Problems in the bedroom with new man!

[DreamingAloft]

Hi all,

For a bit of background, I’m 24, he’s 36. Everything has been going very well so far - and we’re going on our 7th date tomorrow. The only problem is that he’s not yet climaxed during sex (we’ve had it 3 times so far). I’ve never had this issue before with previous boyfriends — who’ve all been sex-crazy and who’ve been able to finish easily. He’s blamed it on a variety of things. The first time we had sex he couldn’t get an erection for a while, and he said jokingly “this is what happens when you date an older man”, and then he’s also said he gets performance anxiety. Finally, he’s said that he’s too unfit so gets too tired to finish (which is true, he is cardiovascularly unfit). I’ve asked him what turns him on but he just says “you” in response - which doesn’t really help me out!

Do you think it’s just performance anxiety or something else? Should I be worried?

If you take a wider view of this forum, and the responses to women talking about aging and their own sexual changes etc they get much more empathy than a woman talking about their husband/ partner and his sexual changes and challenges with ageing etc.

if man cannot sexually perform in the same way in 40s or 50s as he did in his 20’s you will regularly see an avalanche of responses saying dump the limp dick loser ( or words to that effect ) irrespective if he is a good partner/ parent/ husband, With very few sensible responses with actual support/ sympathy/ empathy/ suggestions

just seems a very odd place sometimes

I would tell a 23 year old man to dump a woman of 36 if he was having difficultly coping with sexual problems.

23 is young, you shouldn't have to be worried at that age with problems that affect older life stagers.

Absolutely disagree on this. Have never seen this.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy it's a thing 100%

It's a site primarily for women so of course it's going to be geared towards supporting women in scenarios most of the time- at least on the Relationships board. There are also some feminists on here who will try and support women as part of their politics.

Why should we care about random blokes who haven't posted, over the woman who's actually posted?

The board is primarily for women to advise women.

“this is what happens when you date an older man”

He's patronising your intelligence with this. What he's saying is rubbish. I'm about the same age as him and if this occurred in a new man I was seeing....it would really put me off. I've experienced sexual issues like that in a relationship before and I wouldn't want it again.

Oh come on @bobby81 . For one thing, women's and men's bodies are different. Also, men's sexual issues tend to be caused by different things, such as porn use for one thing.

If a man posted this about a woman we certainly wouldn’t be saying “dump her”. I hate the double standards on this forum sometimes. I’ve been with mine since August and he’s only very recently been able to finish from sex or oral. He said he always lasted slightly longer but I think it was also performance anxiety.

Absolutely. I honestly don’t understand why a woman would say sex is bad because he doesn’t finish. Men don’t have the same opinion if a woman doesn’t. At the end of the day the ultimate goal is orgasm so if I have mine & he doesn’t then oh well next time, Why is sex so dependant on a man finishing. I spent too much of my young years with bf thinking that but now I am more interested in my own pleasure

I absolutely would tell a man to stop seeing a woman if they were sexually incompatible after only being together for a short while. Life is short, and no one is under any obligation to stay with someone if it's not working for them.

You’re 24 FGS!!!??

Go out and live life!

He’s 36 and ‘too old’ to be on top?!

My God…. 😳

Never date a fixer-upper. Whether you’re 24, 34, 44 or 104.

There are zillions of fish in the sea - toss this sub-standard one back… 🎣

He's too old to get on top but he's not too old to happily put a much younger woman through his sub par sexual performance?

Jesus wept. I'd be dumping him for his refusal to get on top alone. Never mind the rest. Who wants a selfish lazy lover?

Just dump him and go find a man nearer your own age who's dick works properly. Fed up with reading posts about men who can't preform but who happily go on like there's no issue while their girlfriends tie themselves in knots.

Of and its far too early for ditching condoms, STI checks or not. You barely know this man. He could be cheating left right and centre!

@CrazyArmadilloLady hit the nail on the head better than I could. Heed her wise words.

Thank you @ChrisTrepidation.

I honestly cannot believe there are people on this thread actually urging the OP - in her early 20s, in the prime of life - to waste her time on this man. 😔

Have a word with yourselves.

I think this illustrates my point quite nicely, if a woman has sexual performance issues, she would be helped and supported and advised

if a woman says a man has sexual performance issues this is the response

Just dump him and go find a man nearer your own age who's dick works properly. Fed up with reading posts about men who can't preform

Does he have an illness? Only guy I dated who had this happen it wasn't porn death grip or anything- he had MS

You've only been on 7 dates and already there are problems. You don't owe anyone a relationship OP, throw this one back and enjoy your youth. Don't be arm candy for some lazy, old before his time man.

I met my DH when I was 24 and he was 39. He didn't climax for the first dozen times and he struggled to get an erection at times. It wasn't death grip or impotence, he was just very nervous and had not long got over a divorce. We are still together 21 years later and we often joke about how his penis is almost dog-like in its loyalty. It just took him a while to bond with me and realise that I was his new owner 😁. After 6-8 weeks everything was hunky dory.

But

This could well be a sign to watch out for.

Does he have an illness? Only guy I dated who had this happen it wasn't porn death grip or anything- he had MS

I even had a boyfriend when he was 17 and me 16 with impotence. It was due to unrelated profound psychological issues- he was messed up basically.

He probably watches too much porn. Honestly don't over fixate on this - his orgasm is up to him. But make him feel welcome to use his own hand to finish off.
Do you orgasm when you have sex with him? Every time?

Exactly. At 23 I was having the best sex ever. Never knew that at some point men may have problems. Or I would have problems. You are meant to be having fun not putting up.