in need of the childcare help as ASC closes at 5.30pm everyday and I finish work at 5.30pm so have a half hour short fall – no CMs with space that open later, many close earlier and I just can’t afford a nanny – then I’d have cut her off for it.

How do I recover from this mentally? Because I have got to have a civil relationship with my mum for DDs sake due to childcare options being limited.

Bloody hell , after reading this thread i'm not surprised your mother did this. it seems plenty of others would do the same. . I can't believe there are so many dense people out there but here they are!

What sort of parent would just give their adult child flowers and just assume they'd grown out of a life threatening allergy without even asking 😒

Would you hand you child something that would kill them?

Bottle of fentanyl? A snifter of arsenic?

How is asking a question rude? Weird thing to say

@AnyaMarx

Lots of people do grow hot of allergies- is it possible she thought that might be the case ?

She hasn't grown out of it though and I would be staggered if OP's mum thought she had considering the fact they clearly speak regularly and her allergy has required epipen use and hospitalisation this year alone, as per the very first sentence of her post:

"As the title says. I have a life threatening pollen allergy, I carry an epipen because of it and have had to use it more than once this year and then ended up being admitted to hospital because of it."

Your mum sounds psychotic, why would you want to expose yoir child to that anyway?

To be fair to your mum, my dad who is lovely - attentive, generous, caring - completely forgot that I'm allergic to shellfish and used fish sauce in a Thai dish he made. He had simply forgotten, because I haven't lived with him for decades and I can quietly manage it with very few scenarios requiring me to talk about it.

Pollen is obviously different, this must be completely debilitating for you. Daily life must be so hugely affected by it that there can't be a person in your life that doesn't know you are liable to have a catastrophic reaction at any moment. Your mum had more than a brain fart here, she must have taken a leave of her senses.

This is awful. I’m sorry op. For the arsehole comments too… Jesus.

oh dear, your mother is uncaring of you and you want her for a childcare choice?

Psychopathic not psychotic! Huge difference!

But I'm sure if your dad forgot and had a brain fart moment, he wouldn't say: "Oh you still have that, I have enough of working round that when you were a kid, oh well” and handed you the seafood dish, would he? OP's mum did.

I know. six exclamation points to emphasise... well nothing really.

OP, sorry your mum is so oblivious to your allergy. I have a friend who has 2 (adult) sons with allergies who have been hospitalised several times over the years - and she and they and everyone around them is careful and respectful of the allergies. It is horrible. Sorry also that people on this thread don't get that you can have a bad allergy and still need help from your mum because you have no other source of help in order to work.

For those who think OP should suck up being handed an allergen by her mum that could land her in hospital just because the same mum picks her grandchild up ... well I don't know what kind of mums you had or what kind of mums you are but I'm pretty certain they are nothing like my own mum, my MIL, me, my sister and my aunts. none of whom would do this.

But there is a pervasive attitude around that allergies are just being a bit precious and not real health risks. People can be very ignorant.

The length that people will go to in order to minimise allergies is terrifying. OP, I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you but that is so careless. I know y don’t want to rock the boat, but you should probably have a calm but serious conversation with her so you’re not put at risk again.

Who looks after your little one when you’re hospitalised?

Had no idea, off to google....

My dad had a pollen allergy like that and ultimately died from it. He made it to age 36 though.

OP I'm sorry about your DM. I can't fathom why she would be behave like that. My own DD has food allergies and I would go to the ends of the world to protect her.

I swear this board is turning more and more into aibu by the minute. 🤣

Op
Could simply confront her mum ?

Say why the fuck buy me something that could kill
Me ?

And could get alternative child care.

My worry for you OP would be what if your child develops the same allergy and she doesn’t take it seriously either. Could you trust her to look after your child in that situation.

You have my empathy. My mum (who was abusive in many ways when I was growing up), would make a big deal about cooking me a “special meal” if there were guests, and then making a dramatic scene in an attempt to paint me as ungrateful when that meal had more gluten in it than the main meal. Most memorable was cooking a roast meal for everyone and cooking me couscous…(I have coeliac disease AND a wheat allergy that gives me bleeding ulcers in my mouth/throat within about half an hour of eating it. Pretty sure a bowl of couscous would kill me.) Meanwhile, my brother who was the golden child and had no food allergies at all, had all his personal tastes catered to because she cared enough to remember them. In mum’s cases she definitely had some kind of personality disorder. (There is obviously much more to the story…).
Does your mum have other “issues” re… you or your child? Does your child have allergies? (They often run in families… we’re an epipen family too.) I wouldn’t be able to trust her with my child anymore, let alone myself in case she is deliberately sabotaging the set up because she’s come to resent it.

Did she know you'd been in hospital several times recently? That's the oddest part. Surely she should've realised you've not outgrown it!

Life limiting means shortens the life span!!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄

I don't think either of you sound that nice really.

Maybe she is smart and figured it would get her out of childcare. Or maybe she is not ticking over as well as she once did.

I’m amazed at the number of people who obviously have awful mothers, and so think that what happened to the OP is in any way normal….? Sorry, you guys.

Or possibly - more likely? - are absolutely terrible mothers themselves.

I find it quite boggling that even though this is an anonymous forum, people still seem to be so willing to put their hand up on here and say, “over here, I’m a total arsehole!!!”. 😳

OP - YANBU. I was going to post a flower emoji, but realised how inappropriate that would be, so here you go

How would her mother have thought she grew out of the allergies?
She clearly sees her all the time as she minds the child.
OP says she has been hospitalised multiple times this year after using an epipen.
Her mother obviously knows that

It's not at all dramatic to cut someone off for that. If a husband bought his wife flowers after she'd been hospitalised multiple times that year everyone would tell her to LTB.

I also don't think she's entitled, more like desperately needs childcare or else she wouldn't have her mother in her life.

This thread seems to be a cunt magnet

So sorry OP