Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New man I’m dating and weed use

92 replies

Adviceneeded45 · 08/06/2023 19:16

I met a new man online 2 months ago, he admitted he smokes weed every evening. I have made it clear that I am not into any drugs at all. He has said he intends to come off it and it was his plan this year to cut it way back. I’ve called it off because I found myself getting feelings for him.
he has asked me to give him 6 months to come off it, he says he can’t commit to coming off it in a few days time but he will get the wheels in motion to start making changes.
he’s asked that we continue to see eachother and is happy to take things super slow while he makes these changes.
he is a very nice man, professional, kind, caring from what I know so far. He does have anxiety and uses the weed for that, he only started smoking weed in his 30s and said no one would know he even does it.
should I give this a chance?

OP posts:
TourmalineGiraffe · 08/06/2023 20:56

Absolutely run away.
I guarantee he will not stop, you will be in the humiliating position of listening to his excuses in two, five, ten years.
Boring, predictable and a waste of your life.

Florissant · 08/06/2023 21:00

If he needs six months to stop, he's an addict.

samestyle · 08/06/2023 21:01

You can't just go and change someone, why did you choose him in the first place?
I also wouldn't put much trust in him taking it slow while he weens himself off, he will take advantage of using you casually and still carry on smoking it. Keep to your standards and don't lower them, it's never worth it.

Johnisafckface · 08/06/2023 21:03

KnownByAssociation · 08/06/2023 19:31

After wasting 7 years of my life on a weed addict, trust me... run for the hills 🚩

This. I found out after I started dating an ex boyfriend that he was a weed smoker. I wasn't ecstatic about it, but he didn't seem to smoke very often and I really liked him so i let it go. However over time he got so addicted that he couldn't focus on work and first thing in the morning he would be fiending for a hit. It was very unattractive and annoying.

TheSilveryPussycat · 08/06/2023 21:04

What is he like when stoned? Chilled or idiotic? Or for some people it overcomes inertia and helps them.

KCisthenewQC · 08/06/2023 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tipster100 · 08/06/2023 21:09

I absolutely think he CAN change. But I don't think he can change for you. He has to make that decision for himself and be much further down the line. Right now he's highly addicted and not sure if he is able to stop. But if he likes you that much then maybe he will. I did for my partner but I was already in the process of doing so. And it really helped me that my partner wasn't interested in that lifestyle.

AspiringChatBot · 08/06/2023 21:58

You barely know him, and whatever relationship there ever could be hasn't even started, so I'd say let this one go without a qualm. If there were a relationship worth saving and you were convinced to give him a try, I'd say make absolutely sure he's arranged and committed to get all of the outside help he needs to quit. If he wanted to quit and was capable of doing so on his own, he'd have already done it.

AutisticLegoLover · 08/06/2023 22:04

Nothing quite as sexy as a drug addict OP! Your self esteem must be lower than his attractiveness level if you are even considering giving him a chance. I recommend some therapy to work out why you think he's a good catch and why his need for weed is more important than your very low standards.

doitwithlove · 08/06/2023 22:12

Firstly it is a vile habit, causes anxiety to increase and cost money.

I would be running the other way from him.

Florissant · 08/06/2023 22:13

Growing marijuana is terrible for the environment, too.

Elle200 · 08/06/2023 22:16

Nope, he'll just drag you down to his level.

newyearsresolurion · 08/06/2023 22:27

Nope 👎🏾

LakeTiticaca · 08/06/2023 22:35

I wouldn't. Weed stinks. You can smell a regular weed smoker from a mile away

mummabubs · 08/06/2023 22:47

Been there OP, never again. Expect his priorities to be making sure he's got weed for his nightly smoke (my ex spent a lot of time contacting and driving to meet with dealers). I think the best thing to compare it to is if this bloke said he has a bottle of wine a night, how would you view him? He will be addicted to both the weed and the nicotine at some level, neither are appealing in my book.

RoxyMuzak · 08/06/2023 22:55

Cocopogo · 08/06/2023 20:30

Nope. If he had any feelings for you whatsoever he would just stop instantly. The 6 month thing is odd. Why would it take someone 6 months to not light a joint?
You know what you need to do. Block and delete and move on.

I have a relative who smoked dope from age 16 to 46 then stopped. Just like that. He said he had unusually vivid dreams for a month or two.

WunWun · 08/06/2023 22:59

He will never give it up.

Ilovetea42 · 08/06/2023 23:05

Personally I wouldn't. I don't judge anyone for using but equally it's not something I'd want to be around on a regular basis because it wouldn't align with my lifestyle. I think if he wanted to cut back he would, I don't think it's a good idea to set yourself up as his 'reason' especially so early on. Hopefully in the future he reaches his goal and is in a good place with it but I wouldn't be holding my breath and putting my own life on hold in the meantime. There are lots of great guys out there you just need to hold your boundaries.

KatyKopykat · 08/06/2023 23:06

Yuck. How skanky. He's someone you've known less time than some stuff you can keep in your fridge, chuck this one back.

user1497207191 · 08/06/2023 23:12

Thisisbollocksmark · 08/06/2023 20:26

An accessory? How???

It wouldn't bother me personally, OP. Millions of people pour wine down their beak every evening.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t date someone with a drink problem like that either.

Turkey18 · 08/06/2023 23:21

He won't give it up.

BreaktheCycle · 08/06/2023 23:23

Only two months in - Next!
This man and his drug habit will bring nothing but pure chaos to your life. I’ve been there with a parent since my teens. I had to go LC and had long periods of NC with them for years because of it.

LBFseBrom · 08/06/2023 23:25

Florissant · 08/06/2023 22:13

Growing marijuana is terrible for the environment, too.

Farming marijuana by removing grasslands and forestation is bad for the environment but growing a bit here in the UK in a greenhouse or similar isn't.

To whoever said about being addicted to the nicotine in tobacco, it can be used without tobacco, eg in a bong.

GentlemanJay · 08/06/2023 23:32

See you later alligator!

LBFseBrom · 08/06/2023 23:32

RoxyMuzak · 08/06/2023 22:55

I have a relative who smoked dope from age 16 to 46 then stopped. Just like that. He said he had unusually vivid dreams for a month or two.

Show quote history

Yes, it's easy to give up the dope, not easy to give up tobacco though where there's a will there's a way. People often do get to the point in life where they really want to give up smoking tobacco, maybe because they cough a lot, their resistance to respiratory infections is low, perhaps their gums are bad, blood pressure up, etc, and then they will, feeling much better fairly quickly. Some don't want to of course, they think what the hell I've gotta die of something. However, smoking a joint is a different matter.