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Original poster

My mum bought me flowers when I’m life threateningly allergic to pollen

90 replies

AllergicToPollenBadly · 22/06/2023 17:59

As the title says. I have a life threatening pollen allergy, I carry an epipen because of it and have had to use it more than once this year and then ended up being admitted to hospital because of it. My 9yo has also been taught to use the epipen on me my allergy is that bad and I’m a single parent.

It’s not a new allergy, I’ve had it since I was a toddler.

I’m pretty sure my mum resents me for it because she loves the summer and the heat and I just can’t. I spend most of the summer months dosed up on antihistamines and hiding away – I even try and go to work and leave work when pollen is at it’s lowest and I’m still often triggered and using my inhaler.

So mum bought me flowers. When I pointed out my allergy she just said “Oh you still have that, I have enough of working round that when you were a kid, oh well” and handed me the flowers.

If I weren’t a single parent and so desperately in need of the childcare help as ASC closes at 5.30pm everyday and I finish work at 5.30pm so have a half hour short fall – no CMs with space that open later, many close earlier and I just can’t afford a nanny – then I’d have cut her off for it.

How do I recover from this mentally? Because I have got to have a civil relationship with my mum for DDs sake due to childcare options being limited.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 22/06/2023 21:27

Some people are really invested in getting their own way.

They resent other people's need so much.

I fear you have to keep looking for ways to manage without her, and then distance yourself as much as you can.

Maybe a local teenager, or someone at the wrap around could take her home and you collect from them. Someone at the wrap around could bring her to you?
Keep an eye out for every opportunity!

Growuppeople · 22/06/2023 21:33

if Your that allergic how do you leave the house!!??

Ollybob · 22/06/2023 21:42

Some people genuinely have no idea of how serious allergies can be, possibly an age thing as allergies weren't so prevalent back in the day.
My mum's lovely but I have an intolerance to cashews so try to avoid all nuts since it started just in case, my mum told me that the brownie she gave me would be fine as it's got ground almonds in as they don't count as proper nuts! Turns out I'm fine with almonds but still!

Applecoresweet · 22/06/2023 21:47

So you are going to use your mother for childcare on a daily basis until you no longer need her and then go no contact?

Paperbagsaremine · 22/06/2023 21:51

Wow.
So, is she not very bright, or did she have a shitty childhood that damaged her, or what?
I mean... Whatever, some people just are that way, and the rest of us just have to work round them.
I can't help but feel for you. Your Mum should always have your back, and it's always profoundly sad when that isn't true.

Nanny0gg · 22/06/2023 21:55

mumofboys8787 · 22/06/2023 18:35

Why on earth is everyone on this forum so dramatic!!!!!!

Wtf are you talking about?

BananaSpanner · 22/06/2023 21:55

She doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Out of interest, what symptoms do you get? Maybe she thinks you just have hay fever.

Nanny0gg · 22/06/2023 21:56

Wenfy · 22/06/2023 19:59

What kind of pollen are you allergic to? If it isn’t that specific flower then you’re being a bit of an idiot.

Where did you get your medical degree?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/06/2023 21:59

I think the people who are minimising this have no experience of abusive parents

exactly.

there are some really nasty replies on this thread and some really ignorant ones too.

jazzybelle · 22/06/2023 22:02

How weird that your own mother forgot that you have a life-threatening allergy to pollen/flowers. It's even weirder that you actually took flowers from her.

Fairislefandango · 22/06/2023 22:08

I'm boggling at some of the unpleasant and pig-ignorant replies on this thread. Do you think the OP injects herself with epipens and goes to hospital for fun, ffs? Or that she doesn't understand what pollen she's allergic to? Or that she's unreasonable to expect her own mother, who has been aware of the allergy her whole life, not to casually endanger her life? And she's being dramatic?! HmmUnbelievable. Do you not understand about life-threatening allergies?

P3N · 22/06/2023 22:10

Some of the replies on here are disgusting. Pollen in general can cause an allergic reaction. (Tree/grass/flower pollen etc)
The fact that OPs DM knew of her allergies and still went on to buy her flowers is awful and I'm not surprised that it was hurtful to her. The people telling the OP to grow up don't understand what it's like to have actual allergies or be constantly worried as a single mother for their child to have to administer an epi.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 22/06/2023 22:13

Wow. What a lot of 'this doesn't happen to me so therefore it can't be a thing' posters.

