Stag do in Krakow

[Gigitb]

DH went on a stag do to Krakow. I trust him or at least I did trust him. Married ten years, two children under three. I was fine with the stag as close friend but his behaviour on said stag do has been well awful.
Contacted once via message to say flight landed / heard nothing after that until the following night, almost 24 hours later, I get a notification at two in the morning his time with the bank informing me that their has been a cash withdrawal of three hundred euro from an ATM.
Why would my husband be lifting that sort of money at that time of night? I get a message this morning with a breezy sorry my phone battery died etc etc. I wrote back sharpish about the withdrawal. Nothing since.
My husband and his friends have always been lads lads but I thought I could trust him.

Christ there are days like today when I’m trying to fix the lawnmower myself and pay for everything on one wage when I wish I wasn’t single.

and then I come on mumsnet and read about lads lads lads fucking off on stag and shagging prostitutes then threatening to cry when they’re asked about it. Then taking the next day to watch football 🤣 - and it’s days like this I get down on the floor and kiss the ground with thanks I am single

So him and the lads got some private lap dances, and he feels guilty because he enjoyed it.
There’s probably a little more to this.

Equally though if it was all innocent he'd have said 'oh we were on our way back and spotted a cash machine so took the opportunity then to withdraw cash id need for the next day to avoid a morning rush' instead of crying and being shifty

If other blokes got lap dances but he didn't, do you know any of the other wives to confirm that with? As I bet you're all hearing the same story, with all the "lads" claiming to be the innocent party.

He spent the best part of £300 of family money on objectifying/wanking over (potentially vulnerable) young women who I'm sure don't want to be flashing their bits to strange married men.

Then he comes home to the partner he left in sole care of two under 3s and says that HE needs time off to watch the football; really?

He's literally just had a holiday (spent perving at other women) when do YOU get time off?

@Gigitb it’s not looking good is it? Even before he got home the fact he drew that amount of money out at that time of night rang alarms bells for you. Some people wouldn’t have batted an eyelid but for you, who knows this man the best, it raised suspicion. That tells me there’s other things in the past that’s contributed to your mind going there. Then to add to that, him acting weird when you questioned him when he got home, then him admitting he went to a strip club “his mates had a private dance but he didn’t” (🙄) and now he is acting off emotionally? I think he’s done more than just have a private dance, he’s clearly got a guilty conscience about something! Whether or not you choose to turn a blind eye is up to you.

“I’m sorry I came down hard the other day, I should have been clearer about what my boundaries are regarding strip clubs. Thank you for being honest with me. Anyway, whatever happened in Krakow is in the past, but if you want to get anything off your chest, then it’s fine, you can tell, no repercussions.”

Worst case he doesn’t trust you, and he continues the lie.

Best case he trusts you, and comes out with whatever he did. At which point you divorce him.

😂 bless

google tells me that 200 pounds is over 1k in local currency...

you can pay by card for drinks etc. so realistically the only thing he needed 1k cash in local currency for is a lap dance

and this is the reason why I don't believe men who like lads' holidays :/

I am so sorry OP - for you and the bride of whoever went to strip club on his stag do

also, people don't just end up with private parts of sex workers shoved in their faces. This is not a scenario that just happens or is more likely to happen in Krakow than it is in London. I'm baffled anyone would buy a story like that

Just the term Lads lads is enough to make me think he is a twat. What does that term mean for you?
For me it means a bloke that thinks women should be well turn out, domestically on top of things and gets to do "mens things". Usually hiding a layer of misogyny when it comes to it.

I wouldn’t imagine he hides his misogyny.

@bladebladebla1 Bless you too 😂

Yes, I think I’m having a dawning reality that my DH is just not a very nice man. To the outside world he is - think excessive charm, flirty with work colleagues, always seen to be doing things but deep down he can be very cruel.
Since arriving back he has refused to talk about what happened on the stag or the money. He doesn’t overtly say I don’t want to discuss it, but he has cried, slammed a laptop shut in fury and cracked the screen and then went and golfed for seven plus hours. This is all in an effort to stop me asking and he will then buy me flowers day tomorrow and I will be forced into silence as who can be ungrateful for flowers.

RUN!

Not so easy when you have two young children but I do have to do something. I’ve changed so much in myself. Quieter, less confident, and his life has pretty much remained unchanged since teenage years.

Hmmm, he sounds like a player / immature twat who hasn’t stepped up as a parent and has little respect for you / your relationship.. Sorry OP

I have been a good few times to Krakow. There's no street prostitution and the three strip clubs are well known for fleecing and even drugging punters. If he was in them and got away with only 300 Euro down he was lucky.

This happens all the time in Krakow. If you Google police raid on strip clubs krakow, you will see the owners have a control center watching their clubs and credit cards of clients and they often charge huge amounts when the tourists are drunk. Not letting people go until rip off drinks are paid for is common and escorting to the machine, which is next door to the club on the main square, is also very common. You see security standing next to people as they make withdrawals from about 2am onwards. So many get caught by this.

😂

@Gigitb someone trustworthy who had spent money at that time of the morning could explain it and just tell you. You wouldn’t be questioning it or have an awful feeling about it. There is obviously more he doesn’t want to tell you. But he will never admit it.

Eastern European lap dancing clubs are often brothels, I'm sorry.

Heard it from the horse's mouth of men who attended stag do in eastern Europe - attendees paid for sex acts and piv sex in those clubs.

Since arriving back he has refused to talk about what happened on the stag or the money. He doesn’t overtly say I don’t want to discuss it, but he has cried, slammed a laptop shut in fury and cracked the screen and then went and golfed for seven plus hour

He's a fucking wanker & bastard and he'd taking the complete piss out of you.

And how come he fucks off and golds for hours, after a holiday (in which he had used hundreds of £ of family money in the early hrs of the morning and had her to explain it in any way) .... While you look after the kids and continue to do so.

I dated a man once ago said he stated pit drinking all night one night abd the next day his wife went out and left him with all the kids at 9 in the morning. She did t come back til evening. More men need that type of treatment.
I guess your man would just palm them off on the nearest female relative though.... Bit you wouldn't dare do it in the first place cause he's got you where he wants you.

*golfs

Oh and I wouldn't touch him with three condoms on the end of a barge pole if he's spent hundreds in the early hours of the morning on a stag do in Eastern Europe.

Seriously, if you have the finances to do so, get out if you can. This is soul destroying.