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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stag do in Krakow

107 replies

Gigitb · 01/06/2023 20:44

DH went on a stag do to Krakow. I trust him or at least I did trust him. Married ten years, two children under three. I was fine with the stag as close friend but his behaviour on said stag do has been well awful.
Contacted once via message to say flight landed / heard nothing after that until the following night, almost 24 hours later, I get a notification at two in the morning his time with the bank informing me that their has been a cash withdrawal of three hundred euro from an ATM.
Why would my husband be lifting that sort of money at that time of night? I get a message this morning with a breezy sorry my phone battery died etc etc. I wrote back sharpish about the withdrawal. Nothing since.
My husband and his friends have always been lads lads but I thought I could trust him.

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 01/06/2023 23:14

Well if the OPs local currency is euros, that would equate to a withdrawal of around 1400pln (zloty) which is rather a lot of money to spend in Krakow...

sjpkgp1 · 01/06/2023 23:20

I suspect there won't be a mix up between zlotys and euro (although if there is, then happy days). It does depend what he owes for what he has been doing, so if his hotel isn't paid for etc. if they have got taxis rather than ubers, if they've gone for activities and a meal etc. if he owes a mate, or has took out for a mate etc. Also Krakow is not as cheap as it once was, depending where you drink and what you drink, prices can be almost UK-ish. Kazimierz is lively, goes on all night, and although there's plenty on offer, but its not "Malia on drugs with marauding Brits", it is well policed and the Polish stand for no shenanigans. Been there 3 times in the last year. Very annoying he isn't responding, but no reason to believe there is anything untoward unless he has previous in this department (still rude mind !). There may be a fairly simple explanation, so I guess all you can do is wait to hear it. x

Summerfun54321 · 01/06/2023 23:25

What are "lads lads"? You mean dickheads?

Zonder · 01/06/2023 23:42

Have you heard from him at all today?

guineacup · 02/06/2023 00:08

My husband and his friends have always been lads lads but I thought I could trust him.

.... And they went to Krakow on a stag do...

Whether or he got money out in the middle
of night, you really think there were no strippers etc?

sweettooth22 · 02/06/2023 05:48

Ah op I would be thinking the worse too unfortunately 😭. I havnt long came back from krakow and it's such a beautiful place . Few pubs out there but it was quiet . But obviously it could of been just where we were going . Have a Google to see if there are any sleazy strip clubs out there . Sadly I'm assuming there are .

sweettooth22 · 02/06/2023 05:49

I have just looked and there are a few out there . I really hope that this is not the case . They open at 9 close at 5 am

Shoxfordian · 02/06/2023 07:11

It sounds like you don’t trust him to start with so why stay married? I honestly wouldn’t be bothered about this myself - my husband can take out cash abroad on his own card so I wouldn’t even know if he had anyway and I don’t expect him to text when he’s away with his friends; just like I don’t when I’m away or out

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 07:15

Well I’ve gone out multiple times and withdrew large ish amounts of money in the early hours

zero strippers / drugs involved but money for drinks / clubs/ taxis

doesnt have to be worst case

snd I do t text my oh when I’m out or away much if anything other than a ‘I’ve landed’

YRGAM · 02/06/2023 07:17

Drugs, strippers or casino I'd say, in that order of likelihood

Simonjt · 02/06/2023 07:23

Why would he withdraw in euros when he can’t spend them there? I regularly draw out stupid amounts when pissed, its something a lot of people do, its essentially button bashing rather than making sure you pick the amount you actually want.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/06/2023 08:18

It would have been for coke and drugs and not necessarily sex work
he also could have been treating and paying for mates

why does sex work immediately come to mind ?

Original poster
Gigitb · 02/06/2023 09:59

Hi everyone. Sorry for the confusion surrounding currency. My mistake - I assumed it would have been an euro withdrawal as the destination currency.
Husband is home - all very strange. I asked outright what the money was for - he was very vague and defensive. He then started to get emotional and almost cry. I asked did you go to a strip club or worse? He has denied but tbh I do not feel right about this at all.
He's gone for a lie down but I know later it will be pushed under the carpet and if I bring it up again, I will be made to look unreasonable.
I think I’ll just have to let it go.

OP posts:
Wineismybestfriend · 02/06/2023 10:02

That’s not good Op.

keep pressing, if he’s that emotional he will crack eventually!

keep us posted 💐

countrygirl99 · 02/06/2023 10:06

I think if I was being interrogated about less than £60 I'd be somewhat miffed. If the tone was accusatory I'd likely be defensive. And if on top of that I was tired and possibly hangover I might get very upset.

Original poster
Gigitb · 02/06/2023 10:09

Sorry the sterling amount from ATM was over two hundred pounds. I was accusatory but yes I did ask.

OP posts:
Wineismybestfriend · 02/06/2023 10:10

I’d definitely be asking questions if my DP lifted out that amount of cash in the middle of the night at a stag do and went silent.

bibbityboppityboo · 02/06/2023 10:16

Over £200, got defensive then emotional and almost cry? I wouldn't let that go tbh.

Season0fTheWitch · 02/06/2023 10:22

DH went on a stag do to Krakow before he met me, and we've since been to Poland together. He wouldn't need £200 for alcohol at that time of night, he could go out with £50 and have a great night. I'll put it this way, I wouldn't let DH go on a stag do there now. Don't let him push this away, you need to press him for answers or you'll always be wondering about what happened.

SallyWD · 02/06/2023 10:30

Could be totally innocent, passing a cash point and withdrawing money for the next couple of days.
However, you describe them as lads lads - I would kind of expect they'd go to a strip club on a stag do! I mean even men who you wouldn't describe as "lads" would probably do the same. If my DH was on a stag weekend I'd half expect them to end up in a strip club and I wouldn't want to know!

tatteddear · 02/06/2023 10:34

300 euros would get you alot of booze in Krakow. I would be thinking drugs/hookers tbh. And the. And the non contact is shit behaviour. What goes on tour stays on tour sort of bullshit. Not on.

MarkWithaC · 02/06/2023 10:38

I was going to say you were being overly suspicious until I read his response to being asked. That's very dubious. I'd ask again.

booboo24 · 02/06/2023 12:16

The jury was out for me until you updated with his reaction. The guilt looks like it's getting the better of him to be honest. I don't think I'd be able to let this go at all, I'd need to know and he should be able to tell you very easily where the money went. The problem is he's missed that opportunity even being given the heads up whilst still there

mrsbyers · 02/06/2023 12:20

Sounds like he’s coming down from coke if he’s emotional like that

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 02/06/2023 15:58

Gigitb · 02/06/2023 09:59

Hi everyone. Sorry for the confusion surrounding currency. My mistake - I assumed it would have been an euro withdrawal as the destination currency.
Husband is home - all very strange. I asked outright what the money was for - he was very vague and defensive. He then started to get emotional and almost cry. I asked did you go to a strip club or worse? He has denied but tbh I do not feel right about this at all.
He's gone for a lie down but I know later it will be pushed under the carpet and if I bring it up again, I will be made to look unreasonable.
I think I’ll just have to let it go.

His behaviour is dodgy but you'll just have to let it go in case he says you're unreasonable.

He withdrew £200 - that's almost 1k in zloty, a HUGE amount over there.

Drugs and prostitute would be my guess - unless he can tell you otherwise!

If you're happy to be treated like this in your marriage OP well that's up to you 🤷‍♀️