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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Friend says I'm unhappy because I don't follow law of attraction

80 replies

Toloveandtowork · 01/06/2023 20:57

I'm upset because last night at my friend's house, when I told her I'm finding life very hard as a single mother. (2 children, one with ADHD and no support) she said it's because I'm not thinking positive thoughts.

She follows the law of attraction, which involves thinking positive thoughts to manifest anything you want. If you don't manifest things, it's your own fault for creating negativity.

I told her her remarks upset me. She said I was misunderstanding her because she cares about me and wants the best for me. She has been a good friend and supportive in the past.

Later on she doubled down on it, insisting it's where I'm going wrong. I let it slide this time as I could see she was a bit angry I'd pulled her up the first time.

I'm having a very hard time at the moment and her 'advice' cut to the bone. I had an almost sleepless night as I felt much worse about everything. So, my situation is shit, but it's my fault for not thinking positive thoughts.

I'm thinking of writing to her to explain that no matter how well-meaning her advice, I experience it as the opposite of supportive. What would you do?

OP posts:

SaxSick · 03/06/2023 21:46

bossybloss · 01/06/2023 21:27

She has probably read the book “The Secret” she needs to read “The Real Secret” which debunks it all!

That was exactly what I was going to say - eg the idea that people get cancer because they have negative thoughts. Yes that went down well with me when my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

Chispazo · 03/06/2023 21:55

Toxic positivity is so exhausting.

In some ways, I believe that you can be so happy that you attract only good things, but as a single parent to two children, one with autism, I had a lot of very real present issues. So after job security finally, years of therapy, ongoing, my children growing up (17&20) I finally finally feel that in about 5 years I might be able to resonate at the frequency that brings in good luck/people/prosperity

Chispazo · 03/06/2023 21:56

I must listen to the real secret on audible, sounds good.

I also used to drain myself listening to thing Bring it in type gurus.

tailinthejam · 04/06/2023 09:57

Saschka · 03/06/2023 21:33

Oh god, somebody said this to DH when his mother was dying of breast cancer! Ex-friend now, obviously. She had always been a bit woo, and a bit strident in her opinions, but we didn’t expect that from her.

And no we didn’t misunderstand, DH asked what exactly she meant and she clarified, at great length, that only people who think negatively get cancer, as negative thoughts depress your immune system, and if you think positively you can cure yourself without chemo, so MIL should stop her chemo and meditate “if she actually wanted to get better”.

Show quote history

It's awful, isn't it? To imply that someone is dying because they aren't thinking positively enough, and if they wanted to get better then they would.

If only the cure for cancer was that straightforward.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 04/06/2023 16:47

Toloveandtowork · 03/06/2023 18:18

I wasn't going to write a letter, it would have been WhatsApp.
She gave me and another friend a book on the power of positive thinking a month ago. I'll give it back to her tomorrow and that might open a conversation. I'll see how wise it feels at the time. It's unread and looks crap.
I love that saying: 'don't be a victim, it disimpowers you.' Thing is, I realise that and she knows how hard I'm striving to change things for the better. Grrrr.

Sorry OP, but that saying is all about taking responsibility, both from your previous and current decisions.

When I was having a really hard time as single parent with a sociopathic ex bent to destroy me, the phrase made me realise, that despite his horrible actions, I was also responsible for the situation: I had and continue to chosen red flags that exposed me to more damage. Pretty much like what you are doing to yourself at this moment: Why do you keep meeting with her if you don’t enjoy her company and resent her comments? Don’t be a victim, walk away from her.

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