Sorry if this is long but god I need to get this off my chest!
Been seeing someone casually for the last 3-4 months. I’ve actually known him for 8 years through friends, but never fancied him before now. We’ve gone to the same gym for the last few years but it’s never been more than a ‘Hi, how are you?’ and the odd chat about work etc. However, earlier this year we started speaking more. He then started to chase me romantically and at first, I really wasn’t interested and tried to keep it platonic. But after a while, I realised I did actually like him, so we started to meet up. Went on a couple of dates and regularly met at his house. I ended up doing a total 180 from not being interested in him at all, to becoming infatuated with him!
After the very first time we slept together, I noticed that he stopped saying all of the nice things (e.g. ‘Morning beautiful’ texts and telling me how amazing/different I am). Sometimes, he would go a few days with no contact at all. This would eat me up and I would wonder if it was over, until I would see him at the gym and then it would start up again. Rinse and repeat. This has happened a good 2-3 times since we’ve been seeing each other, and left me feeling horrifically low when I didn’t hear from him.
A couple of weeks ago, he went away for a week to visit friends. We met up before he left and slept together, had a really nice evening. However, I just knew in my gut that this trip would change things. He messaged me when he landed and for the first morning he was there, and then……. Nothing for the rest of the week. I drove myself mad that week, wondering what he was up to and who with, but I didn’t contact him on principle.
When he got back to the UK, I still didn’t hear from him. Then I went to the gym as normal on Monday morning, he was there and he completely ignored me. As in TOTALLY blanked me. At one point, I was in one area doing my exercise and he actually came and stood 2 metres away from me to do his exercise and said absolutely nothing. Did not even look at me or say hi. It took all my strength to hold it together, I couldn’t believe his nerve.
All week, he has continued to ignore me. I haven’t had any messages from him, and I haven’t messaged him either. This morning, he left the gym at the same time as me. We walked outside together and I asked if we could talk. He agreed that we definitely needed to talk. Turns out he met someone whilst he was away. He only met her on his first night and then she flew home (she doesn’t live in the UK) but he wants to see what happens with her. Obviously I was absolutely crushed, even though I knew it was coming. I tried SO hard to maintain some self-respect/dignity and just thanked him for telling me. I ended up walking away from him as I knew I was going to burst into tears and just cried all the way home.
I messaged him a few hours later once I had had a chance to process it, and said I had a couple of things I wanted to say before drawing a line in the sand and moving on (I couldn’t get my words out when I spoke to him in person). He said he’s happy to discuss on the phone at some point. Although I’ve just left it there, I cant even bear to reply to him and I don’t think I will. I’ve muted him on social media so that I cant see his posts anymore. Annoyingly I will still see him at the gym but I can’t go any other time of day, nor is there another one close to me and I refuse to stop doing my hobby because of him. Rest assured I will not be speaking to him or even looking at him.
Sorry, I’m just venting as this really stings. I’m trying to think of all the negatives about him (aside from the blowing hot & cold with me) – the big one being that he is late 40’s and I am early 30’s, and one day I would really like another child. If I was with him, its unlikely this would happen and I don’t know if I want to give up that dream. He is also quite materialistic and self-obsessed in that he talks about himself & his own business A LOT. He also usually goes for the ‘insta-model’ type girls who are a lot younger than him (and me!), so if I was ever in a proper relationship with him I know I would feel hideously insecure.
The last few months have been such a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I’ve been struggling to concentrate at work and I know I need to sort it out. I need to stop letting him have this much power over me. I know I don’t love him, I know its lust, and I also know from experience that I will get over it and feel better, but fuck it hurts right now.
Please throw some words of wisdom my way as I desperately need to hear them! Just keep torturing myself of how he’s saying all the lovely things to her he once said to me, which I know is bloody irrational. Feeling so crap about myself right now, although I definitely feel better for writing this down.