Dh can't get over something

[Wellthatwasalogday82]

Dh and I have been together 18 years, married 11, 2 young dc (8 & 2) the years since having children have been tough as we both work full time (I'm office hours and he's shift work including 4 weeks out of 6 on nights so that's an added stress)

When we had first DC I possibly had Post Natal anxiety, I was definitely an anxious parent, and I had some counselling but things like contact naps, wanting to be the one to feed them, and not wanting to leave them overnight we're things I got called up for by dh. I did push dh out a bit, but at the same time he was away with work and on shift plus he goes out most weekends for football or to see friends so a lot of time it was me and DC so I just got on did stuff.

We now have dc2 and I have much better, but dh still thinks I have PPA with dc2. I have tried harder to not have the contact naps when they were a baby, they went into a bed a lot earlier, I have had to leave them overnight a lot more due to work commitments etc, but because I still don't do everything exactly how dh wants (ie if they wake in the night I will go and try and settle them, or they have the tablet a bit too much when I am trying to get housework done or need 10 minutes to sit down after work) he thinks I am still ill

Last night he basically told me that he can't forgive me for the last 8 years and how I have been. That every argument we have he is always going to hold it against me and he can't move on

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Op, I hope you can stop thinking this might be about you. This is all on him. Whether he’s always been this person or whether he’s just flipped a switch (usually because they’ve met someone else) I don’t know- it does sound like he’s never been a good father or partner really. You need to stop reacting to his comments, perhaps you could say actually I’m a great mum and it’s disappointing you don’t recognise that before walking away. Is there another room you can sleep in? This is just to tide you over while you work out what’s best- if he doesn’t recognise this isn’t ok then your relationship is over. Could you and dc leave? Would he leave if you asked him t? My guess is no, you’d have to get some help. Make some decisions in your head too for what if he escalates. If he’s followed you to bed and told you off for 2 hours, what are your options? He’s not listening to you- is this call the police territory? Call his parents, or a friend? If he looks like getting violent, call the police immediately. Think of someone you could take the dc to if you left in a hurry. Do a packing list of some basics and if the dc have enough clothes perhaps put a change and some pjs in the car. Hide yourself a little bag with charger, passport, birth certificates. He doesn’t sound reasonable.

What do you want to do @Wellthatwasalogday82 ?

His behaviour is not okay and is incredibly abusive. The DC would have heard him shouting, they will feel the tension you need to protect them from the emotional abuse that he is subjecting to all of you.

Please call WA and other domestic abuse agencies

Who the hell does he think he is?!!
Perhaps you could give him a critique of his day too

In all seriousness I'd tell him how much happier you and the children are when he's not there. I'd ask him to leave

A two year old is too young to be " naughty" they don't know what it is.. they are inquisitive.. to put a two year old on a naughty step is abuse