20 year old and 40 year old

[giraffeleg]

Can I ask people's opinion on a 20 year old female with a 40 year old male?
Opinions seem very divided here

When I was 20 - absolutely yes. Now I'm 40 - absolutely no.

No no no.
Imagining myself now with a man of 67. Just ewwwww.

I just can't help but feel like an age gap like that at just 20 years old is odd, but then maybe I've been brainwashed by society! I'm not sure

The relationship will likely be unequal. I think a 40 year old dating someone that could be their child is sick tbh. I’d be suspicious if the 40 year old possibly wanting to control a 20 year old, who will have a lot less experience of everything. My son and niece are both 20, they are not interested in 40 year olds so something is off on that side too. Just no.

There’s an oddly large number of people here who are totally coold with age gaps (woman almost always much younger), but NO,NO,NO!
They are creepy as hell!
The older men, if they were decent people, would stay far away.

It might be a power imbalance. I'd worry that in any decision making process, the younger person would tend to defer to the older person due to their experience (or the older person would expect them to), which isn't a great recipe for an equal loving partnership IMO.

DD has a friend (22) who has a 43 year old boyfriend. They’ve been together for about 4 years but all their friends still find it a bit off and don’t understand the appeal with such an age gap.

I'm in my early 40s. My youngest friends are in their mid 20s. They are fantastic people but there are some big differences that I wouldn't want with a partner. So even without 20 being so young I would say absolutely no. But since 20 is so young, the power dynamic is off balance and its actively icky rather than just not for me.

Major ick sorry

When I was 20 I met somebody who was 35 and we were in a relationship for almost four years. Looking back, I don’t think it was a good thing. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have done it.

as the nearly 40 year old, the idea of being with a 19 year old is so grim I got a bit of sick in my mouth. Just no.
However, we have some family friends where there's an 18 year age gap and they've been together for nearly 40 years now. So it's not exactly cut and dried.

No. THink about retirement age? He can retire in about 20plus years and have to wait another 20plus for her to retire. Resentment then, the unequality shows, she still has her looks at 40odd but his will have withered somewhat in his 60's. Absolutely no way from me.

When my dd is 20 I'll be 46. Her dad will be 48. I hope he doesn't look at her friends in that way.

Complete hard no sorry. When I was 20 (and younger) I DID get involved with much older men and I regret it, they were grooming me and my friends - I can look back and see that now. Huge power imbalance.

The other thing I would be concerned about is if they break up in a year or so and he wants to meet someone else he is limited when he tells other women in their 40's his ex was 20. Lots of women in their 40's have kids this age and I would run a mile.

Not popular on MN. However, I know a man who was 45 and met a woman of 25. They were married within a year and had four children and were extremely happy together until he died in his late 80s.

I think it's like any relationship. It depends so much on the individuals and circumstances.

When I was 21 I went out with a 48 yo. I fancied him first. He turned out to be a bit of a knob. Not in an abusive type way, just in a because he was older he thought he was better than everyone type way. I got fed up with it quite quickly. I think I kind of ghosted him (no mobiles back then so I just didn't call him back) He probably didn't ring my house as I never told my mum about him. I was younger than his daughter, and he had a grandchild. Quite bad, looking back on it. Not sure at all why he went out with me. Afaik he then met someone nearer his own age, and hadn't been out with anyone near my age beforehand, so it wasn't something he did.

Anyway, now I'm nearly 48 (now the hell did that happen?) and if I had a daughter I wouldn't be happy at all if she went out with someone that much older than her. I'd wonder why a man that age was interested in such a young woman.

I'm in a relationship now with someone 15 years older, but as we've both got years of experience of being adults it's not a big deal.

I’m 21. Would be sceptical of dating anyone over 28/29.

That's exactly the age gap of me and my partner.

We've been together 17 years.

No he isn't a perve or a cheat.

Yes I've always liked older men and I wasn't coerced.

I don't think you can stereotype anyone and just because someone on here might think it's gross, doesn't mean that others do.

When I was 20 I knew my mind and knew myself. Always have and always will. No I don't have daddy issues as that seems to come up when people mention an age gap.

If you met us, you'd understand it. We work well together.

I don't believe in judging people's relationships if they are both consenting adults. And yes 20 is an adult.

Huge power imbalance at 20 and 40. 40-60 less so.

Unless it's someone very close to and you feel they are being coerced, why do you care so much? Other adult's relationships are nobody else's business

No, 100% no! A 20 year old is not at the same place as a 40 year old and doesn’t have the same life experiences and I say that as someone who has family with large age gaps but personally I just don’t think it works

I have similar gap except I wasn't quite as young. I was 24 he was 41 when we got together. It can work but as the younger one in the marriage I definitely feel the age gap has brought some challenges.

Obviously there are exceptions but I’m general o don’t think it’s appropriate. Too great a power imbalance

Depends on the individuals involved. DP and I were 25/45 when we met. It works for us.