My husband came home with a hickey.

[julieud]

Hi girls!
Long story short: my husband went to a strop club with his friends during a trip abroad and got a hickey. He says he was very drunk and doesn’t remember anything but claims he didnt have sex. I don’t know if I believe him. Could u guys share your honest opinion? Is there any chances he didnt have sex even getting the hickey?
thank you❤️

I'm putting your naivete aside (for you) and will put this to you rationally.
HE CHEATED ON YOU.

Another thread that strains credulity

Do think this is fake?
Well I hope it is because seriously 😕

but I am really trying to put my feelings aside and see the situation rationally.

Why? What's wrong with your feelings? Why does your gut instinct and its response need to be put aside so your brain can partake in some intellectual gymnastics? Is that going to change what he's known to have done?

He's desperately hurt you, broken your life together (unless you told him he has a pass for a lap dance) and forever altered your kids' life, because he couldn't not have a scantily clad woman gyrating over him and whatever was involved in the hickey, which you know wasn't innocent or he'd not have searched what he did.

It fucking hurts and you've every single right to go ballistic.

He's compartmentalised you and treated you like shit. Don't compartmentalise yourself, disrespecting what you feel.

Saying that, do put your feelings aside temporarily when thinking about what you want to do next. Either you stay together or not. If not, you do need a rational hat on to figure that out.

The rest of the time, listen to what you feel and want. He's certainly not doing that, so if you don't, nobody is.

I once ended up with something that looked a bit like a hickey on my neck - it was some kind of allergy or something. It wasn't a hickey at all not being keen on people with rather vampirish tendencies. Are you sure it is a hickey? I don't think prostitutes or strippers would be leaving hickeys on people - they have enough to put up with without sucking on people's necks.

My husband came home with a hickey/love bite but it might be a random non-sexual one, he is looking up how to get rid of hickey, he also went to a strip club, oh and had a lap dance from a stripper, and he says he was drunk and cant remember everything... dear reader what is your opinion?

All with little emotion other than "bastard" and no next intentions.

Taking whole thing with pinch of salt and like you Bubbly hoping no-one is this daft/naive

Strippers don't give hickeys or kisses or anything of that nature, thay would be very safe, even prostitutes don't usually... They tend to do the sex and that is it. Hickeys is quite a pationate thing..

@Mothership4two
You addressing me?
Op stated she was naive herself.

Hickeys is quite a passionate thing.

Maybe it was one of the 'friends'?

@Mothership4two
Woah,forgive me!
I didn't read your whole post.
Yes!
It's incredibly sad/ridiculous if this is true.
As women,we have to have more respect for ourselves.
Again, oops☺️

Could have worded it better 'Like you' as in I agree with you. Meant I second your opinion -and hoping fake

Op stated she was naive herself - which doesn't make me believe them more

Sorry cross posted

Lap dancers/strippers in clubs do not give hickeys. They have pretty strict no touchy-touchy rules and that goes both ways.

So he paid for a private dance where she broke the rules.
He paid for sex.
He met someone and snogged them and got it then.
He met someone and had sex.

It is all irrelevant though if your boundary is 'no strip clubs'.

Kick him out, move on, find someone less vile.

I appreciate every comment. And no, this is not a fake. I sank into a state of denial. Maybe bc he ended up becoming the center of my life. I left my country to live with him in Scandinavia, I started my life from zero. I asked family and friends for advice and all they did was trying me to stay with him. But I never settled. In a certain kind of way I am fighting for myself.
I will leave him as soon as I have enough money and I will never allow myself to fall for someone like that again. Bc the pain I have been feeling kills me.
Once again, thank you all!

I’m really sorry OP ☹️ I mean it’s possible he didn’t sleep with someone else but it’s kinda immaterial if he’s crossed a boundary you had in place and then lied about it. And yes, agree with what the other people have said - there’s no way he got a hickey in a “reputable” strip club.

If he can’t remember anything how does he know he didn’t have sex with someone???

Ah, that right. Because he does remember and thinks he can treat you as if you’re an idiot.

