Would you want to know

[Sadtoday123]

DH has a friend. This friend has been caught cheating twice over the years by his wife. They are still together and she monitors his phone and is suspicious of him all the time. He boasted to DH that he is cheating again. If you were the wife would you want to know. I'm not friends with her

I told my sister a long time ago. She married him in the end and we haven't gotten along since. I would never tell again!!

Agree 💯% i got shot!!!

NOOOO. JUST NO.

That situation is very much different from OP's, though. You had a familial relationship at stake, but OP doesn't even have so much as a friendship with this woman to lose, and her husband is happy to lose the adulterer as his friend.

Meh me being ‘shot’ is nothing compared to the risk of STDs, right to sexual consent and personal agency being taken from a betrayed by a cheat.

I would always tell.

Could you post an anon letter through the door?

RTFT.

Someone’s literally just posted to say what a (cowardly) terrible idea ref is.

Reading with intrigue

Why

I'm going to try to be factual.

She already knows his nature and in other occasions blame the OW.

He doesn't bother in telling his friends because somehow he thinks he is immune to any repercussions.

So now, why will you want to get involved in that kind of twisted relationship dynamics?

I would forget about it. She may even know by now. I mean if you know who else can be already aware that he is doing what he does best.

If she's foolish enough to forgive him twice I'd keep out of it- she obviously hasn't got enough agency to stand up for herself, what woukd be different this time.

On another note, it's interesting that she's doing all this monitoring and still not finding it out- goes to show it doesn't work!

I think a lot of this is about the people doing the telling and their own feelings of self importance than the person being cheated on.

Close friends and family members aside, there seems to be an element of smug self satisfaction from people who would want to be the one who told.

As for those who do it anonymously, they clearly don’t actually give a shit about the person they’re telling, and am happy to gaslight that person into wondering which of their friends or family knew. But they give enough of a shit about themselves that they are too gutless to put their name to their revelations.

OP I would stay well out of it. She knows her husband is a cheat. Clearly she’s happy living that life.

Agree with this! It’s always the person who tells someone they’re being cheated on that gets the worst wrap for it all. She’s not your friend at the end of the day. Telling her would more than likely lead to drama in your own life & cheater would also probably start on DH. It’s not worth it! If he’s cheated on her twice already, she’s more than likely not going to leave so you’d only be wasting your own time and energy.

Honestly, I also wouldn’t want DH to be friends with someone like that either or even feel comfortable with it. What does DH think of the situation?

Obviously you can’t tell DH who he can and can’t be friends with and you don’t want to cause any martial issues between yourselves either.

No one told me. His mates knew so their wives and girlfriends knew too. My neighbours saw them out together but no-one said a word. My best friend's husband saw them in a pub but they said nothing...there was I in unblissful ignorance until someone at last mentioned something which could have been innocent, he denied an affair..and the roller coaster went on and on..until we split and then they all lined up to tell me ... I would like to have known.

"It’s always the person who tells someone they’re being cheated on that gets the worst wrap for it all. She’s not your friend at the end of the day. Telling her would more than likely lead to drama in your own life & cheater would also probably start on DH. It’s not worth it! If he’s cheated on her twice already, she’s more than likely not going to leave so you’d only be wasting your own time and energy."

My point of view exactly. I guess I'm just not that altruistic. Maybe you are.

As for an anonymous letter...yes, if you want to freak her the fuck out as well as devastate her marriage, do that.

I agree, if she's gonna keep taking him back then she surely expects it ?
She needs to either leave him or accept she will never change him .

She probably already knows deep down ...

He is a serial cheater,she has caught him before. Twice! And she is still with him.
She knows what he is like and has remained married. She probably turns a blind eye
This. I suspect given he's confident enough to be so open about it that she probably already knows that he's probably cheating, or will be soon.
Who knows her reasons for staying but she knows what sort of man he is, and if she's trying to take comfort in blaming multiple women for her partner being a serial cheat, she's only fooling herself.

I told someone many years ago, I wasn't shot, quite the reverse, we have had a life long love and bond and trust one another completely.

As friends we have each other's backs.

Post her an anonymous letter exposing the scum bag, yet again!

She deserves to know, I think you should tell her.

She might leave this time, everyone has their limits.

He sounds gross but she is staying with him despite there being no trust if she monitors everything.

Leave them to it

I do think there are many people who partake in affairs that believe the wives know what's going on.

Many don't, they may have suspicions or inclines but absolute proof, they don't.
Hard to believe especially if someone is an ow, it's a case of how could they possibly not know ? many men are brilliant liars, decievers and gaslighters, they revel in how confused they can make their partners and alter their reality, and for that reason I would if possible give the decieved person the knowledge that could allow her choices in her own life.

Tell, whether anonymously or in person.

Although I do wonder why your husband want's to squeal on his friend, not many men tend to get involved in this type of stuff.

Are you sure your h is annoyed that he didn't get the girl and wants to scupper his love life with her.

I'm cynical.