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Original poster

New man I’m dating and weed use

92 replies

Adviceneeded45 · 08/06/2023 19:16

I met a new man online 2 months ago, he admitted he smokes weed every evening. I have made it clear that I am not into any drugs at all. He has said he intends to come off it and it was his plan this year to cut it way back. I’ve called it off because I found myself getting feelings for him.
he has asked me to give him 6 months to come off it, he says he can’t commit to coming off it in a few days time but he will get the wheels in motion to start making changes.
he’s asked that we continue to see eachother and is happy to take things super slow while he makes these changes.
he is a very nice man, professional, kind, caring from what I know so far. He does have anxiety and uses the weed for that, he only started smoking weed in his 30s and said no one would know he even does it.
should I give this a chance?

OP posts:
PrincessMyshkin · 08/06/2023 19:23

I wouldn't tbh. He's got an excuse/ reason for using that I think he will end up citing as the reason he will stay on it. If he's saying itll take 6 months to stop then that's a pretty strongly rooted habit also it feels a bit like kicking it down the road. I would be very put off by someone smoking cigarettes not to mention weed so it's fine to have this boundary. I'd keep looking rather than wait for this man to change.

Maray1967 · 08/06/2023 19:25

Not a chance.

Ragwort · 08/06/2023 19:26

No.

Tell him to get back in touch when (if) he's given up .... he won't.

TUCKINGFYP0 · 08/06/2023 19:29

You’re a person who is not into drugs. Then you meet a man who says he takes drugs daily so then you decide to date him.

Then you decide to call it off but he’s trying to persuade you to keep dating him. So you are not sure what to do Hmm.

Seriously ? Are you 15 ? Get a grip. Or a lot of grips.

You don’t exactly have the courage of your convictions , do you ? Clearly your “ no thanks “ means “ ok then if you want “.

KnownByAssociation · 08/06/2023 19:31

After wasting 7 years of my life on a weed addict, trust me... run for the hills 🚩

MoveOnTheCards · 08/06/2023 19:32

Bleugh. Bet everyone knows, he’ll reek of it if he smokes every day.

Avoid this one.

LBFseBrom · 08/06/2023 19:46

I don't see the harm if your guy only smokes it in the evening. Presumably some evenings he is not at home so it's not every night and not when he is with you. He probably has it to wind down before bed. I doubt you'd think anything of it if he had a brandy or two at night.

AnnaKareninnit · 08/06/2023 19:48

Just why would you? There are a million men out there who would also be good partners for you, but who aren't weed users.

FatherJoseFernandez · 08/06/2023 19:55

It would be an absolute no from me. It’s not just the smell of smoke on his clothes and in his house but the effect it has on him when he’s under the influence. He’ll still be under the influence the next day if he drives. He risks losing his licence if stopped and tested with a drug wipe. It’s the seediness of the buying it from a dealer and the possibility of it being a gateway drug for others. Did he say why he smokes it? Can he go a day without it? I’m guessing he’s using it to address some issues he has within himself.

Somanysocks · 08/06/2023 19:55

Of course people know he smokes weed, it stinks. Anxiety is not helped by smoking weed, it makes it worse.

Tell him to contact you once he has actually given up, stoners are tedious.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 08/06/2023 19:56

Do some research on the behaviour of an adult who uses weed...
Then run.

Florissant · 08/06/2023 19:58

Massive red flag.

User135644 · 08/06/2023 20:00

Report him to the police. Cannabis is not a legal substance, you're an accessory.

Suprima · 08/06/2023 20:04

You’re also giving off serious, desperate ‘I can fix you vibes!’ by hanging around which isn’t great.

Why does he need to stop weed? You’re still here, still emotionally invested, still posting about him on a message board.

What does ‘taking things slow’ mean? You’re presumably shagging him- again, so why does he need to stop?

if weed isn’t a goer for you- you bin him off and he crawls back if he kicks the habit. I honestly don’t know why you are playing Florence nightingale here

Takemyselfdancing · 08/06/2023 20:08

Nope.

His whole house will smell for a start and then you will as well.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2023 20:08

I have made it clear that I am not into any drugs at all.

Yet two fucking months later, here you are. That's two months of your life you'll never, ever get back.

Why are you pretending to have boundaries when you clearly don't? You'll only have yourself to blame in a year's time when you come back to MN to complain he's still a druggie loser.

ladygindiva · 08/06/2023 20:09

KnownByAssociation · 08/06/2023 19:31

After wasting 7 years of my life on a weed addict, trust me... run for the hills 🚩

Echo this

SweetAndSourChick3n · 08/06/2023 20:19

Run away. He won't change.

Dacadactyl · 08/06/2023 20:22

I wouldn't give him a chance, no.

By his 30s he should be well aware of the evils of the drugs trade and I'd lose all respect for him.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 08/06/2023 20:23

Nope. Tell him to get in touch when he's six months clean.

Thisisbollocksmark · 08/06/2023 20:26

User135644 · 08/06/2023 20:00

Report him to the police. Cannabis is not a legal substance, you're an accessory.

An accessory? How???

It wouldn't bother me personally, OP. Millions of people pour wine down their beak every evening.

MyMachineAndMe · 08/06/2023 20:26

LBFseBrom · 08/06/2023 19:46

I don't see the harm if your guy only smokes it in the evening. Presumably some evenings he is not at home so it's not every night and not when he is with you. He probably has it to wind down before bed. I doubt you'd think anything of it if he had a brandy or two at night.

This^^

Cocopogo · 08/06/2023 20:30

Nope. If he had any feelings for you whatsoever he would just stop instantly. The 6 month thing is odd. Why would it take someone 6 months to not light a joint?
You know what you need to do. Block and delete and move on.

Midsummernightmare · 08/06/2023 20:52

Big no from me. Wouldn’t waste my time with anyone who was dependant on any kind of substance, legal or not.

Opaque11 · 08/06/2023 20:55

I wouldn't even go near a smoker, so this wouldn't even get a glance from me. As everyone else said, run.

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