Stag do in Krakow

[Gigitb]

DH went on a stag do to Krakow. I trust him or at least I did trust him. Married ten years, two children under three. I was fine with the stag as close friend but his behaviour on said stag do has been well awful.
Contacted once via message to say flight landed / heard nothing after that until the following night, almost 24 hours later, I get a notification at two in the morning his time with the bank informing me that their has been a cash withdrawal of three hundred euro from an ATM.
Why would my husband be lifting that sort of money at that time of night? I get a message this morning with a breezy sorry my phone battery died etc etc. I wrote back sharpish about the withdrawal. Nothing since.
My husband and his friends have always been lads lads but I thought I could trust him.

Ask him if he has put your health at risk, do you need sti test?

My husband to be at that time so he was "the stag" ended up with a muddy vagina in his face on his eastern European stag weekend. I had absolutely no sympathy, he was horrified.

Yes I trusted him, still do. Stuff happens, money is spent, doesn't mean betrayal has happened.

I know I will get "flamed" you never know type, but I do know, I absolutely do, there is no way H would put his willy into a hooker's anything. He never has. Him and his little friends went to a London strip bar once they last one drink then came out feeling "a bit dirty".

So yes he might need the money to pay his way for whatever drinks and entertainment is going on. But that doesn't mean he is snorting coke and shagging hookers.

Don't go mad at first OP. Wait and see.

Money was for prostitutes 100%.

Lad's lads - birds of a feather flock together.

My cousin went on a stag night there and was absolutely disgusted that all the men (they were mostly police) with wives and kids, slept with prostitutes. He told me when we were standing at the wedding and he was looking at the two-faced men interacting with their families with contempt.

The women are drop dead gorgeous and very good seductresses. It's a big booming business run over there.

I marvel at women who wave their men off to temptation island!

To say something doesn't sit right but 'you'll just have to let it go' is too passive. His emotional reaction is highly suspicious. Did you ever get a text response to you asking when he was away, or did he just ignore the question?

It's up to you, but I certainly couldn't let this go.

You're naive!

He needed prostitutes and then a different time strippers to "feel dirty."

It's him who is dirty not the women who have to do such work.

I would assume at that time if night , stripper's, and cocaine

£200 would pretty much buy you enough alcohol in Krakow to kill you. It's really cheap.

Having travelled to Poland for work a lot, I will add that paying for things in cash is not popular at all, even the smallest corner store prefers card payments, they never have change in tills in shops if you want to pay cash. It’s a very cashless place especially big cities. So to withdraw that amount of cash would be for something rather shady imo. Probably strippers rather than escorts. Drugs especially coke is available very easily so that could also be an option.

It sounds like you are determined to ruin his holiday.

?

For that much money, and that time at night - in Krakow, it's a high chance it was either for drugs or prostitute(s) or both.

He has some explaining to do.

Krakow is very cheap, but I know someone who went there on a stag do and they all spent a ridiculous amount of money because people saw them coming and took advantage! They paid premium amounts for airport transfers, a tour guide to take them round the pubs, private tables in clubs, bottles of vodka, a day out shooting. I know most of the guys who went and would be very surprised if anything untoward happened. I also went on a girls holiday to Krakow and spent next to nothing.

@Gigitb his reaction screams guilty conscience. I wouldn’t be just letting this go.

My first thought actually wasn't prostitution or drugs. I had a male friend who went on a stag to Prague. They fell for a scam. It was something like, they met some "friendly" women in a bar and agreed to buy them a drink, then when the bill arrived it was hundreds of pounds. The bar owners wouldn't let them leave until they'd paid it, and I think might have marched them to a cash point to force them to take out more.

I might have got some of the details wrong - this was a decade ago - but he was really shaken and frightened. Could it be something like that?

better to do 1 big withdrawal then lots of little ones . he'l pay less in charges

Well, he certainly knows how to play you, doesn't he?

You'd be mad to let him get away with that

Somethings happened and he doesn't like being questioned. Too bad, keep on till you find out or say your going to phone the partners of other blokes that were there. Let's face it no one goes abroad on these trips to sit in room playing cards.

He might have got scammed. Went to a strip bar, bought a round, it came to 200£ and he got marched to a cashpoint? Or they stupidly tried to score some coke, would any one of them try that? And got marched to a cashpoint.

So he might be embarrassed they thought they were lads about town and they ended up scammer fodder.

It might be.

OP I would ask again when he has had sleep and say "right I need to know why you needed 200£ at 3am because booze is cheap, it was 3am and I am presuming you needed it to pay women. So what's was it for?"

I would accuse, just calmly explain you need to know because it doesn't make any sense to you.

I'm not naïve.
The strip bar was before my time. They scurried out after one drink because they, as they should, felt uncomfortable, dirty, they were embarrassed they went in.
The muddy vagina was a very public mudwrestling naked display that had been organised for him and him being the stag he got thrown in the middle.

He told me everything that happened. He always does.

All of this was nearly/over two decades ago by the way. Not a whiff of seedy behaviour since.

You can get caught up in a drunken stag weekend activities as an unwilling participant.

Admittedly I had no access to his bank account withdrawals, but you can be dragged into a strip bar and not actually touch just watch, not even watch as such, just pay. No I don't approve, which isn't a secret between us, but you can not escalate it to prostitution as well.

how are things op?

Not good. I’ve taken DC to the beach today as DH wants to watch the match.
He said that they all went to a strip club and some got private dances but he didn’t. I said I wasn’t happy about that as many of the other men are also married. I asked did you get a private dance, he denied it but he is so off emotionally.
Lads lads they are and I think I have been in denial quite a bit about his behaviour.
I’ve noticed before photos of girls on his phone that his friends have sent through. Of course, my hubby is just pulled into this behaviour.

Sorry lovely. He's getting an easy life just now eh. Stag weekends and getting a day in peace to watch football. Whens your day off?.

His behaviour is certainly questionable regarding his reaction. However when I am away for a few days I would hate if I had to keep checking in. I prefer to send a quick text to check of the kids are okay. I expect the same from my husband but not to the extent you are expecting.

I would also hate if my other half got notified everything I took money out. I've often taken that amount of money out at that hour just to last me the next few days.

I'm not saying he hasn't done anything but I do think you need to be less controlling also

The old "other guys got a private dance but i didn't " even thoigh he took a large amount of cash out 🤔. He obviously got a private dance for that money, and is acting off because he may feel guilty about doing it or guilty for not actually telling you the truth.
It's upto you where your boundaries are regarding this. I agree with another pp that he's getting a nice time of it lately, with the stag and a day to watch footie.

Jesus, what sort of fees did that incur?

Surely use a card that can be used directly without paying fees, ie Chase, some credit cards.

Surely Krakow strip clubs and the girls have card readers these days?

He needs an STI test, and a thorough read of the MSE website.