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Original poster

Fair division of financial responsibility

78 replies

ShutUpMegx · 06/06/2023 21:38

So DP and I both work and I study.
I bring home £10000 SAAS nursing grant from my nursing degree which is full time, a year and around £2000 from nurse bankwork per year.
DP works 30 hours and brings home around £16000 a year.
we also get some UC between us.
our household bills come to approx £1300 per month, plus £1000 for food.
DP pays me £600 a month towards bills and will buy milk/ bread etc if we need it and fuels his own car.
I cover some of the weekly shop and fuel my own car.
the UC pays the rest of the food shopping and the nursery bills and I have around £200 a month left as a buffer which I save for my car insurance/ Christmas/ uniforms/ haircuts etc.
DH has around £500 a month spare which he pays £100 off debt. Leaving £300. But he never has money at the end of the month as he buys junk food, shit off Amazon, ‘treats’ that none of us need or want.
mom so annoyed as I account for every penny of what I spend. Should I be asking for an extra £100 from him for bills so we are at least closer to 50/50, especially as he earns more than me?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 06/06/2023 21:40

Leaving £400 sorry- crappy maths.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 06/06/2023 21:42

Sorry im not answering your question cos we dont split finances in our house, but how many people is that food bill for? Its astronomical unless there are about 7 of you.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 06/06/2023 21:44

What are you eating?!

Suprima · 06/06/2023 21:45

He pisses his spare money away whilst you save for Christmas and school uniforms?

i’d be asking him for child maintenance and telling him to fuck off, not an extra £100.

TheFlis12345 · 06/06/2023 21:50

£1000 a month for food?!? Please tell me that’s a typo?

GoalShooter · 06/06/2023 21:54

Yes you should - it's not fair at the moment.

Soontobe60 · 06/06/2023 21:59

Is he the dad of your dc? UC is treating you as a couple, so I’d say you need to treat all income as joint income. But yes, that food bill is massive! We spend £100 a week on food and we eat well.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 06/06/2023 22:06

Not fair, you'd be better off without him around. He should be paying more than you as he proportionally earns more. And once you finish your training you will be much better off than him. So see how he reacts to you asking him to be fairer, and make sure you return the favour.

pukepoint3 · 06/06/2023 22:09

£1000 for food?!

Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 06/06/2023 22:09

There are 9 of us

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 06/06/2023 22:12

Well that explains the grand a month food bill!

pukepoint3 · 06/06/2023 22:13

Why is he on such a low salary?

Can he not work full time?

Codlingmoths · 06/06/2023 22:13

Suprima · 06/06/2023 21:45

He pisses his spare money away whilst you save for Christmas and school uniforms?

i’d be asking him for child maintenance and telling him to fuck off, not an extra £100.

This. He’s not actually responsible for his family. You are and he’s just a participant and I wouldn’t be able to cope with seeing him every day in my house knowing he thinks he is an equal partner

Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 06/06/2023 22:13

Food shop is for 9 people in total, so works out around £25 a week per person which I though was pretty good

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 06/06/2023 23:49

Who are the 9 people? How old are the children and whose are they?

Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 01:04

Two adults and 7 children, 5 mine and two his biologically. Not that the biology matters really as I just see all of them as ‘ours’.

OP posts:
AlyssaHasAChaaaaild · 07/06/2023 01:09

The way we go about this is to add up all the monthly income and regular monthly spending, including clothes and essentials for the kids and split the remainder.

What is left over is then split 50/50 between you and you can both spend as you wish. Ideally a bit will also go in joint savings for emergencies.

But fundamentally once all essentials are covered you should both share what is left equally.

HerMammy · 07/06/2023 01:10

With 7 kids he shouldn't be pissing £400pm away whilst you scrimp
to afford xmas etc

Simonjt · 07/06/2023 05:47

HerMammy · 07/06/2023 01:10

With 7 kids he shouldn't be pissing £400pm away whilst you scrimp
to afford xmas etc

To be fair he only has two children

Silvergoldandglitter · 07/06/2023 06:41

Why is his salary so low and why is he working part time? You have 7 children between you and neither of you have a full time job.

Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 06:42

So maybe it is fair then as most of the children are biologically mine and not his.
should we therefore split all the costs for the children accordingly? Ie: should I only pay for my children’s Christmas gifts and tell him he needs to buy for his? Same with birthdays, school uniforms etc as currently I pay for that for all the school kids. Just by what you are saying Hermammy

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 06:45

Silvergoldandglitter · 07/06/2023 06:41

Why is his salary so low and why is he working part time? You have 7 children between you and neither of you have a full time job.

He dropped to 30 hours to get fixed contract at work and the plan was he would pick up overtime like I pickup the extra shifts but he now refuses to do that and says they will ‘screw him over’ for money if he does overtime as in the past they have messed up his timesheets and he didn’t get paid

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 06:47

ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 06:45

He dropped to 30 hours to get fixed contract at work and the plan was he would pick up overtime like I pickup the extra shifts but he now refuses to do that and says they will ‘screw him over’ for money if he does overtime as in the past they have messed up his timesheets and he didn’t get paid

Show quote history

And nursing degrees are a full time job, my placements are 40 hour weeks with all my assignments on top. It doesn’t pay well right now but in a year I will have graduated and can practice as a nurse full time.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 07/06/2023 09:33

I can't imagine watching my partner struggle financially in a role like yours while having £300-400 a month to spend on myself and not working full time.

He sounds like a bit of a wanker tbh OP.

Original poster
ShutUpMegx · 07/06/2023 17:35

I know it’s not healthy to be like this, so the two school of thought seem to be

  1. he’s needs to work more and contribute more.
  2. as most of the kids are not his, he shouldn’t be paying half.
I now feel guilty for resenting him having the extra money. im even more confused and upset now :-(
OP posts:
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