Friend says I'm unhappy because I don't follow law of attraction

[Toloveandtowork]

I'm upset because last night at my friend's house, when I told her I'm finding life very hard as a single mother. (2 children, one with ADHD and no support) she said it's because I'm not thinking positive thoughts.

She follows the law of attraction, which involves thinking positive thoughts to manifest anything you want. If you don't manifest things, it's your own fault for creating negativity.

I told her her remarks upset me. She said I was misunderstanding her because she cares about me and wants the best for me. She has been a good friend and supportive in the past.

Later on she doubled down on it, insisting it's where I'm going wrong. I let it slide this time as I could see she was a bit angry I'd pulled her up the first time.

I'm having a very hard time at the moment and her 'advice' cut to the bone. I had an almost sleepless night as I felt much worse about everything. So, my situation is shit, but it's my fault for not thinking positive thoughts.

I'm thinking of writing to her to explain that no matter how well-meaning her advice, I experience it as the opposite of supportive. What would you do?

Your friend talks shit.

Thanks for all the comments. I might mention it to her on Sunday.
Thing is, she is a terrible listener. If I mention a problem, she goes straight to giving advice. There is no' oh that sounds really hard', ever.
She also dominates the conversation, even in groups talking about herself. If she gives advice, it's always based on LOA, or one of two different experiences she had in life.
So I'm struggling with life as a single mother. She tells me how she recovered from her divorce, giving advice on what to do, but doesn't acknowledge that she has no children and I have two.
I'll put her on the back burner I think. It's disappointing and maddening.

Then you need better friends.

Apparently my mother was dying of bowel cancer because she didn't 'want' to get better and wasn't thinking positive thoughts. According to a so-called friend of hers who told her this. I never met the woman. Just as well really because I don't think I could have restrained myself.

Her comments were really invalidating to you but I think she was honestly trying to help, if she feels the LOA works for her then of course she'd want to share it with people she cares about. I think if you communicate anything to her it's that you felt blamed and what you wanted was empathy, rather than advice on that occasion and maybe you agree before you start venting to each other if you want the other person to listen and empathize or offer solutions. Don't fall out with her over it, she clearly wants the best for you

I assume she must have fantastic, redeeming qualities to make up for this, because a lot of people would find her silly, offensive and hard to tolerate.

If you don't manifest things, it's your own fault for creating negativity

Well there we have it. World peace solved. We just need to tell all those starving children in warzones, all the people who have terminal illnesses or who've lost a limb that soz, they just aren't manifesting enough. 🙄

Only people who've had very easy lives, or who've simply been very very lucky believe in manifesting.

Id be telling her her attitude towards you isn’t very ‘positive’ 🙃

She has an easy, please life. House deposit from parents, mortgage now paid off thanks to inheritance and has lodgers allowing her to work on a book which will be published by a vanity publisher.

She sounds very self-centred and lacking in awareness.
People with a much more privileged hand can sometimes fall into the trap of believing they got there by their superior hard work or positive energies, but really they've had a lot of legs up and been fortunate to avoid many of the barriers others face.

Like PP said, you probably need a nicer friend.

I had a friend talk to me like that. When I was in my mid/late 30s single, childless, temporarily living with my sister and worrying life was passing me by, she was married with 2 kids and had bought a huge, beautiful house. She seemed to have been brain washed by the Secret and kept telling me that all I needed to do was to think more positively about what I wanted. I know her heart was in the right place. I remember her excitedly running off to get the book for me - she really thought that she was helping. Also sounds like your friend in terms of not just being able to listen and say 'sorry, that's shit'. In particular, I recall telling her that my Dad was dying, and she said 'at least you get to say goodbye'. When I told her that I was adopting by myself, she wasn't supportive as she felt that I was giving up on my dream (of getting married etc). At that point I decided the friendship had run its course.

It's sad that even when you told you friend that her comments upset you she still didn't listen. My DS has SEN and I am exhausted- no energy for friends who don't make me feel better. Hope that your other friends are more supportive.

I think the issue here is you are on different planets. She can’t possible know how challenging your life can be if she has no kids and a house paid for by her parents/inheritance. It’s all very well her thinking her good fortune has come about by thinking good thoughts but the reality is very different. Smile and nod, and confide in another friend.

She's only a fairweather friend, only wants to see you when everything is going well. Yes, its good to try to look on the optimistic positive side but sometimes there are things beyond our control and sometimes life is well, shit. A good friend would simply listen. Sometimes there aren't any solutions. A self help book such as The Secret isn't going to help. A colleague of my dh has just been telling him about this and tbh he's so gullible that he'll probably go and buy it. It's gonna cause all sorts of new he'll at home, I can see it coming. I'd take a break from seeing this friend, she's not in a place to give you the support you need. Hopefully you have other ones that can. Take care OP.

I doubt that anyone who has to take lodgers into their home to generate income would necessarily think that they have a particularly easy life. I think most people would want there home to be their private space. Her circumstances may not be dire, but she obviously has a need for income and is willing to sacrifice her space and privacy to generate that income. It does not sound like an ideal life to me.

Tell her to manifest a Lottery windfall you could both share if she thinks her powers of positive thinking are that good.

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me recently OP; I don't think I can look at that friendship the same again. So fucking insulting. Obviously we all like to have a bit of a moan, but sometimes we're just stating facts - X Y Z is hard and difficult and it doesn't feel great. To have someone then say ah well if only you were more positive ... you can't go round strangling these people though can you!

This is like the prosperity gospel - you aren't rich because you didn't pray hard enough!

.

I wonder if I am 3 stone overweight because I don't think about being thin hard enough. I don't let myself manifest into being thin. Or it could be that I eat about 10 to 15% more calories than I actually built burn off? You know, just a thought.

Just dont take it so personally, shes just deluded. Change the subject in her presence, then by all means talk to more useful people. You could keep the frienship if you can keep her off topic.

Well, because she’s nagging the OP into behaving according to her dipshit ‘be,if system’?

Also no one needs a friend who is that hard of thinking.

I HAD a friend like this (note the HAD). It was so frustrating listening to her moan about her life situation but her only solution was manifesting the outcome she wanted instead of getting off her arsey and doing something about it. 14 years later she is still single, living rent free in her parents' second house in a job she says she hates and is spending all her (pretty good) income on holidays, clothes and very expensive wine. And still waiting for Prince Charming to come in and sweep her off her feet - I kid you not, she actually uses the term Prince Charming.

Bollox to that crap.

If she meant well she wouldn't have doubled down after the OP initially told her it was hurtful.

Because she means well is exactly why she’s doubling down. She thinks she’s got the secret to true happiness, she thinks she’s generously sharing it with her friend, and she’s feeling frustrated and a bit hurt that OP won’t accept it. She’s sure that if OP would just listen all OP’s problems will be solved. She is nuts, but that’s the internal logic.

The secret to true happiness? Tha's just arrogant.