Friend says I'm unhappy because I don't follow law of attraction

[Toloveandtowork]

I'm upset because last night at my friend's house, when I told her I'm finding life very hard as a single mother. (2 children, one with ADHD and no support) she said it's because I'm not thinking positive thoughts.

She follows the law of attraction, which involves thinking positive thoughts to manifest anything you want. If you don't manifest things, it's your own fault for creating negativity.

I told her her remarks upset me. She said I was misunderstanding her because she cares about me and wants the best for me. She has been a good friend and supportive in the past.

Later on she doubled down on it, insisting it's where I'm going wrong. I let it slide this time as I could see she was a bit angry I'd pulled her up the first time.

I'm having a very hard time at the moment and her 'advice' cut to the bone. I had an almost sleepless night as I felt much worse about everything. So, my situation is shit, but it's my fault for not thinking positive thoughts.

I'm thinking of writing to her to explain that no matter how well-meaning her advice, I experience it as the opposite of supportive. What would you do?

So wait, does she really think that people who die in car crashes and from cancer just didn't think positively enough? WTF?!! That's batshit.
And really insensitive to say to someone who is struggling. She's an arse.

My best friend is into a lot of woo shit, but she's respectful about it and not judgemental of others. She also knows I don't believe a lot of it and doesn't try to convert me. If she started saying crap like your friend, she would not be my friend for long.

You can write to your her, but if she's caught up in the nonsense then she may not accept what you say and take it badly. You may need to step back from her a bit.

Your friend is talking dangerous nonsense. Many people have been taken in with the idea that positive thinking magically brings tangible rewards but of course it’s not true.

The only part of it that has any basis in reality is that people who look on the bright side are easier to get on with. However, it needs to be backed up with hard work, experience and knowledge to get results.

So avoid her and instead start to plan how you can turn your life around but that needs practical action as well as positive thinking.

Tell her to fuck right off with her "manifesting" bollocks!
And then spend time with friends who listen, understand snd support you

Just take a step back
she totally doesn’t get it
but I’d no it say anything , wait for the right time if she’s usually a decent friend

Yes I have a disabled child and was told I could think positively to cure dcs brain damage by someone really loving but totally wrong obviously. It wasn’t a high point.

you are probably much much better at everything than you realise because you are comparing yourself to people who don’t have your challenges. Be kind to yourself and recognise how very little your friend understands of life.

It's quite obviously bollocks for your friend to say that anyone can think away bad situations or that thinking happy stops bad things happening to someone. She's also being really mean in saying what she said to you about your specific situation. Sometimes we just need to let off steam and have a friendly, sympathetic ear, not a flimsy attempt at life coaching from someone who has spent too much time listening to that sort of MLM-think-yourself-amazing sort of materials.

I do think there's something in the general idea that people who mope around a lot, always positioning themselves as victims, always viewing themselves as passive victims of circumstances probably feel more miserable and are less likely to take the steps they can, Vs the people who have a shit hand and focus on what they can do in those circumstances to get through or to make changes. Mindset doesn't change the situation but it probably makes a difference to how the person feels moving forward.

I'm really tempted to write to her but I can see how that could go wrong.
I'm seeing her on Sunday, thankfully with another friend.

She has probably read the book “The Secret” she needs to read “The Real Secret” which debunks it all!

It’s called Toxic Positivity- if you google it you’ll see it’s a real thing, it’s BS and as you know it’s NOT helpful. Watch some memes and videos that take the piss out of Toxic Positivity - it’ll lighten your mood and reassure you that your response is perfectly valid!

Ignore her.

Your friend has no understanding of what the law if attraction is. That is if you (want to) believe in it.
It has nothing to do with ‘thinking positive thoughts’ - a rather simplistic way of looking at it.

(not trying to sell you the idea btw. Just mentioning that even if you want to go down that route, she is wrong).

Having said that, I’d ignore her ‘ideas’.
IT IS NIT YOUR FAULT

Having said that, as she is/was a good friend, I’d tell her that it is great she has such a great belief system but it’s not yours and you’d prefer if she could keep those ideas for herself.