He’s hooked up with a strange woman - does it matter whether it was actual sex or a kissing session that was so passionate that it resulted in a bucket he couldn’t hide?

He’s telling you the strip club story because he thinks it’s more likely you’ll let him get away with it. If there wasn’t any physical evidence, he wouldn’t be saying a word to you about his cheating.

Tbh I'd be asking him to get a sti test, seeing the results and then moving him out over the lap dance. I would get yourself tested as well just to be safe.

I dont think do. When I was young and stupid we used to give friends forced hwhen drunk to embarass them the next day and thought it was hilarious. No professional would give a client a hickey. I remember coming across my husband passed out drunk in a hot tub once totally unaware two women were messing with his underpants, all high jinks. He had no memory of it the next day. This is why I really hate these drunken stag dos. I doubt your husband would have been sober enough to get it up.

I just read you are Scandinavian OP. You are probably not used to the drinking culture over here. I find men in the UK drink much more than our European cousins. I've lived in various European countries and there just doesn't seem to be this sort of problem over there. I've got to say I cannot bear groups of drunk men.

but I am really trying to put my feelings aside and see the situation rationally

Your feelings are rational.

You'd think that, knowing the sacrifice you made to be with him, he'd respect that if nothing else. But men like him feel safer behaving like this in that situation because they know how hard it will be for you to leave them.

You know he went to a strip club and you know he had a private dance. Those are already unacceptable to ypu (as they would be to me). How he got the love bite is almost irrelevant. Don't let him talk you round because that will just give him the confidence to do it again. He won't feel guilty/remorseful and vow to never do it again. Or he wouldn't have done it in the first place.

It’s a whole heap of rubbish that strippers have a no touching rule! Sorry! I know this from experience of working in some “reputable” gentlemen’s clubs in the past.

That’s in England. Rules are even looser in Europe.

Strippers can and do touch the men. The rules are that the men aren’t supposed to touch the women.

If men are having a private dance then it’s most likely that the dancer’s breasts and vulva will be touching the man…face…nose etc. Beautiful hey.

He may have got the live bite from a stripper.
He may have paid the stripper to go further/sleep with him. Yep. It happens.
He may have hired an escort.
He may have met someone and had a one night stand.
He may have slipped and landed on Henry the Hoover.

Whatever the cause of the love bite is pretty much irrelevant because he’s disrespectful, lying and likely cheating.

You…Deserve….BETTER!!!!!

Sorry for you OP. Courage, and stay strong!

I am thinking he messed around/cheated and the OW gave him the hickey, knowing he couldn't hide it. Basically, she was telling on the NAADH (not at all DH) and sending "home" the proof.

OP--you deserve better. Do not wait until you have "saved up enough money" because he will either love-bomb you or you will start to slowly sink into a "well, it's not that bad. He could have done worse" mode of living.

Make him pay for you to return to your family. Half of what is in the savings/checking/whatever, is yours. Use it.

I always find it amazing how men suddenly 'can't remember' things that they know would cause their partner a huge amount of distress.

They can never remember things as significant as getting a hickey (or kissing someone, or sleeping with someone).

Funny how its always these big, massive, flashing red light moments that they can never remember the details of. Always trotted out as "I can't quite remember, I must have been soooooooooo drunk. But I remember what I DIDN'T do, and I remember Mick had the chicken wings that night and I got a cab home with Ben and Jerry, so all is good. Its just that massive significant moment that would make you mad at me that has slipped right out of brain".

It must be horrendous forgetting these things which could clear all the heartache up in a moment, as you know, because they couldn't possibly have done the thing you are thinking they have definitely done.
Poor loves. Imagine living with that type of amnesia.

I'm going to hazard a guess though....

He remembers very fucking clearly how he got it.

He just does not want to tell you.

I'm sorry. Another shit man exposed.
Even without the hickey he has paid to be face deep in another womans fanny. I imagine if you asked him about that he wouldn't be able to 'remember' all the sordid details of that either. Just the bits he thinks he can get away with telling you about.