Found old love message between DP and his ex wife

[Lotusflower83]

Hi All,

First time poster so please bear with me.

I have been with my DP nearly 7 years, and yesterday for some stupid reason I gone through his phone while he was on a ride with my 2 DD at ( they are mine from previous marriage). I saw all the message from 2 years ago saying they love each other always, how they re live all their memories through text messages, she said how she wish she could go back and time and start again.

i felt sick reading all that messages, I felt betrayed by him. I feel like I have lived in a big massive lie all these years but I don’t know how to move forward.

Until yesterday, I thought i have an amazing relationship, he was everything i wanted and more, my children love and adore him. My friends thought highly of him. We planned our retirement in 10 years when both of my children are in their 20s.

My mum is coming for a month Visit ( she lives the other side of the world) and it will be the first time she meet him in person.

i have been struggling all night crying my heart out and not knowing what to do. What can i tell my children, i broke their happy home once since I could not copped living with their dad. I can’t bring myself to do it again to them. I am worried the impact it will have on them this time since they are much older and understand more and more importantly the bond they have with him is unreal.

I don’t know how to tell my Mum as the last thing i want to do to my sick mother is making her worry about me. I hidden my divorce 3 years before i told my parents about it.

i have confronted him last night and he didn’t think he has done anything wrong because it was 2 years old messages and that he has very minimal contact with his ex wife these day.

His reaction last night shocked me more than anything, he said that he care for her as she is used to be someone he was married to, blah blah but he failed to mentioned that he care for my feelings. He said i read thing out of context, while English isn’t my first language i am pretty sure “I love you always” mean pretty much that.

AIBU to feel betrayed and upset? How can we move on from this? Sorry for long post but I just want to get this off my chest. I can’t tell my friends or family just yet until I decide what to do.

Really? 2 years ago was 5 years into their relationship and you don’t think it’s an issue?

Dear OP my heart is with you. No matter what you do or do not do, I know that this will haunt you forever. The questions with no answers do not go away, they become monsters, nightmares, they become shapeshifters, you see them everywhere. Posts like these make me so angry. First, partners who dismiss your concerns, laugh at you, minimize and gaslight, but also posters who then claim it's nothing and the OP is overreacting, but especially those who completely ignore the actual issue and go for privacy breach. Unbelievable!!!

I just divorced my ex after 25 year long marriage. l never caught him cheating but I had my doubts. Every time I would question him about it he would laugh at me, make jokes and never once actually answered my questions, it was almost as if he wanted me to keep wondering. Sure maybe it was true, maybe he did not cheat, but this kind of behavior on his side did not create trust it actually destroyed it. If you want your partner to trust you, you have to respect their feelings, not laugh at them and dismiss them; answer questions honestly and with as many details as possible, and always say the truth, otherwise, after years, the trust will be gone even if nothing ever happened or was proven to have happened.

I also cannot believe that some people think it is no big deal since it happens two years ago!!!!! WHAT! Cheating is cheating. Also to me it is the same to have sex, want to have sex, actually love someone or want to be with someone. What it tells me is that this person does not love me enough, not enough for me to want to stay with him/her. I know that many people accept this, they "work on it" for the sake of keeping the marriage, but for me, this kind of thing is a deal breaker. Good luck OP and trust your own intuition.💕

I’d be heartbroken and I’m not sure I could fully get past it. I’d rather be single than second.

I am not saying that people cannot have feelings still or regrets and a bit of their heart may still remain with that person but if you are in a new long term relationship my personal view is you owe it out of respect for your new partner to try and keep these thoughts strictly in your head . I have some regrets about my first marriage , would I tell my H - no, nor would I communicate this to my Ex H out of respect for his very lovely wife of many years.

Appalling advice.

@brunettemic to be honest if I knew the passcode to my DH phone I would be going through it all the time - not because I suspect him of having an affair but because I am a nosy old cow!

I’m really glad you’re not my DP. Please get off your high horse once you are done because you can’t see much of life from up high.

If you agree with cheating then it’s bad advice. If you stand your ground and don’t accept cheating then it’s good advice. It depends on your boundaries.