To shave or not to shave?

[scottypippen]

I've NC for this. I have met a new man it's early days and we are getting to know each other all is going well so far. sounds silly but I'm quite anxious about when it comes to the point of taking things further. Will he expect me to be fully shaven down below or is it still acceptable to have a "landing strip" which I prefer I really dont like to be fully shaven or the faff of doing it. I've not been intimate with a man for a long time. Do most women fully remove pubic hair now and do men expect to see women fully shaved?

Yes @Smallbirdgreengrass I understand the issue surrounding it, but where does that leave us women who actually do it for ourselves?! Are we seen as supporting the sexism?! Should we not shave in order to fight the patriarchy, which feels like another form of control!
I have no issues with whatever anyone chooses to do with their body, providing it is a choice they make for themselves. No, women shouldn't shave because it is seen as desirable by men, or because they think the alternative is unclean etc (I know full well that it isn't). But those of us that chose to also shouldn't feel vilified for our choice either.

I don't think anyone does vilify you @OrlandointheWilderness - it's literally what everyone is saying - do it for you, and only you.

Spot on @Bearpawk

Anecdote - when I got divorced mid forties, I went on a bit of a dating and shagging spree for a few years. Rather enjoyed myself with rather a lot of men. (Relevant as I have a reasonably sized data collection). Without any exceptions, every single man who 'expected' me to be hairless was also an arsehole, and the type of man who (having now learnt to love myself first) i would absolutely rather be single than date.

You call it sexism, I call it getting up with the competition.

It's what I call "tit theory". I have a very low cut dress that I wear sometimes when we go out. My boobs aren't massive, but the dress does a good job IYSWIM. Now, I could say that ALL the men who glance at my cleavage (including DH) are sexist, misogynistic arseholes, and that as a woman I should be able to wear whatever I like without being treated as a piece of cheap eye candy by predatory "men".

But, I don't wear that dress because I want men to look at my shoes!

I know EXACTLY the looks I will get, even from some women too.

The OP could choose not to shave, but then she shouldn't be surprised if her guy is surprised by her not shaving.

Fair enough @onefinemess,I guess it depends entirely on how much you want a relationship with the type of man who would expect this. I wouldn't. Others would.

Surely a distinction needs to be made between a preference and an expectation or demand? We all have preferences in what we find attractive and to various degrees moderate our dating pools to try and accommodate that. Obviously the dilemma here is that you don't see someones pubic hair regime when you first meet on a date.

I have seen on here women state that they prefer a man to be trimmed and in some cases completely shaved and 'not look like a bog brush'. Nothing wrong with that preference so long as they don't start demanding that the bloke gets the clippers out the first time they get naked. A bloke might prefer full brazilian but he would be a bit of twat if he started to demand it as a condition of the relationship continuing.

No one is vilifying you.

I do object to the culture which is presenting women with this choice.

I am interested in thinking about the reasons why women make these choices. And it’s very clear whenever these threads come up how strong the pressures are on women to make these choices. The fact that many now see pubic hair as disgusting ( an entirely cultural creation obviously), and yes, I do see statements like ‘ the thought of touching my pubic hair makes me heave’ as a very clear indication of pubic hair being seen as disgusting. The very clear statements from women that men will expect it, and women should expect to be rejected sexually if they don’t. The statement from women of the pain and discomfort and cost to them of meeting these supposed sexual requirements from men.

All women are making choices in this context and none are free from it. It’s not a judgement on any women but on the misogynistic culture that has created these expectations and demands on women and caused them to internalize disgust against their own bodies.

Gash.

Any better for you @Naunet?

But the expectation to wax pubes (and the pain and cost that goes with it) is solely for women.

That may have been true in the past, but it isn’t now.

@Smallbirdgreengrass the thought does make me heave - simply because I don't like the way it feels! 😂 I find it uncomfortable and slightly irritating. It's not disgust, it's more akin to hearing nails on a blackboard sort of feeling!

I don’t think shaving your bits should be compared to the effort you make going to an interview. It’s a completely different scenario. Our bodies are up to us to decide what to do with. It’s definitely not expected and from my own experience men love that I have a bit of hair. If a guy complained then on I move. That’s life. Some like it, some don’t. I won’t shave because some guys expect it. It’s not about not making an effort it’s personal preference on our body not comparable to going to an interview. Pretty skewed view there!!

Very well said 👏 👍 👌

And not having body hair doesn't for a single second make them look like children.

Your post was weird and so is your thought process.

Tbf unless yours looks like a kebab, then PP has a fair point

My husband never knows what he's going to find down there. He's not bothered.

I imagine if your date has a preference, it would be more full bush or not, instead of landing strip or bald.

My choice is all shaved off. I do not like hair on my body so I shave everything off. I have never asked DP's thought process on it as this is who I am and have always been ever since my 20's.

I have not nor will remove anything unless the person doing it is medically trained, no chance just for looks

I meant the people who pretty much generalised OPs dilemma to everyone

I agree that changing one's grooming habits for a new partner is not the best idea, but lets not make it into more than it is - ie conversation about preferences regarding pubic hair

What an amazing message - women, be compliant and submit to the demands of a man, or he might not want you. His preference over your body, matters more than yours does. 🙄 It’s almost like you think women have no agency and we should just be grateful to any man who blesses us with his attention?! That’s how people end up in abusive relationships.

Instead, as a woman, decide what YOU want from a man, what your expectations are (maybe that he’s not a porn sick misogynist for example) and don’t entertain men who don’t meet your bar.

no chance just for looks

But feel would be OK?

I shave because my husband prefers it. That is my choice.

My husband shaves his face because I prefer it. His choice. He wouldn’t if he was single.

I don't shave. Sometimes I'm lazy full on 70s bush. Sometimes I'll tidy up a smidge if I'm going on holiday or swimming. Litterally just where my pubes'll poke out. I feel life is too short for an uncomfortable shaving rash.

Why do you consider it ‘lazy’? It’s perfect normal and natural.

Don’t do it for him. It’s only a small thing, a couple of cm2 of hair to your usual, but you’ll feel better being yourself IMO.

Dear oh dear oh dear, are you from a parallel universe, where people talk absolute nonsense?

Its not "the norm" though.

Some do, some don't

Totally agree

It's ok for him to have a preference, it's not ok for him to dictate what you do with your pubic hair

It's not even him, though, he's not rv3n been south of the border to have an opinion.....

You like a landing strip, you have a landing strip, why are you even worrying

So long as you're clean, then thats all that is important