OP, I would seriously stop using your DM for childcare. She's not being nice to you. You must be able to find another solution (I paid a friend's teenage daughter to handle the shortfall in childcare).

Hollyppp · 22/06/2023 22:18

I’ve got coeliac disease and my mum doesn’t really ‘believe’ it needs to be strictly followed. Shes always giving me stuff with gluten in (gave me gluten free gravy the other day but I found it oj the side and it was vegetarian, she said same thing no?!) I’ve had this for over 5 years and she still doesn’t respect it enough to adhere to my diet.

admittedly I won’t die from it every time she does it like you could but honestly it’s fucking annoying. Really feel for you Op

Hollyppp · 22/06/2023 22:19

P3N · 22/06/2023 22:10

Some of the replies on here are disgusting. Pollen in general can cause an allergic reaction. (Tree/grass/flower pollen etc)
The fact that OPs DM knew of her allergies and still went on to buy her flowers is awful and I'm not surprised that it was hurtful to her. The people telling the OP to grow up don't understand what it's like to have actual allergies or be constantly worried as a single mother for their child to have to administer an epi.

This!!!

Hollyppp · 22/06/2023 22:20

Growuppeople · 22/06/2023 21:33

if Your that allergic how do you leave the house!!??

Rude

LadyJ2023 · 22/06/2023 22:24

Abusive parent some people must be joking right. A bunch of flowers so much drama. I grew out of my allergic reactions some do some don't. But cmon get a grip your more than happy to use her as a baby sitter

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/06/2023 22:24

If I were you I'd be claiming esa and pip and keeping well away when its spring and summer.

It sounds utterly life limiting and devastating. I'm very sorry for your allergy.

EarthSight · 22/06/2023 22:25

OP I'm sorry that you've experienced people questioning you like this on the thread instead of support. Your mum is just weird at the least and sadistic at worst. Even if someone had a mild nut allergy (as in it's just about bad enough to make their lips swell a tiny bit or give them hives, but nothing worse).......why the fuck would anyone purposefully buy them a nut bar as a treat when they know they're allergic to nuts????

RunningFromInsanity · 22/06/2023 22:26

Wenfy · 22/06/2023 19:59

What kind of pollen are you allergic to? If it isn’t that specific flower then you’re being a bit of an idiot.

Substitute pollen to nuts and you wouldn’t get half of these braindead comments.

EarthSight · 22/06/2023 22:26

Also ffs sake the OP is a single mum.

Apricotflanday · 22/06/2023 22:32

I think a lot if abusive people have been drawn to this thread in order to stand up for a fellow abuser.
I hope you're able to ignore their cruel comments, OP.
I understand what it's like to have to rely on an abusive parent for childcare, torn between protecting yourself by setting boundaries, knowing that means possibly losing your job and home and being unable to look after your child, or putting up with the emotional turmoil that comes with having a parent you desperately wish was different — motherly — towards you.

My dad repeatedly forgets I can get anaphylactic shock from eating peas, offers them to me every visit. He has narcissistic tendencies. However, he does genuinely forget and doesn't mean any harm, so I can cope with the irritation.

As someone else said, you know your mother and whether she intended harm or not. It sounds as if she just dismissed the issue, which is of course hurtful too.

I hope you can find more childcare in time, perhaps among local families like someone suggested.

SirCharlesRainier · 22/06/2023 22:33

LadyJ2023 · 22/06/2023 22:24

Abusive parent some people must be joking right. A bunch of flowers so much drama. I grew out of my allergic reactions some do some don't. But cmon get a grip your more than happy to use her as a baby sitter

Do you have to make an effort to be this stupid or does it come naturally?

Apricotflanday · 22/06/2023 22:33

LadyJ2023 · 22/06/2023 22:24

Abusive parent some people must be joking right. A bunch of flowers so much drama. I grew out of my allergic reactions some do some don't. But cmon get a grip your more than happy to use her as a baby sitter

She's not at all happy having to ask her to babysit. She's deeply distressed by it. Didn't you read the post? Have some empathy.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 22/06/2023 22:35

I would ask work for a workaround if it's a deathly allergy. Tbh.

I'd cut your mum off and cite her attempted maiming of you.