It’s been 4 years since I left my ex. To me he was abusive. I have moved on and happy in a relationship. I’ve worked through a lot but I’ve just got this one feeling I can’t shift.
The relationship was awful. I can’t decided what happened really other then he had a view of what he wanted, I wasn’t filling it so he treated me crap, like I wasn’t worth being kind or helping me with anything.
He drank and he was aggressive when drunk, he couldn’t control his temper and he smoked weed and wouldn’t stop. He never helped me at home, cleaning was all my responsibility. He promised so many times but he would always come back and say my behaviour led him to need those things because I didn’t love him enough. It was true because I often resented him. For treating me so badly, shouting at me etc etc. I guess it sounds pretty co-dependant. When I left he begged me not to go, would go to therapy etc etc but he had a decade to do something and he never changed. In the end I just didn’t want to be part of it anymore. I couldn’t work after a couple of years became I was just so anxious all the time. I walked on egg shells, I felt so worthless. He treated me like a second class citizen and said I brought nothing into the relationship. So why didn’t he just leave me? I was the one to leave.
So he has moved on and he has stopped all those things he did. Doesn’t drink or smoke and doesn’t shout and put her down. She works and I suppose contributes more. She fulfils his needs much better then I did. But then he doesn’t treat her like he did me. We share a daughter and she tells me these things. Let’s just say it is true. Why has he stopped for her but didn’t for me? I can’t help but think I was the reason to blame. I made him feel unloved and so he took to other things to numb the feeling. The only thing was he wasn’t nice. He never once considered my feelings. My agenda in life was not soley him and his needs I had my own and my own issues etc. He just seemed to stop seeing any worth in me. Unless I was fulfilling what he wanted.