And YY about toxic positivity.

She us going to get burnt too. Badly.

I do think there is huge power in positive thinking, so much of life is mind over matter. Your friend sounds loopy though, there’s only so much you can control, you can’t just magic up a less stressful life by thinking positive thoughts! It’s also pretty unhealthy to repress negative emotions!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Real-Secret-universe-hasnt-delivered/dp/1907498397

The above is a link to the book The Real Secret”

She's talking shit.

Oh god I was your friend, I thought everything was about positivity. I am still a positive person but I realise that 1) sometimes people are bleed down by life and 2)people don't have to be bloody positive if it's not them!!! It could have just come out and she ran with it, thinking it might help but it doesn't mean she doesn't think you're amazing etc. Hugs op, I think she was trying to help but is just very misguided. I'd talk to her, not write.

oh and that was knocked, not bleed!!

Jesus she's talking absolute horse shit.... My friend is currently "manifesting a new house".... And after she saves, goes to the bank, takes out a mortgage, searches the Internet, goes to multiple house viewings, puts down an offer, gets a solicitor, has an engineer view the house, and eventually signs the deal, she will believe that "the law of attraction" got her the house. It's fucking madness!!!!! And it is most unhelpful to tell someone that they need to be more positive in response to them being upset about something. I think you should let her know it's not something you believe in and you would appreciate if she didn't bring it up around you again as you find it unhelpful. I wouldn't go writing her a letter, that seems excessive and old fashioned and dramatic.

She’s an imbecile. Hth.

Sometimes, when you seek input from others, you get their honest opinions. You are not guaranteed that their input will be consistent with your thoughts and beliefs. If she is kind enough to listen to your story, it would be kind of you to listen to her input. You don't have to believe or take on a word that she says, but as a way of returning the courtesy, you can listen and then discard.

You say that she has been a good and supportive friend in the past. Do you really want to alienate a good friend when it is just so easy to not adopt her beliefs.

I would imagine that you have friends with more orthodox belief systems who may not have been as available or supportive as this friend. Why risk losing a good friend when there is nothing that compels you to accept or adopt her philosophy?

This is how cults start. Don't ask this person for advice. There is no magic key to a better life. You may be able to make lots of small changes which could add up to a big change.

Ignore her. It's a defence, and no amount of trying to defend or justify your own position is going to make her want to admit that she is as vulnerable to life as everyone else is.

A case in point is Will Smith, who spoke unequivocally about manifesting. Yes, he could see his fame coming. Yes, he was correct about the money he would earn. No, it did not protect him from the reality of contending with himself.

Mumsnet is a well know for its hatred of the law of attraction so you might get a lot of views here about it being “bollocks”.

If your friend is saying that up can think your way out of any situation then she is interpreting it incorrectly. The law of attraction (LOA) postulates that thoughts are causative, in that thoughts can have some influence in your life. They are however just one force in action in your life. There are lots of forces in your life all the time.

I absolutely believe that the quality of your thoughts has some impact on the quality of your life. However, it is one force in your life. It doesn’t override, health, wealth, opportunity, age, random accidents etc. It lives along side them.

If your friend is telling you that the LOA is a magic bullet and is the only thing that can change your circumstances they are interpreting it incorrectly.

If you are interested in lOA then take some time to learn about it from a wider source. Otherwise, thank her for her suggestions but be clear that this is not something you are interested in right now and lay a boundary around these conversations.

Agreed. I don't believe it's bollocks, but I believe our understanding of it is so bollocks that we really don't get it at all.

She was trying to be helpful. She was talking total bollocks, but she did mean well. Think of it as though she tried to convert to a new religion in the genuine, well-meaning belief that it would magically fix all your problems. It absolutely wouldn’t, but it was well meant. Try to think of it as a temporary madness.

Absolutely do feel free to shut the conversation down if she does it again.

Oh god. It's like "karma". Both are inherently victim-blaming. Can't stand them.

I now feel a mixture of pity towards and relief on behalf of those who spout things like your friend: they don't have the life experiences to know what they're actually saying.