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Original poster

Would you want to know

85 replies

Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 06:54

DH has a friend. This friend has been caught cheating twice over the years by his wife. They are still together and she monitors his phone and is suspicious of him all the time. He boasted to DH that he is cheating again. If you were the wife would you want to know. I'm not friends with her

OP posts:
Tayegete · 19/06/2023 06:55

Yes. He sounds vile if he’s boasting about it.

Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:00

I don't know if I should be the one to tell her

OP posts:
Epidote · 19/06/2023 07:04

If I was that woman I would like to know, however I wouldn't be grateful with the person who told me. It is a very difficult thing to digest.

If you are going to tell her be ready for a bad reaction on her side and the friendship between your DH and the cheater to break.

The spillage will splash you one way or another.
I wouldn't tell her anything if I were you.

Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:07

That's my worry. I do also think if she had stayed after finding out twice before she knows he will do it again

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 19/06/2023 07:09

I'd tell her. I knew a couple of women my exh worked with socially but not well. They both knew he was cheating but didn't tell me.

I understand why they didn't - they saw me across a room once a week and had to work with him!

But I wish they had. I wouldn't have held it against them.

You are not her friend so it doesn't matter if she takes it badly. But I couldn't know this about someone and not say anything.

GreyCarpet · 19/06/2023 07:09

Besides, she's caught him before. She's not going to disbelieve you.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 19/06/2023 07:11

I’m more interested to know why you are staying with your husband who has friends like this.
Birds of the feather and all that….

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:11

I was the bearer of that bad news (sister )
She is still with him.Our relationship will never be the same.
She is a shell of her former self, she tried to commit suicide because she is so unhappy.
She wants to turn the clock back go her being oblivious as it might have fizzled out.

Would I want to know? Yes. But not everyone would.

TheAverageJoanne · 19/06/2023 07:12

Epidote · 19/06/2023 07:04

If I was that woman I would like to know, however I wouldn't be grateful with the person who told me. It is a very difficult thing to digest.

If you are going to tell her be ready for a bad reaction on her side and the friendship between your DH and the cheater to break.

The spillage will splash you one way or another.
I wouldn't tell her anything if I were you.

Why would you resent the person who told you @Epidote ?

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:12

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 19/06/2023 07:11

I’m more interested to know why you are staying with your husband who has friends like this.
Birds of the feather and all that….

What a ridiculous statement.

Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:13

DH is shocked by him. Maybe an anonymous phone call would be a good way to tell her

OP posts:
Tiny2018 · 19/06/2023 07:14

I've been in the position of sending myself crazy with paranoia, suspicion and phone checking and it really is a horrible place to be. I would absolutely want to know.

Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:17

What happened tiny

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 19/06/2023 07:19

She is being humiliated enough by him. Knowing someone else knew and didn't tell me would he horrific to me. I would have to tell her.

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:22

He is a serial cheater,she has caught him before. Twice! And she is still with him.
She knows what he is like and has remained married. She probably turns a blind eye.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 19/06/2023 07:23

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:12

What a ridiculous statement.

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I really don’t think so 🤷🏽‍♀️

LakeTiticaca · 19/06/2023 07:24

She's not your friend and its not your business to tell her. She might already know and have decided to stay in the relationship, for reasons that are nothing to do with you.
Don't be a busybody

Gracewithoutend · 19/06/2023 07:25

Don't they usually kill the messenger?

Berlinlover · 19/06/2023 07:30

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:12

What a ridiculous statement.

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It’s definitely not a ridiculous statement, @IsThereAnEchoInHere is right.

TheAverageJoanne · 19/06/2023 07:35

Berlinlover · 19/06/2023 07:30

It’s definitely not a ridiculous statement, @IsThereAnEchoInHere is right.

Show quote history

One of the reasons I no longer wanted to be with my partner was that his married brother and the brother's mates used prostitutes. Not the only reason but it was in the mix.

Hiddenvoice · 19/06/2023 07:38

I had a friend who had cheated on his fiancée twice. We thought she knew but turns out she only knew about one of the times. I caught him cheating again. He was also very flirty and overfamiliar with me which my dh and I didn’t like.
My dh called him out on everything and I met with his fiancée to gently tell her. She was rightfully hurt and angry.
The next day we were blocked and deleted. Turns out she blames me for ruining her happiness and claims I was jealous and trying to steal him for myself.
I’m glad I told her and she has all the facts but also sad about losing a friend.

Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:41

I think she has always blamed the OW in the past

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:49

DH has just read these and thinks we should tell. He doesn't care about loosing the friend

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 19/06/2023 08:11

Sadtoday123 · 19/06/2023 07:13

DH is shocked by him. Maybe an anonymous phone call would be a good way to tell her

Or just keep your nose out?

SunflowerTed · 19/06/2023 08:13

ZekeZeke · 19/06/2023 07:12

What a ridiculous statement.

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Totally ridiculous. My friend is cheating on her husband - I wouldn’t dream of cheating on mine - ever!